The solution for cleaning up the Gulf is out of this world
Aliens could be one of the hottest issues on the November ballot. Not illegal ones from south of the border, but those sneaky bastards from up in the sky.
Would-be voters have only a few days left to register for the August 10 primary. But even if they decide to sit out this particular mudfest, they'll still be able to weigh in on Jeff Peckman's proposal that Denver create a seven-member Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, which would be required to post "credible evidence" of extraterrestrial visitors on the city's website. Although that measure was originally slated for Denver's August ballot, the Denver Elections Division found that it could move the vote to November — which will save the city a boatload of cash, since the ET proposal was the sole citywide issue, and now the division only needs to send primary ballots to voters who are registered members of political parties with contested seats.
Peckman himself had no problem with the vote being moved back a few months, "since I was disappointed thinking about lower voter turnout in August, when students wouldn't be in school," he says. Now he'll be able to campaign through the fall, taking advantage of what he sees as the electorate's increased interest in UFOs, as exemplified by the History Channel's recent Ancient Aliens: The Series, the success of Avatar — and, of course, the endless conspiracy theories about aliens at Denver International Airport.
As added impetus, how about this: Aliens could clean up this country's stickiest problem if we'd just put out the welcome mat. "Government whistleblowers claim that some...clean energy alternatives have already been derived from alien crafts and kept secret from the public for decades to protect oil company profits," Peckman proclaims. "They have also revealed knowledge of advanced extraterrestrial technologies that are able to clean up BP's Gulf oil catastrophe and other pollution of water, air and soil."
That should grease a few political wheels.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- One Arrest at Broncos Victory Parade and Rally Out of Estimated 1 Million Fans
- NFL's Marijuana Ban the "Correct Policy," Says Commissioner Roger Goodell
- Reader: I Own a Subaru Outback and I Admit I Can Be an Ass on the Road