Strange but True
Some funny things happened on the way to the Pepsi Center.
A mystery mourner left a wreath of plastic flowers at the westside gas station where "Dino," a green fiberglass dinosaur representing the Sinclair Oil Company, had been run over and crushed by a wayward driver.
International House of Pancakes
An Arvada man told police that vandals dumped waffles and syrup in his driveway and scrawled an obscenity--in butter--on his garage door.
Four Turtles Were Hauled In for Questioning
Police in Boulder County were told to be on the lookout for "ninjas" who robbed Longmont's Old Prague Inn dressed in warrior suits.
A man who claimed he was looking for a lost pager in Fairmount Cemetery after midnight told police he was attacked by a group of assailants dressed in black and wielding samurai swords.
I Hate It When That Happens...
While a Denver gang member was busy pistol-whipping another gang member with his handgun, the weapon accidentally discharged, sending a bullet across the street into the leg of an innocent bystander.
Janitor in a Dumb
The head custodian of West High School was hauled in by police for allegedly stockpiling items ranging from snow shovels and toilet paper to hundreds of nuts and bolts in the basement of his Denver home. The scam was exposed by the custodian's estranged wife. Said one detective, "It's a classic example of 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'"
First Order of Business:
Who Cut the Cheese?
The City of Greeley convened a new five-member "odor board," charged with identifying major sources of bad smells in the city.
Somebody Up There Hates Me
A water balloon dropped from a high-rise building near 13th Avenue and Speer Boulevard shattered the windshield of a passing car.
Highway patrolmen were stumped by vandals who hung black cinderblocks from overpasses along I-76, knocking out the windshields of at least three late-night motorists.
Officers on Patrol, Part 1
Police in Boulder County conducted a manhunt for thieves who swiped the cops' "Drinking and Driving: The Heat Is On" banner from a Boulder Turnpike overpass.
Parts Is Parts
Police reported that a Federal Heights man "punched his roommate's nose right off" during an altercation over rent payments.
Colorado State University researchers kept close watch over 200 frozen human gonads being stored as part of an experiment on plutonium exposure. Assessing the value of the severed testicles, one scientist told a newspaper reporter, "We are sitting on a gold mine here."
An Aurora man called police to report finding a finger in his bathroom sink. "I don't want to sound like I'm crazy, but there's a finger, and I don't know how it got here, and I've been home all day," he told a dispatcher. Officers sent to the scene determined that the digit was actually a foam ear plug that "elongated" after getting wet.
You Should Have Seen the Blip
An airport radar site in Grand Junction was damaged and flights delayed after vandals climbed onto the three-story-tall rotating dish and, in the words of an airport official, rode it "like a mechanical bull."
Boulder Diary, Chapter I
City officials threatened to fine the Boulder Dinner Theatre after audience members complained that actors smoked on stage for thirty seconds during the performance of Grand Hotel, in violation of a city ordinance.
What a Lode of...
A rescue helicopter was called in when two men panning for gold along Clear Creek were buried up to their necks in mud.
A single mother who bounced a $5.80 check for a hamburger and fries at a Hardee's restaurant in Colorado Springs was socked with $346 in fines by her bank, the court and a collection agency.
DIA Flight Log...
A Parker man was charged with criminal harassment for making repeated phone calls to the airport control tower to complain about airplane noise at his home.
The Pep Boy
An 18-year-old student at Centaurus High School in Lafayette became the first boy to earn a spot on the school's pom-pom squad. Supportive students yelled "Go, Albert!" as he undulated his way through a tryout.
Name That Goon
Denver police sought the "Note Bandit," who held up restaurants by slipping a note to the cashier.
Law enforcement officials announced the arrest of the "Golden Age Burglar," who targeted elderly victims in west Denver.
After a week-long search, police caught up with the "Itty Bitty Bandit," a small boy who held up retail establishments at gunpoint but had trouble seeing over the counter.
The "Bicycle Bandit" pedaled away from at least seven robberies before police caught up with him in July.
The "Backpack Bandit" was known for carting cash from bank robberies in his knapsack.
The "Early Morning Bandit" struck repeatedly in Denver, sticking up convenience stores during the wee hours.
