And you thought you had a crazy year. Getting jiggy with a student at a Baptist school, driving a scooter without a license in Miami, possessing four grams of cocaine in Aspen, threatening to shoot out a Best Buy in Aurora over a video game and literally getting shit on in Boulder -- these are all some of the strangest crimes that turned heads and made headlines in Colorado in 2011. Check out our top ten below.
10. Rockies pitcher Drew Pomeranz disturbed the peace in Mississippi
Once considered to be one of 2011's midseason prospects by Baseball America, Drew Pomeranz's much esteemed reputation was tarnished on October 14 when he was arrested in Oxford, Mississippi, for kicking ass and taking names. Well, not really, but that would have been more interesting than "disturbing the peace" in Oxford.
9. Broncos kicker Matt Prater arrested on DUI
As we reported this summer, Matt Prater left Shotgun Willie's on August 2 with a woman who worked there. He brought her back to the Hyatt Summerfield Suites in Greenwood Village, and while in the parking lot, Prater drove a Chevy Trailblazer back into a silver sedan. Police eventually found the Broncos kicker at a nearby La Quinta, charging him with a DUI. It's hard out there for a Bronco.
8. Nuggets forward J.R. Smith rides scooter in Miami without a license
Man, Denver athletes just can't catch a break in 2011. Before Pomeranz and Prater, there was J.R. Smith and his scooter in Miami. Smith was allegedly operating the scooter without a license, which has been suspended until March 2012 because of Smith's poor driving history. TMZ reported that Smith was not placed in jail for the offense, which was much more minor than an earlier one. In 2009, he was suspended by the NBA after pleading guilty to reckless driving in a 2007 auto accident that killed one of his friends. Sure, this time it may have only been a scooter, but next time, who knows.
7. Dog The Bounty Hunter barges into Breckenridge
Duane "Dog" Chapman and his crew barged into La Montana Linda restaurant and cantina in Breckenridge during the first week of July. Dog and his bodyguards were on the hunt for the father of the La Montana owner when they entered in the back door. According to the Summit Daily News, witnesses reported that one of the bodyguards claimed he could hurt the restaurant owner's friends without facing charges because he was a "superstar." Lupe Fiasco said it best: "If you are what you say you are, a superstar, then (you can) have no fear."
6. Lance Armstrong gets all wordy in Aspen
It's strange to make a federal case out of a mere conversation. Then again, every word was crucial in the conversation that took place between Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong and Tyler Hamilton, an Olympic cycling gold medalist and one of Armstrong's former teammates. Thing is, following Hamilton's accusations of Armstrong doping which aired on 60 Minutes, the chance encounter between the two at Aspen's Cache Cache in June was really awkward. Hamilton was rattled that Armstrong confronted him; Armstrong claimed he was just saying hello, according to Abe Streep, a writer at Outside magazine who was eating dinner at a restaurant next door when the altercation went down.
Page down for our top five.
5. Brooke Mueller #cocaine #Aspen
It looks like Charlie Sheen's #winning streak ended finally. In the first of two Aspen-related incidents, Brooke Mueller challenged ex-hubby Charlie Sheen's criminal history in the mountain town. On December 2, Mueller faced class-four felony charges for cocaine possession with intent to distribute and third-degree assault near the Belly Up in Aspen. Her excuse? Trying to "impress her friends." Police allegedly found Mueller holding four grams of cocaine.
4. Colorado Springs teacher boinks one of her students
To shag or not to shag: That was the question at Hilltop Baptist School in Colorado Springs in February. Following a series of interviews, the El Paso County sheriff's office ruled that the sexual relationship between former teacher Terah Rawlings and her then-fifteen-year-old male student quickly exceeded the scope of the classroom. Creepily, she wasn't alone. Much like the Joe Paterno case, Pastor Franklin "Wayne" Knight and brother Raymond "Allen" Knight, Rawlings' uncle and dad, respectively -- along with Jan Ocvirk, the school's principal -- were also hit with charges for their failure to report child abuse or neglect. The only A for effort goes to the teenager for achieving the ultimate hot-for-teacher fantasy, even if said teacher was really, really creepy.
3. Pat Sullivan solicits meth for sex
You know what's ironic? When you're thrown in a jail that has the same name you do. Oh wait -- it was named after you, in your honor. Following his late November alleged attempt to trade meth for sex with a male acquaintance, Pat Sullivan, former sheriff of Arapahoe County, was incarcerated in the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility. Current Arapahoe County sheriff Grayson Robinson said of Sullivan's alleged bartering activities: "The allegations of criminal behavior involving Pat Sullivan are extraordinarily disturbing.... While the arrest of the former sheriff is very troubling, the Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office continues to ensure that those who are responsible for criminal behavior and the victimization of our community will be held accountable by the criminal justice system. No one, and particularly a current or a former peace officer, is above the law."
2. Call of Duty spurs a call to arms
Lomorin Sar was just your average gamer, excited for the new edition of Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3, to be released in November. When the Aurora Best Buy didn't have Sar's pre-ordered copy of CoD: MW3 available after midnight on release day, though, that's when shit hit the fan. According to Aurora police, Sar went from excited to enraged. He allegedly asked Best Buy staffers when their shifts would so he could shoot them in the parking lot, and then Sar threatened to blow up the store.
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Remember the creep who busted in a porta-potty at a Boulder yoga festival in June? Turns out, the man, Luke Chrisco, thirty, was "just seeing all these goddesses" at the festival and "felt like I was being blessed by their energy." Energy? Try feces, dude. This simulation video recounts the situation better than words ever could:
More from our Colorado Crimes archive: "Adam Laham heads back to court in case of five-year-old killing three-year-old with his gun."