Tim Tebow's season passing stats refer to Bible verses! Blogger proves it!
After the Broncos' shocking playoffs victory over the Steelers, we noted that Tim Tebow's 316 yards through the air echoed John 3:16, a Biblical verse he used to write in his eye black.
Building on that theme, Free Colorado's Ari Armstrong sets out to prove that Tebow's passing stats throughout the season point to Bible verses, too -- and damned if he doesn't make a mighty compelling argument.
In a post entitled "The Book of Tebow," Armstrong points out that Tebow's 316 yards came as a result of ten completed passes -- and "J," for "John," is the tenth letter of the alphabet.
He then applies this same code to Tebow statistics from earlier in the season. For instance, The Chosen One completed four passes for 79 yards against the San Diego Chargers in the season's fifth game -- numbers that call up Daniel (because "D" is the fourth letter) 7:9. It reads:
As I looked, thrones were placed and one that was ancient of days took his seat; his raiment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames, its wheels were burning fire.
Fiery enough for you?
Armstrong's interpretation: "That week, the Chargers beat the Broncos. Their 'throne' a 'fiery flame?' Well, it's the Chargers, and just look at the logo of their helmets! It's a flame! And the white hair? Check out the mane of Chargers general manager A. J. Smith.
Mind not blown yet? Hang on. In week seven against Miami, Tebow completed thirteen passes for 161. "M" is the thirteenth letter, but it can't pertain to "Malachi," because "that book doesn't contain enough chapters or verses," Armstrong allows. So it clearly must nod to Matthew 16:1, which reads:
And the Pharisees and Sadducees came, and to test him they asked him to show a sign from heaven.
No doubt Tebow was tested in that contest, facing a fifteen point deficit with just over five minutes left. But he persevered, and the result was a heavenly 18-15 Denver victory.
More evidence? In game eight, Tebow completed eighteen passes for 172 yards. "R," of course, is the eighteenth letter, but once again, Ruth and Romans aren't candidates for reference because of their length. So that means the winning verse is Revelation 17:2, which starts mid-sentence -- so Armstrong includes the first verse as well:
Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the judgment of the great harlot who is seated upon many waters, with whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and with the wine of whose fornication the dwellers on earth have become drunk."
As you'll recall, the Broncos lost that contest to the Detroit Harlots (er, Lions) by a 45-10 score. And during that game, how many times was Tebow sacked? Seven -- the same number as the angels and the bowls. And while Armstrong concedes that he's "not sure what the 'fornication' bit means -- perhaps it was metaphorical," he maintains that "the Broncos sure played like they were drunk."
As this last line insinuates, Armstrong's tongue appears to be in the vicinity of his cheek, but that doesn't make his discovery any less valid. So let's hope at the end of Saturday's game with the Patriots, Tebow has completed twelve passes for 263 yards, making flesh Leviticus 26:3 and its succeeding lines:
"If you walk in My statutes and keep My commandments, and perform them.... you shall eat your bread to the full, and dwell in your land safely. I will give peace in the land, and you shall lie down, and none will make you afraid; I will rid the land of evil beasts, and the sword will not go through your land. You will chase your enemies, and they shall fall by the sword before you. Five of you shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight; your enemies shall fall by the sword before you."
Take that, you Patriot heathens!
Follow and like the Michael Roberts/Westword Facebook page.
More from our Sports archive: "Tim Tebow's 10 most motivational Bible verse recommendations & when to use them (PICS)."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
- Cop Kills Man at Pizza Ranch Restaurant After He Grabs Customer
Fri., Sep. 4, 7:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:30pm
- Marijuana May Cause Decreased Sperm Counts, New Study Finds
- Reader: Don't Say You're From Colorado Every Five Seconds Like a Vegan