The "Twilight Burglar" specialized in sneaking into suburban homes between dusk and dark.
Police arrested the "Fat Man" bandit, later identified as a 250-pound Colorado prison guard.
Investigators discovered that the "Masked Bandit," who wore a hockey mask during robberies, was actually the "Fat Man" bandit in disguise.
The Wrong Stuff
Two Air Force Academy cadets were punished after they added hot sauce and spicy mustard to a "spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate syrup" being eaten by a young aviator.
Officers on Patrol, Part 2
Jefferson County sheriff's deputies seeking a suspect accused of assaulting a friend with a stun gun were told the man could be identified by a tattoo on his groin.
He Hit the Wall
The federal Department of Veterans Affairs moved to slash the disability benefits of a Vietnam War veteran after reasoning that the Pueblo man's efforts to raise money for a monument to his fallen comrades proved he could work.
To: Jail. From: Santa.
An Illinois man was arrested after a Colorado state trooper pulled him over for not having a light on his rear license plate and found marijuana bricks wrapped as Christmas presents in his trunk.
It's One, Two, Three Strikes You're Out...
Thirty-five of the Loveland Baseball Association's teenage umpires quit after a 16-year-old umpire was beaten senseless by players and coaches during a melee over a spiking incident.
Next Time, Try a Rolled-Up Newspaper
An Arvada woman, enraged when she saw her neighbor angrily dragging his dog into the house, beat the man over the head with a two-by-four.
When Wheat Ridge police pulled over a man driving a Toyota truck with four wheels but only three tires, the driver told them, "The tire went away because I peed on it."
As for the Quality...
A man injured in a car accident was arrested when doctors at Denver Health Medical Center found a brick of crack cocaine wedged between his buttocks. Remarked one physician, "It was a good quantity."
My Blood Brother Vinnie
An Italian-American man from New York City announced his plans to organize a Native American Men's Gathering in the Pike National Forest.
Smells Like Teen Spirit
The City of Denver teamed up with 7-Eleven on "Operation Chill," a program under which Denver cops handed out 10,000 Slurpee coupons to "youngsters they observed doing something helpful or participating in a positive activity."
After Lakewood police assigned a "party car" to prowl the city for underage kids at drinking bashes, officers found themselves overwhelmed by the sheer number of keggers and had to call in reinforcements. Said one officer, "We had kids going everywhere--over fences, through backyards. It was like flushing quail."
A Parker woman was charged with a misdemeanor after her twelve-year-old daughter raided the liquor cabinet while she was at work.
Nine Adams City High School students were arrested after surrounding two police officers who were trying to stop a snowball fight. One student was handcuffed by a "school resource officer" after he refused to drop a snowball as ordered.
Police used pepper spray to subdue a crowd of Golden High School students during a clash between "cowboys" and "stoners" in the school parking lot.
The Louisville Recreation Center banned slow dancing for teenagers at its weekend dances. "We're a family-oriented, wholesome community," said the center supervisor. "Is that something we should be teaching to someone at that age?"
DIA Flight Log...
After city councilwoman Polly Flobeck endured a ride home with a griping cabdriver, Denver officials proposed planting plainclothes spies in cabs to set cabbies straight.
He Should Have Used the Cone of Silence
Wheat Ridge police responding to a report of a screaming child were informed by the child's father that the boy was yelling because he wanted an ice cream cone.
A Lakewood woman told police she believed someone had repeatedly broken into her home at night to dilute her laundry detergent and fabric softener with water.
Lawn Ornaments Reported Stolen This Year in the Six-County Metro Area:
A "gargoyle tombstone."
A "hanging Grim Reaper."
A 150-pound concrete lion.
A three-foot-high concrete deer.
A complete ceramic set of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
A plastic rat.
A Federal Express delivery driver admitted dumping a full cup of hot coffee through his open window into the lap of a 76-year-old driver who wouldn't let him merge.
The Wild, Wild Kingdom
A 210-pound Parker man was accused of violating animal-cruelty laws after he sat on his girlfriend's forty-pound basset hound "to frighten it" and wound up killing it instead. The man told police he tried to revive the dog with CPR but was unsuccessful; he and his girlfriend reportedly entered counseling to cope with their grief over the death of "Lovey."
