Things we'd like to recall in Colorado
A week after Senate president John Morse Senator Angie Giron, both Democrats, were recalled from their seats representing Colorado Springs and Pueblo, respectively, Colorado is still trying to make sense of the effort, which initially focused on the now-former lawmakers' stance on gun control but grew into so much more. This was the first legislative recall in Colorado history — but it certainly won't be the last recall in this state. In fact, here's our list of eight more people, places and things that we'd like to vote out of Colorado. Right now.
1. The weather. As if the drought hadn't already caused enough damage, including spurring those horrendous wildfires of the past two years, now we have the reverse — a Biblical deluge that just won't quit, causing devastating flooding and widespread damage. Colorado needed rain, but we didn't need this. Go away, clouds, and bring back some of those 300 days of sunshine.
2. Secessionists. For the past few months, cranky residents in ten northern Colorado counties have been advocating that they secede from Colorado because they feel ignored by more left-leaning urban counties. But everyone's paying plenty of attention to those counties, many of them hard-hit by the floods, right now. So let's recall the secession movement. After all, millions and millions of dollars' worth of taxes collected in the rest of the state they hate — not to mention additional support from donations, volunteer work and basic manpower — will be headed their way over the next few months, and possibly years, to help them get back on their feet after the devastating floods. Or we could just evict those counties now and spend the money on those who want to stay part of Colorado.
3. The new Colorado logo. Colorado is now a hazardous-waste area; just ask the people in Boulder, Larimer and Weld counties who'll be dealing with death, destruction and contamination for the foreseeable future. So do we really want a state logo that looks like a hazardous-waste warning sign? (Or a beer coaster, or a green tortilla chip, as some have said? Or a rip-off of the 56-year-old logo of Sugerloaf, the Maine ski area that's the biggest this side of the Rockies?) No. The state flag should do just fine.
4. Jon Caldara. If Secretary of State Scott Gessler really wants to investigate voter fraud, he should start with political stuntman Jon Caldara, who never misses a chance to grab a headline. Caldara signed an election affidavit changing his legal residence to Colorado Springs earlier this month so that he could vote in Morse's recall election — and publicize another law, this one regarding elections, passed while Morse was in office. But in doing so, the longtime Boulder resident disavowed his real home. If we had our druthers, he'd move a lot farther than Colorado Springs. Maybe to Alabama, or another state where he'd fit right in.
5. Fracking fluids. If your governor drinks fracking fluid and no one's around to see it, does it really count? We're not sure, but we hope John Hickenlooper is thirsty, because he has a lot more to absorb, now that people are raising concerns about fracking fluid leaking into the flood waters.
6. The Monforts. We realize that the Colorado Rockies are just a minor-league team, but that doesn't mean Colorado baseball fans aren't proud. And as each season stacks up worse than the one before, we'd love to have something to root for. Oh, wait, the Rockies aren't a minor-league team? Time to sell the team, boys.
7. Lori Saine. Whatever you think about Morse and Giron, there are definitely a few elected officials still in office who should hit the road, starting with Dacono Republican Lori Saine, who set an open box of Popeye's fried chicken on the table in front of her at a meeting at the State Capitol of the Economic Opportunity Poverty Reduction Task Force. Saine denied that the action was a silent protest in support of fellow Republican Vicki Marble, who'd gotten in trouble at an earlier meeting earlier for blaming poverty and weight problems among black people on foods with which they are stereotypically associated, like Southern cooking and barbecue. Saine did racists proud the world over. But she embarrassed the rest of us.
8. LoDo at let-out. There's only one place more dangerous than the banks of any Colorado river right now, and that's lower downtown around 2 a.m., when the bars kick everyone out into the streets, a mass exodus that devolves into violence — shootings, beatings, muggings — on an all-too-frequent basis.
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