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Top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps

We're all taught not to speak ill of the dead. But in the case of Fred Phelps, head of Kansas' vile Westboro Baptist Church, who breathed his last yesterday, we're going to make an exception.

To mark Phelps' passing, we've combined two offerings -- a 2013 Jenn Wohletz post recapping the top five times Phelps and the WBC got owned and a 2011 roundup of the top eight WBC insults against Colorado. That's a lucky thirteen ways to bid farewell to one of the most hateful figures in recent American history. Count them down below.

Top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps

Number 13: Hackers on the hook

After WBC members proclaimed they would picket funerals of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims in 2012, a group of hacktivists appropriately named "Anonymous" hit the WBC right in the hard drive by crashing the holy hell out of Westboro's website, GodHatesFags.com, with a distributed denial of service (DDOS) attack (which in non-hacker terms means "your sh*t don't work -- mortgage your house and call Geek Squad). The unrepentant hackers stated that they will keep it up "until they are forced to put their inbred church tithes to use to pay for bandwidth." The same hackers also released a WBC member list, including personal contact information, and that move was certainly a violation of the church members' privacy.

But since picketing peoples' funerals is a particularly heinous violation of privacy, it's challenging to find anyone outside of the Westboro Baptist Church who cares.

Number 12: The motherf*cking Patriot Guard Riders

Everyone knows from the movies -- or real life if you are unlucky or stupid -- that screwing with a bunch of bikers is a bad idea. The Patriot Guard Riders (PGR) is an organization of motorcycle riders that attends funerals of police, firefighters and members of the armed forces, with permission; greets troops returning home; does volunteer work and helps protect grieving family members and friends at funerals that the WBC targets for protests. The PGR folks volunteer to put themselves, their bikes and their big, waving American flags between the funeral-goers and the WBC, shielding the funeral guests and drowning out the hateful bleating of the Westboros with patriotic songs -- and revving engines.

The PGR deserves some sort of award for "Most Amazing and Frequent Ownage of Westboro Baptist Church," preferably in trophy form: a statuette with a motorcycle running over a likeness of WBC's PR person, Shirley Phelps-Roper, Fred's disgusting daughter.

Continue to keep counting down the top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps.

Foo Fighters, getting fooey at WBC.
Foo Fighters, getting fooey at WBC.

Number 11: The Fighters showed them Foos

The Foo Fighters gave the Westboro Baptist nutters a helluva pre-show in 2011 in Kansas City, when the WBC decided it would be a fun time to protest a Foo concert. The band showed up at the pre-concert protest, in the back of a rig truck, dressed in homoerotic hillbilly garb and staged an impromptu performance of their pseudo-country song "Keep It Clean (Hot Buns)." Lyrics including "Driving all night, got a hankering for something/Think I'm in the mood for some hot-man muffins/Mmmm, sounds so fine, yes indeed" drowned out whatever hate-filled crap the Westboros were spewing, and Dave Grohl gave a speech during the song's interlude about gay being okay, ending with "God bless America!"

The WBC is now taking issue with Taylor Swift, since her music is so filthy, tawdry and filled with curse words, sex and violence. Not.

Moore, with Phelps--and the Sodomobile.
Moore, with Phelps--and the Sodomobile.

Number 10: The Sodomobile

Michael Moore versus the Westboro Baptist Church is such a sumptuous brain-feast of an idea that it should have been a pay-per-view match, and in 1999 Moore organized a homophobia protest for his old show The Awful Truth, inspired by the tragic murder of Matthew Shepard in 1998. He toured the country -- specifically states with antiquated anti-sodomy laws still on the books -- n a pink bus filled with raucous gay men and women named "The Sodomobile," and made a pit stop at the Westboro Baptist Church's compound. Moore introduced Fred Phelps to the Sodomobile, which sent Phelps scuttling back to the safety of his family funny farm -- quickly.

But for a guy who wears a cowboy hat and spends more time thinking about f*ggy stuff than most f*gs, it's possible that if there hadn't been cameras present, he might have hopped in the van and taken a ride.

It's a grave matter.
It's a grave matter.

Number 9: The Satanic Temple turns Fred Phelps's dead mother gay

You know those stories you read in your Facebook feed, figuring that they are from The Onion, then they turn out to be real -- and you are thrilled that they are? The friendly and magnanimous folks in the New York-based Satanic Temple took a road trip on Sunday, July 14 to a Mississippi cemetery, found Fred Phelps's mother's gravesite and held a "Pink Mass" ceremony to celebrate same-sex unions, and posthumously anointed Granny Phelps a homosexual.

Satanic Temple spokesperson Lucien Greaves officiated at the ceremony, while two same-sex couples celebrated their homosexuality at the gravesite -- some snogging was involved -- and Greaves stated, "The Satanic Temple now believes that Fred Phelps must believe that his mother is now gay, in the afterlife, due to our Pink Mass... And nobody can challenge our right to our beliefs."