The pet-adoption agency Maxfund refused to allow black or white cats to be adopted during the month of October, claiming that the animals might be sacrificed by Satanic cults conducting Halloween rituals.
A red fox regularly infiltrated the henhouse at Four Mile Historic Park, making off with chickens, ducks and geese, while a professional trapper hired to catch him succeeded only in capturing the park's three barn cats. Workers dubbed the marauder "Red T. Fox" and expressed admiration for his daring daylight raids.
A 7,600-pound circus elephant named Hattie died of tuberculosis during a cross-country trip and was buried in the dead-animal section of the Larimer County Landfill.
The City of Denver filed animal-cruelty charges against a woman for delaying ear surgery on her son's box turtle because she didn't have the money. Turtles "don't have the same expression or the same behaviors as dogs and cats, so we tend to ignore their pain and their needs," said the veterinarian who turned in the woman.
A fisherman caught a piranha in the Colorado River near Grand Junction. He took it home and installed it in a giant fish tank, where he and his friends watched it devour goldfish. Wildlife officials speculated that the killer fish had been dumped in the river by a former owner.
A bear in Larimer County broke into thirty trailers in the Crystal Lake subdivision, apparently seeking canned goods. Marveled a Colorado Division of Wildlife official, "He just figured it out and started hitting them."
Campers in western Larimer County witnessed a fight to the death between two moose. "It was literally a bloodbath," said one witness. After finishing off his opponent, the winning moose chased campers up a tree.
An Aurora man staged a jailbreak for his twelve-year-old cocker spaniel, Rusty, who had been impounded for incessant barking. A television film crew documented the blitzkrieg attack, in which the man grabbed the dog from animal-control officers and ran.
A Denver man broke into the Denver Municipal Animal Shelter to spring his yellow lab, Lost Sailor Boy. After being apprehended by a shelter worker, he gave the dog back.
A columnist for the Arvada Jefferson Sentinel advocated the increased use of doggie daycare facilities because it is "cruel and unusual" to leave dogs home alone while owners go to work.
A Horse Is a Horse...
A 1,400-pound Morgan draft horse was found dead in a cottonwood tree seven miles south of Alamosa. The county's land-use administrator speculated that the horse had gotten high on loco weed and tried to jump through the fork of the tree.
The fire department, a large-animal vet and a tow truck with a boom were needed to rescue a horse that got stuck in a cellar in Timnath. Officials were stumped as to how the mare got into the basement.
A Delta County man was convicted of animal cruelty after stabbing his mother-in-law's prize stallion to death with a sword.
An "equine choreographer" in Highlands Ranch taught horses to dance to Broadway show tunes. Star pupils showed off their chops by performing six-minute routines in a "Dancers With Hooves" competition.
After receiving reports of vegetables raining down on a playground near Apple Meadows, Jefferson County sheriff's deputies confiscated a "potato gun" from a 16-year-old boy who lived nearby.
DIA Flight Log...
The Denver Post reported that the airport's highly touted radar system was broken 135 out of 181 days following DIA's opening. Among the problems, according to the paper: Screens went blank while controllers were tracking passenger jets.
Two Wheat Ridge women reviewed "chick flicks" on public-access cable, using a rating system by which bad films were awarded one box of candy, while top attractions received a box of candy, a hot dog, nachos, a soda and popcorn.
The State Patrol closed I-70 east of Denver for four hours after a trucker ran screaming from his big rig, claiming a bomb was on board. Police found no bomb, and the Arkansas man was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving.
A man who told a Denver cabdriver he wanted a ride to Washington, D.C., so he could deliver a bomb got a ride to jail instead.
Amtrak's Southwest Chief passenger train was delayed in La Junta after a 52-year-old man, irate that his liquor had been cut off in the bar car, threatened to blow up the train with a hand grenade. The weapon turned out to be a fake.
This Is a Pump-up!
A Longmont man was arrested after robbing a Boulder tailor's shop with an air-hose nozzle.
If Brains Were Dynamite...
