After an exciting year-long run-up, Metropolitan State College of Denver's Board of Trustees has announced its choice for the school's new moniker. And the winner is...Denver State University! The crowd goes...meh.
What's that? Think we should stop bellyaching unless we have better suggestions? Actually, we do. We have suggestions that kick ass.
First off, let's consider "Denver State University," a name that still has to get legislative go-ahead before it's official. Honestly, the new designation sounds downright rural, like Denver State is one of the teams the Dillon Panthers take on in Friday Night Lights. (Yes, we know the Panthers are in high school and Denver State is a college, but just go with the metaphor, all right?) Metro State, on the other hand, had a bit of urban grit to it, some big-city flash. Sure, Denver itself doesn't have much grit or flash, but, baby, it's all about the strategic marketing.
Plus, Metro State's students and alums for the most part seemed to consider "Metro State" just fine. According to college statistics, 49.7 percent of alumni and students either wanted to keep the old name or, at most, change it to Metro State University. Only 36.2 percent opted for Denver State University. Still, the Board of Trustees voted five-to-two in favor of Denver State. Maybe they're all fans of Friday Night Lights.
But stop the presses! Er, we mean stop the bureaucratic process that's pushing this name change along! We have not one, not two, but ten downright amazing alternatives for Metro State's new name, any one of which would ensure that every single student there graduated summa cum laude in Fuck-Yeah. Don't like our suggestions? Tough luck. As Metro State's Board of Trustees have demonstrated, you can't like your name and choose it, too.
Page through below to see all ten, complete with exciting new logos like this one:
10. Denver Awesome College of Sharktiger
9. Dr. Reefer's Mile High Institute of Bud Tending and Ounce Counting
8. The Fraternity-Free, Moderately Diverse Establishment for Sheltered College Experiences
7. The Harvard of Northwestern Auraria
6. The Relatively Inexpensive Institute of Just Getting It Over With
5. Vocational College of Business Finance Degree
4. Denver Community College of Two More Years
3. Some College of Denver
2. Denver University of Lowered Expectations
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1. Crazy-Time College of Boozy Hijinks and Random T&A Set to '80s Music
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