THE BEAR NECESSITIES
Pronghorn Gifts, the Denver Zoo
Number of polar bear items on display: 18
Overall theme: Noble, endangered, anonymous adult polar bears meet personality-laden juveniles Klondike and Snow in a fluffy yet environmentally aware display.
T-shirt situation: Too many to count, ranging in price from $13.95 to $18.95, with a choice of seven colors and sizes from toddler to professional wrestler. All feature Klondike, Snow and combinations thereof.
Cheapest bear: Hard plastic adult polar bear, generic wilderness style, approximately two inches in height, $1.75.
Priciest bear: Huge stuffed adult polar bear, plush white fur, four feet long, $135.95. (For the same amount of money, at this same store, you could buy 54 realistic pig masks or 21.5 stuffed bats.)
Least cuddly bear: Very hard, dense plastic polar bear, no movable parts, $4.95.
Most educational bear: Klondike and Snow Coloring and Activity book, price recently reduced from $5.95 to $3.95.
More bear essentials: Keychain, $1.95. Sports bottle, $3.50. Mug, $8.95. Woven throw, $56.95. Vest with polar scene, including bears, $27.95.
Customer: "I can't believe they're getting rid of those adorable bears."
Clerk: "It's okay. Six new ones are on the way."
Customer: "Really? How do you know?"
Clerk (mysteriously): "Oh, I know."
King Soopers, 13th and Speer
Number of polar bear items on display: 22
Overall theme: Let's party, complete with presents. Klondike and Snow are emblazoned on paper napkins, cups, tablecloths, thank you notes, gift boxes and wrapping paper. For Christmas, Klondike and Snow porcelain tree ornaments, "handcrafted by Cindi," are available at $13.99 each.
T-shirt situation: Six different styles, many sizes and colors, starting at $8.99, vying for space with shirts from the NFL and the Colorado Rockies.
Cheapest bear: Klondike and Snow bumper stickers, two for 99 cents.
Priciest bear: Stuffed Klondike or Snow, $19.99
Beer bear: Klondike and Snow can cooler, $1.99
More bear essentials: Framed poster, dorm-room style, $5.99. Commuter mug, $9.95. Five different kids of stationery, $2.99 to $8.95.
Clerk: "Some old lady came in here and bought six of those stuffed Klondikes, at $19.99 each."
Customer: "No Snow?"
Clerk: "Nah. Just Klondikes.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Denver, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.