A surgeon and a bomb-squad officer removed an explosive trigger from the sinus cavity of an employee at an Aurora air-bag factory. The device, which packed the charge of five M-80 firecrackers, rocketed into the man's nose during an explosion at the plant.
Frito-Lay stopped test-marketing potato chips containing the Olestra "fake fat" additive in Grand Junction after reports that the substance gave consumers "the runs."
"You Know, I've Got Just the Thing for That Stain..."
Police arrested a Highlands Ranch Amway salesman and charged him with running one of the Front Range's largest prostitution rings.
What's in a Name?
Former Telluride town council member Rasta Stevie Smith pled guilty to possession of more than eight ounces of marijuana.
A Jefferson County grand jury indicted Christian Lawless Harper on two counts of securities fraud.
Police arrested Robert E. Pigg in connection with the slaughter of his roommate.
Greeley residents got bright-eyed and bushy-tailed service from personal-injury lawyer Chip Monk.
Anne Gottlieb Angerman worked as a marriage and family counselor in Aurora.
The residents of Minturn liked hanging out with town manager Dick Dangler.
Team manager Lark Birdsong helped players on the Colorado X-Plosion basketball team make beautiful music together.
Defending society's downtrodden on the board of the American Civil Liberties Union was Rich Male.
Mike Spaniol was the assistant manager at the PetSmart store in Wheat Ridge.
Sheriff's officers in Jefferson County kept an eye out for robbery suspect Timothy John Hood.
A man murdered by a Loveland couple with whom he'd engaged in a menage a trois was found buried in a shallow grave next to the Sweetheart Lanes bowling alley.
Actual Names of Colorado Lawyers
Taxation Law: Frederic H. Poor III
Water Law: Raphael J. Moses
Securities Law: Bruce D. Stocks
Wills, Estate Planning and Probate:
Bankruptcy Law: Carol B. Million
Real Estate Law: Deborah Land
Criminal Law: Robert Ransome
Actual Names of Denver Cops
Actual Names of Colorado Chiropractors
Actual Name of a Colorado Communications Consultant
Smooth Move, Ex-Lax
A Cortez high-school student was sent to the hospital after consuming a pastry doctored with laxative pills and placed on a grocery-store shelf.
The Wayward Buses
A Lakewood man walking along a street accused an RTD bus driver of stopping his vehicle, jumping off, punching the man in the nose and then driving away in the bus.
A passenger on an RTD bus was hit in the face by a large rock thrown through a window.
A Denver bank robber admitted to casing his targets while riding RTD's "0" bus down Broadway.
DIA Flight Log...
In July, a thunderstorm ignited half a dozen tornadoes near DIA, shutting down a runway and sending airport workers and travelers diving for the ditch. "If it had headed east, it would have taken the tents off the terminal," said one rental-car-company manager.
The Stock Show's in Town
Miss Rodeo Kansas was thrown for a loop when thieves broke into her car while she was attending the Wrangler Ball and stole jewelry, a stack of autographed pictures and $2,000 in cash.
A man described by police as "wearing cowboy boots" held up the Key Bank on West Belleview Avenue during the stock show.
Rodeo cowboys announced plans to unionize and demand a health plan, benefits and a bigger share of commercial endorsements.
Actual Names of Stock-Show Steers
Highland Spice Tabasco
TY Bar Mr. Jellybean
Miss Normal Olmo Doom
Maybe She Was Feeling Sleepy...
A Denver man sued the city, alleging that police officer Snow White slammed into his van while responding to an emergency call. The city paid for the damage.
We So Horny
Elk farming boomed in Colorado after Korean pharmaceutical companies began paying from $45 to $80 per pound for ground elk antler, which is prized as a medicinal supplement.
The Smell of the Greasepaint...
During a performance of the play Gangsters' Paradise by the Victory Outreach Church, a group that works with inner-city kids and gang members, someone put birdshot in a .22-caliber pistol that was supposed to contain blanks. Three actors suffered minor injuries, bringing the play to an abrupt halt. Said a Victory Outreach pastor, who added that he had no idea how the ammo got in the gun, "We have a lot of visual effects to make the play as real-life as possible."
Upon concluding that one of the stars of the musical Always...Patsy Cline had gained too much weight, Denver Center Attractions boss Randy Weeks engaged in a screaming match with the alleged porker at the theater bar.
