Top ten outmoded industries Colorado should lure after snagging Blockbuster
If the last time you rented a movie from Blockbuster also happened to be the last time you watched an Eddie Murphy movie, you're not alone. But just in case you did feel like giving up Netflix, Hulu and Redbox and rewinding that copy of Beverly Hills Cop III you borrowed in 1994, Colorado's got your back. The state will soon become the marginally irrelevant company's HQ. What other industries would make as big an impact if they could be convinced to relocate here? Here's our top ten.10. Lava lamps
What was once the international symbol of hunka-hunka burning love is now the symbol of "this apartment is a fire hazard." The lava lamp traded in its cool for kitsch somewhere in the early '80s, but it continues to make a slow resurgence in the occasional ironic or brotastic dorm room. (The irony is that there isn't any.) 9. 8-track tapes
In 1965, the Ford Motor Company launched its first line of custom-installed 8-track tape players inside vehicles -- and the world has never looked back. Coloradans who still consider John Denver the height of musical sophistication might be convinced to give up any freedom of song choice whatsoever in order to bring back the phenomenon and get one tape jammed inside their player for the rest of eternity. Page down to continue our top ten countdown of industries Colorado should lure after landing Blockbuster. 8. Woolworth's
Its reference in the lyrics of The Music Man is about as culturally savvy as this department store remains today -- but before its 1997 demise it ruled Christmas lists across the country. Come to think of it, where do people even buy BB guns these days? 7. Borders
The shuttering of the literary mega-chain struck fear in the heart of overpriced-book buyers everywhere; thankfully, Barnes & Noble still exists. As long as Colorado is standing in the way of online technology, it might as well add Amazon.com to the list of easier options it ignores. Page down to continue our top ten countdown of industries Colorado should lure after landing Blockbuster. 6. Pagers
Opportunity is calling, Colorado, and it needs you to call it back whenever you get a chance to check your beeper. There's something particularly synchronous about a technology that stays silent while you watch the movies you rented. 5. Pan Am
Forget Iceland. What Coloradans really want to do is fly back in time. If number three on this list doesn't do the trick, maybe nostalgia will. Page down to continue our top ten countdown of industries Colorado should lure after landing Blockbuster. 4. Floppy disks
Depending on your size preference, this bad boy would allow you to hold between one and 200 megabytes of data -- until it eventually crashed your hard drive, dug in and could never be ejected from your computer again. (For similar anguish, see: 8-track tapes.) 3. DeLoreans
Governor Hickenlooper has a lot to learn from Back to the Future's Doc Brown, and never parking next to another vehicle again is only at the top of that list. Quoth the questionably credentialed doctor himself, "The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?" Page down to continue our top ten countdown of industries Colorado should lure after landing Blockbuster. 2. Beanie Babies
Somehow, these still exist. That means that somewhere out there, my mom and aunts are probably still buying them for me. If Colorado could somehow convince all of your aunts and all of their unicorns and platypuses (platypi?) to immigrate, the resulting boom in the economy would sound like thousands of mid-'90s boom boxes playing together in perfect harmony. 1. MySpace
Fact: Thomas "Tom" Anderson, creator of the most frustrating way to stalk your crush ever, is 41 years old. And while he's alleged to live in LA, every past-their-prime e-genius needs a vacation home away from all the messages. Look no further than the Front Range, Tom. And will you please accept our friend request? We can see you already opened it.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.