Worry over the outcome of a mail-in vote on a new contract isn't the only thing stressing out King Soopers workers this season, as I learned during a shopping trip yesterday. When "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" came streaming over the speakers, our teenage sacker announced, "That's the seventh time so far today," adding, "They play the same ten songs over and over again."
When I asked her which holiday tunes annoyed her the most, she said, "Frosty the Snowman," explaining after a co-worker said she actually enjoyed that one, "I like it when it's a nice day and it's fun to think about snow -- not a day like today," when snow was falling and the wind chill was well below zero. Which probably explains why "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" is also near the top of her irritation list.
As for ours, here are the songs played incessantly on store sound systems this season that make us want to run the other way, as opposed to opening up our wallets.
5. "The Christmas Song." A wonderful ditty that's been absolutely beaten to death by repetition, and not just because roasting chestnuts over an open fire is about as much fun as shoeing your own horse. The pace of the song leads to the sort of overly dramatic vocalizing that's obvious even through speakers twenty feet over your head.
4. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Another fine song typically done in by delivery: Most singers tend to croon it as if it's about getting laid, not getting a gift. Although, granted, they can be the same things...
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3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." First of all, you did not see Mommy kissing Santa Claus; that was your drunken Uncle Frank, and Mommy didn't like it one bit. Secondly, the cutesy premise of the composition wears thin after the thousandth spin, let alone the ten-thousandth.
2. "White Christmas." Sorry, but by this point, when I hear buh-buh-buh-Bing Crosby warming up to warble this ubiquitous holiday staple, I don't get nostalgic; I get nauseous.
1. "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." This novelty number was beyond annoying by the time it became a national hit in 1984. A quarter-century later, it fits a description voiced by John Cusack's character in Grosse Pointe Blank: "Special torture!"