The Play-Ground Theatre in Boulder presented The Dirty Diaper Kingdom & Other Stinky Stories.
Whoosh, There It Is
While walking in Capitol Hill, a resident suffered minor injuries in a late-night blowgun attack. The man told police he heard a "whooshing" sound just before a two-and-half-inch dart entered his back.
Their Mousse Was Cooked
A pair of armed robbers holding up Racine's restaurant in Denver briefly stopped the crime to remove pastries from the oven for workers, whom they had herded into a walk-in freezer.
The Electric Cowman
Twenty-two head of cattle lost their lives when a bolt of lightning struck a tree they were standing under near Montrose. "Usually we lose two or three," said the rancher who owned the steerly departed. "No one's heard of losing 22 head at once before."
So Sue Me
An employee in the Denver office of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission filed a lawsuit claiming she was sexually harassed while working for the EEOC, which investigates sexual-harassment complaints.
Two female pilots sued United Airlines, claiming that its requirement that pilots have 20/20 vision without glasses violated the Americans With Disabilities Act.
A worker at a Denver 7-Eleven store sued the chain's parent company, claiming that his boss treated him like a "virtual slave." Among other things, he complained that he had been "chastised with profanity" if his work was found to be subpar.
An inmate at the federal maximum-security prison in Florence filed suit complaining that prisoners were not provided with sunscreen during their nine hours per week of outdoor exercise.
A Littleton man sued the Starbucks coffeehouse chain, claiming that a "high five" greeting given to him by an employee had injured his shoulder, forcing him to close his basement-refinishing business.
An Illinois couple filed suit declaring that the $2.4 million home they were buying in Aspen was rendered unliveable by the noise made by their neighbor's exotic birds. A judge ruled against introducing the birds as witnesses.
Well, Excuuuse Me!
A man arrested after nearly amputating his girlfriend's hand and lacerating her liver with a samurai sword claimed he had done it by accident.
A man accused of illegally shooting a beloved bull elk in Estes Park after stalking it in his pickup truck said he suffered from attention deficit disorder, which prevented him from understanding the consequences of his actions.
A man charged with illegally shooting a mother bear and her two cubs in Conifer said he shot the mother on purpose but the two baby bears by accident. He set up a legal defense fund on his own behalf.
Attorneys for a Denver postal worker arrested after he showed up for work wearing a gorilla mask, a dress and a strap-on sexual device insisted their client was a victim of negative stereotypes. "If he was a rodeo clown, not a postal employee, he wouldn't be here today," asserted one lawyer.
He Was a Member of the Dumb Crooks League
A 28-year-old Westminster man was arrested after allegedly breaking into a Lakewood business and attacking a guard dog with a hammer. Before being taken to jail, the man was treated for numerous dog bites.
I Am Curioso (Yellow)
A man in Larimer County sued a local Mexican fast-food restaurant, claiming that workers had urinated in his food.
They Were Using Miracle-Blo
After farmers near the old Lowry Bombing and Gunnery Range found live bombs while plowing their fields, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers issued an advisory telling landowners not to dig without hiring someone to search for "unexploded ordnance."
A semi-truck loaded with toilets lost control on I-70 near Silverthorne and slammed into a Jeep Cherokee, injuring four people.
An Aurora man was charged with false reporting after telling police he had been locked in a Porta-Potti at a Lakewood construction site for 26 hours. The man later admitted he had fallen asleep while using the facilities and didn't leave because he was "just tired with the way his life was going."
A pilot for the United Express shuttle service was fired after he hitched a plane ride from Casper to Denver sitting on the toilet.
They Were Playing Cops...and Robbers
Several deputies in the Denver Sheriff's Department were called before a grand jury to explain why they were running an illegal pyramid scheme out of the office.
He Really Did Have It in the Bag
A backpack with $60,000 in cash inside was found in a men's room on the Auraria campus. Authorities said the bag had been left in the bathroom accidentally by a man who'd been cashing his paychecks and stashing the money to keep it away from his wife.
Officers on Patrol, Part 3
The town of Lochbuie asked the city manager to run the police department after the police chief was accused of sexually harassing the former town clerk.
