THE BOTTOM TEN
Occupation: Manager of Denver Department of Public Works
Thanks to a change in the city charter a few years back, Baby Face Musgrave was given subpoena power in his role as the czar of public works. And Bozo the Airport Clown used it with a vengeance, demanding that Channel 9 turn over the unedited tapes of its latest series on city workers eating doughnuts on company time. After ringing up a legal tab of more than $40,000, Musgrave and the city dropped the suit. But while Musgrave was busy chasing Paula Woodward, Denver International Airport continued to twist in the wind. Doughnuts, anyone?
Most Notable Accomplishment: Once reported pothole via cellular phone.
Most Notable Disappointment: Later tripped in same pothole, getting mud on Dockers pants.
Quote (on April 20, 1994): "The bottom line is, we're going to open May 15 and we're going to meet the needs of the airlines and the traveling public."
Occupation: Denver City Attorney
Known as "Commissioner Snooze" during his lazy days on the Colorado Public Utilities Commission, Muse woke up from his nap just in time to wreak havoc as Mayor Wellington Webb's chief mouthpiece and bottlewasher. When he wasn't running up a $12 million tab hiring outside firms to handle the city's legal affairs, Muse devoted his time to restricting the flow of information to the public. Dan the Man saw himself as the chief partner in a big-time law firm, and he acted like it, doing his best to cloak info on a polluters' settlement at the Lowry Landfill Superfund Site and the proposed sale of the Winter Park ski area. The law, sir, really is an ass!
Most Notable Accomplishment: Developed trailblazing legal theory that taxpayers don't have the right to know what lawyers working for the city are doing, because such information falls under "attorney-client privilege."
Most Notable Disappointment: Failed to come up with plan to overturn First Amendment.
Quote (to a Denver Post reporter asking about the Lowry Landfill settlement): "The fact that you can't take a look at the numbers is of no consequence to me. I don't care."
Francisco Martin Duran
Occupation: Talk-radio listener
The mild-mannered marksman from Colo-rado Springs put the state back on the map in October when he traveled to Washington, D.C., and squeezed off a few rounds in the general direction of the White House. A former soldier who was dishonorably discharged from the Army after being convicted of aggravated assault with a jeep, Duran reportedly spent his days zinging along to the rantings of talk-show raver Chuck Baker. Little Brains of Stone apparently was convinced his blaze of glory would make him a historical figure; his wife, Ingrid, who apparently didn't leave much of her heart in Francisco, endeared herself to the public when she told reporters requesting interviews, "Money talks and bullshit walks."
Most Notable Accomplish-ment: Managed to find Washington, D.C., on the map.
Most Notable Disappoint-ment: Apprehended after shooting by another aspiring presidential candidate--also from Colorado.
Quote (during a phone call to the office of Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell): "I'm gonna go to Wash-inton and take somebody out!"
Occupation: Former politician
The erstwhile candidate for secretary of state admitted that she'd threatened to file a discrimination or harassment complaint against her boss, Ben Nighthorse Campbell, if he didn't keep her and her $88,000 salary on the payroll past election day. She later said the statement was made in "an irrational moment."
Most Notable Accomplishment: First candidate in state history to have both Denver dailies take back their endorsements.
Most Notable Disappointment: Helped turn Republican Vikki Buckley into media darling.
Quote (about Campbell, who criticized her for not doing a good enough job visiting his branch offices in Grand Junction and Pueblo): "I did a good enough job to get him elected."
Occupation: Criminal defendant
The Colorado Rockies would have crumbled had this tough guy from Youngstown, Ohio, held on to the franchise. As it turned out, the Mickster was too busy overseeing the decline and fall of the Phar-Mor drugstore chain, which nearly collapsed after a massive embezzlement scheme in which losses may ultimately top $1 billion. Mickey Rat's first federal fraud trial ended in a hung jury, followed immediately by an investigation of possible jury tampering. He'll go back to court February 27 to face 123 counts of fraud and embezzlement.
Most Notable Accomplishment: Once had his own cheerleading squad that yelled, "Mickey, Mickey, you're so fine, your success just blows our mind!"