The Last Honest Morons
An Arvada bartender cleaning up for the night found a man hiding in the back room and asked what he was doing there. "I'm being stupid," replied the intruder, who was arrested for burglary.
Denver police arrested a 38-year-old man after a woman returning to her home found the man trying the handle on her back door. When she asked him what he was doing, he replied, "To tell you the truth, I'm burglarizing your house."
"Party On, Slobodan--Party On, Zoran"
U.S. District Judge Zita Weinshienk said a seized shipment of pirated T-shirts bearing the visage of shock-rocker Ozzy Osbourne should be sent to "Bosnia or some other country abroad which could use some clothing."
C'mon, Baby, License My Fire
After Denver was struck by a rash of firebombings, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms joined the case, citing its authority under a federal law that makes it illegal to possess an "unregistered Molotov cocktail."
Boulder Diary, Chapter II
Residents complained that the city was endorsing religion after hikers placed angels on a tree located on city-owned Flagstaff Mountain. The separation between church and state was restored when somebody stole the angels.
A 47-year-old Greeley grandmother was cited for misdemeanor assault after she slapped an 11-year-old girl for pushing her 4-year-old granddaughter off a slide and then slinging obscenities. Said the granny, "She started saying things back to me like, 'You think you're so tough!' and 'You're not so big!' and I just got tired of it and I slapped her."
An Aurora man was found not guilty of misdemeanor battery after he slapped his 17-year-old son for lying to him about a car stereo.
Two Hands Up!
Theater-goers at the AMC Colorado 6 on Alameda ran for cover after gunshots rang out in the parking garage as they were leaving the film Set It Off, about three women who rob banks. Police arrived to find several film buffs still hiding behind their cars.
Coloradans for Family Values
A 19-year-old Denver woman stabbed her 21-year-old cousin in the shoulder to prevent him from taking the last piece of birthday cake.
A Wheat Ridge woman and her 18-year-old son were arrested for stealing purses and other items from the cars of mourners at Mount Olivet cemetery.
A 52-year-old man accidentally shot his 5-year-old son while taking target practice at an Aurora firing range. The boy suffered only a flesh wound--thanks, doctors said, to the fact that he was so fat.
The 16-year-old daughter of a Denver minister shot to death a 23-year-old woman serving as her weekend chaperon.
A 21-year-old Colorado Springs man shot his father after flying into a rage when Mike Tyson lost to Evander Holyfield in the heavyweight title fight.
A 61-year-old Lyons woman was charged with shooting her husband of 44 years while he lounged in his reclining chair.
Officers on Patrol, Part 4
From an actual police report filed by Denver patrolman Paul Murawski, responding to a reported pumpkin-smashing in the Baker neighborhood: "A lone figure, draped in black as if he were the grim reaper himself, approached the orb. The dark figure, calculating his every move, picked up the orb with both hands and raised it high above his head. For a brief moment, time stood still. The figure thrust the orb to the awaiting pavement. In the blink of an eye, he had transformed the resplendent holiday symbol into a heap of jagged, twisted shards of squash. Seeds and rind mingled, forming a grotesque mound, a tribute to the senseless violence of the dark figure."
This End Up
A Greeley man almost died after he cut his finger on the fang of a dead rattlesnake he was removing from the road.
Braking and Entering
A Denver woman attempting to park her Honda drove through the front window of the Denver Motor Vehicle branch office on Dartmouth Avenue.
You Bet Your Life
A 500-pound boulder crashed through the roof of a bus carrying a load of gamblers to Black Hawk, sending seven passengers to the hospital.
That's Not What the Boss Meant by "Networking"
A tire salesman shot and wounded a car salesman during a traffic altercation in Littleton.
DIA Flight Log...
Chagrined that not a single key DIA number was listed in US West's 1995-96 White Pages, airport officials proposed putting a list of airport phone numbers on Robinson Dairy milk cartons.
Just Call Him "The Enforcer"
A 38-year-old Denver man who went to collect on a $700 debt was found by police with his head shaved bald and his eyes spray-painted shut.
Boulder Diary, Chapter III
The Boulder chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union complained when the sheriff's department started putting up white crosses at the scene of drunk-driving fatalities. The ACLU alleged that the crosses had a "religious significance." The sheriff relented and began marking the death sites with red X's.
The Hunters and the Hunted
A 21-year-old hunter accidentally shot himself in the side while fastening his seat belt.
A hunter from Texas died when a thirty-foot aspen branch fell on him, breaking his neck.
Denver Post outdoors writer Bob Saile bemoaned the increasing number of "mistaken-for-game shootings in turkey hunting." His concern was prompted by a case in which a hunter was shot to death by another hunter after the two men coaxed each other closer by sounding their turkey lures.
Officers on Patrol, Part 5
The rose garden at the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department was honored with the All-American Rose Selection Award for maintenance.
Fame and Misfortune
Actor Dudley Moore rolled his Lexus sedan during a snowstorm southwest of Telluride.
Former Reagan chief of staff John Sununu crashed into a pole during a celebrity ski race at Breckenridge, breaking seven ribs.
Bozo Gone Bad
The Aspen City Council approved a new ordinance regulating the activities of clowns when mothers complained that some street performers used lewd language and had "holes in their pants in inappropriate places."
A man attempting to burglarize a Federal Boulevard clothing store got stuck in an air vent and spent the night hanging upside down. Said the police officer who found him, "My first view of him was his wiggling toes."
A burglary suspect in Englewood attempted to elude police by stripping to his underwear and pretending he was a jogger.
Don't Follow the Leader
After Fort Collins became the second city in Colorado to nab speeding motorists with radar-triggered cameras, Mayor Ann Azari was caught speeding on her way to a city council meeting. Several weeks later, Fort Collins city manager John Fischbach was popped by a radar camera in Commerce City--the first Colorado city to install the devices.
Silverthorne mayor Tom Long made national headlines and was interviewed by radio broadcaster Paul Harvey after he suggested that the town dig potholes, rather than install speed bumps, to slow down speeders. "If we can cure potholes and cone zones, our civilization will be safe," said Long.
Parker mayor Gary Lasater acknowledged repeatedly pursuing motorists he believed had committed traffic violations. One local woman blasted Lasater for veering toward her car with his, running her onto the shoulder after she allegedly tried to pass him in a no-passing zone. Lasater admitted following her to the beauty shop where she worked and asking her, "Young lady, do you have any idea who I am?"
What a Way to Go
A tank driver at Fort Carson died when his head got caught between the tank turret and the tank hull.
Two Colorado Springs men died when they missed a turn and drove over a cliff near Manitou Springs.
A Vail woman using a garden shovel to knock snow off her roof died when the snow slid off and fell on top of her. Friends arriving for a scheduled dinner party found her in four feet of snow with "her feet and part of her legs protruding."
A 37-year-old Commerce City man died after falling into the road while trying to do a handstand atop a moving car.
A Douglas County woman died when a Jeep being test-driven by her 16-year-old daughter overturned on a curve.
A 62-year-old truckdriver died in Weld County when his big rig crashed, sending hundreds of cans of Vienna sausages into the cab and crushing him.
The longtime director of road and bridge operations in Jefferson County died when a bulldozer he was driving rolled down a hill, cutting a "twenty-foot swath through the trees."
A man was baked to death after accidentally locking himself in an industrial kiln at the Denver Brick Company plant in Castle Rock.
A Fort Carson paratrooper fell to his death after mistakenly releasing a mechanism that connected his parachute to his body.
A city worker in Glenwood Springs died when the brakes on his street sweeper failed on a steep hill, causing the sixteen-ton vehicle to break through a fence, go airborne and land in a trailer park.
A 61-year-old Colorado Springs man landing his airplane at Arapahoe County's Centennial Airport died when another aircraft landed on top of him.
A 32-year-old Broomfield woman died after being struck by a car while dancing in the southbound traffic lanes of Simms Street.
A Denver man died when a top-fuel dragster backed over him at a local speedway.
A 42-year-old Colorado Springs man was shot to death by a 21-year-old woman in a "confrontation over dog feces."
A dog living on 81st Street in Boulder County died in what police described as a drive-by shooting.
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