Most Notable Disappointment: Forced to sell 10 percent share in the Rockies to new owners at bargain basement price of $300,000.
Quote (to his father, outside the courtroom): "They fabricated the whole thing."
Occupation: Professional baseball pitcher, criminal defendant
After being roughed up by opposing teams during his stints on the mound for the Colorado Rockies, Moore allegedly responded by roughing up his girlfriend--so severely that he was ordered to stand trial for first-degree sexual assault. The rag arm had just been demoted to the club's Colorado Springs farm team when he was charged with whipping the woman's buttocks with a belt and then raping her. Moore, 23, reportedly flew into a rage after the woman arrived late to pick him up from a ball game.
Most Notable Accomplishment: Made bail.
Most Notable Disappointment: Couldn't beat anyone on the baseball field.
Quote (from Rockies general manager Bob Gebhard, who let Moore keep pitching): "I'm not the one pressing charges. We [the Rockies] have nothing to do about it."
Occupation: Professional football team owner, whiner
You could almost hear the Canadian bacon sizzling as Bowlen watched the Colorado Rockies get a brand-new stadium built at taxpayer expense. Bowlen's predictably pouty response: a full-fledged PR campaign designed to get the Broncos their own pigskin Taj Mahal, preferably one built on the backs of the working stiffs who already shell out big bucks to watch the Donkeys underwhelm. Poor-mouthing it all the way to the public piggy bank, the millionaire from Cherry Hills Village by way of the Great White North complained that Elway and the boys couldn't possibly play in drafty old Mile High Stadium. Judging from the team's sorry 1994 performance--a debacle that just happened to follow Bowlen's decision to take a more "active role" in the franchise--he may have been right.
Most Notable Accomplishment: Purchased Cherry Hills Village mansion formerly owned by convicted felon Bill Wall.
Most Notable Disappointment: Wade Phillips.
Quote: "It's like you have an old car, and finally you spend so much money to keep it running that it's better to get a new car."
Occupation: Oilman, crybaby
When he entered the governor's race, Benson promised to take the high road and talk about issues and job performance. Instead, with the help of washed-up D.C. politico Ed Rollins, his campaign swerved wildly, making his drunk-driving record a campaign issue and raging at the media when it followed up on the divorce Benson had so melodramatically described as "painful." The real pain, though, was reading about how Benson allegedly phoned his then-wife to inform her she wouldn't be coming along on the couple's annual Hawaiian vacation since he was taking his girlfriend instead.
Most Notable Accomplishment: Gave at least $3.45 million of his own money to his campaign.
Most Notable Disappointment: TV ad prominently featuring his backside failed to catapult him to victory as planned.
Quote (from his daughter Ann, pictured sobbing spastically in one of his campaign ads): "I've never seen more vicious attacks."
The Officials of Costilla County
Occupation: Public servants
Seven officials and employees of the tiny Costilla County government were indicted by a state grand jury on 22 charges ranging from corruption and theft to perjury. Four of the seven pled guilty; the other three are awaiting trial. Prosecutors say fraud and corruption were so pervasive in the rural county that two of the men purchased new cars and billed them to the county.
Most Notable Accomplishment: County administrator allegedly had Quonset hut erected on his property at taxpayer expense.
Most Notable Disappointment: State got trial moved out of Costilla County to Denver.
Quote (from a county resident): "I think the general feeling is, it's about time something was done."
The bespectacled Denver continued to be hell on wheels, wrapping his 1963 Porsche around a tree while trapped in the fog of what authorities charged was a soaring Rocky Mountain high. The singer was arrested and charged with drunk driving one year to the day from the last time he proved unable to take himself home on Aspen's country roads. Johnny Boy quickly hired hotshot Denver defense attorney Walter Gerash, who announced that Denver would plead not guilty--because a concussion he suffered in the crash made it impossible for him to legally consent to a blood-alcohol test.
Most Notable Accomplishment: Published autobiography titled Take Me Home.
Most Notable Disappointment: Needed fourteen stitches after bumping forehead on steering wheel.
Quote (from Gerash): "Even if he had been drinking, if he couldn't give them voluntary permission to take his blood, then the test is inadmissible.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Westword's biggest stories.