Photos of the Pink Mass are publicly available on the new Satanic Temple-operated website, westboro-baptists.com, and the Satanic Temple encourages other same-sex couples to post their own photos from similar road trips to the Mississippi cemetery.

Your move, WBC.

Yes -- this actually happened.
Yes -- this actually happened.

Continue to keep counting down the top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps.

Number 8: "Vile prejudice and hatred to accompany same-sex marriage debate at CU," January 25, 2010

WBC TO PICKET THE FAG MARRIAGE DEBATE AT THE CATHOLIC "PRIESTS RAPE BOYS' CAMPUS MINISTRY OR COLORADO UNIV., MONDAY, JAN. 25, FROM 6:00 TO 7:00 PM

The question on the table: "Should the government recognize same-sex marriage?" Better question: "Do you fools really think this is a question up for debate?" Best question: "Has it even occurred to you that having this debate (& its inevitable endorsement of abominable same-sex marriage & the societal institution of same) will be the final straw in bringing your Noah's-Flood-like destruction?"

What happened? See our post "Same sex-marriage debate: Westboro Baptist Church protest falls flat -- because gay haters don't show up." Here's a video of the counter-protest.

Number 7: "Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket funerals of Boulder plane crash victims," February 9, 2010

WBC TO PICKET THE FUNERALS OF THOSE KILLED BY GOD IN THE BOULDER, CO PLANE COLLISION, IN RELIGIOUS PROTEST & WARNING:

"But fornication, & uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you... Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience." Eph. 5:3, 6

Every human born into this world has a duty to obey the God of all creation. But this generation forgot God, teaching rebellion against Him, such that you're a freak if you strive to be obedient. You've institutionalized perversion, so God will keep cutting you off -- & we'll be there to make sure you know that you brought it on yourselves with your filthy manner of life?

Fallout? Another WBC no-show even as a glider pilot and his passenger received national TV exposure. See our post, "Reuben Bakker, Boulder plane crash survivors on the Today Show: Tough luck, Westboro Baptist Church," and the following clip.

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Number 6: "Westboro Baptist Church targets Denver-area schools and more: Students, parents plan counter-protest," April 9, 2010

Top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps

Excerpt: "The infamous anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church -- which is currently making headlines for its claim that God was responsible for a mine explosion this week in West Virginia that killed 25 miners -- has plans to protest more than a dozen Denver area schools, churches and businesses this month."

Shocking but true: WBC protesters actually stuck to their schedule, including a protest appearance outside the offices of Intermountain Jewish News -- because members despise members of the faith at least as much, if not more, than homosexuals. The result was our post "Seven-year-old boy pretty sure God hates Jews," featuring the photo above.

Number 5: "Westboro Baptist Church haters threaten to picket funeral of Golden's Sgt. Grant Wichmann," May 5, 2010

GOD HATES AMERICA & IS KILLING OUR TROOPS IN HIS WRATH.

Military funerals have become pagan orgies of idolatrous blasphemy, where they pray to the dunghill gods of Sodom & play taps to a fallen fool.

This message to be preached in respectful, lawful proximity to the memorial of Sgt. Grant A. Wichmann Fri., May 7, at 9:15 a.m. Englewood Bible Church 3190 South Grant Street, Englewood, CO

Sgt. Wichmann gave his life for the Constitutional right of WBC to warn America. To deny us our First Amendment rights is to declare to the world that Sgt. Wichmann died in vain, and that America is a nation of sodomite hypocrites.

Fortunately for Sgt. Wichmann's family, the WBC's threat was empty.

Continue to keep counting down the top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps.

Number 4: "Westboro Baptist Church protest in Fort Collins to be met with silence," June 23, 2010

An excerpt from a Lambda Center release about a counter-protest: "While we recognize the desire for community members to confront this kind of blatant bigotry and hatred, we are asking that we not give voice to this group by providing them an audience while they are here. Rather we would encourage community members to take this opportunity to show support to those in Fort Collins targeted by their visit:" Andy Stoll, Executive Director, Lambda Community Center. Martin Luther King Jr. said that "darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

Yep, a handful of church members turned up -- but they were far outnumbered by locals with a very different message, synopsized in our post "Westboro Baptist Church protest in Fort Collins countered by somersaults, Thai food." See a sample video below.

Number 3: "Corporal Larry D. Harris to be honored by Bill Ritter, dishonored by Westboro Baptist Church," July 13, 2010.

Corporal Larry Harris and his wife, Stacia.
Corporal Larry Harris and his wife, Stacia.

GOD HATES AMERICA & IS KILLING OUR TROOPS IN HIS WRATH.

Military funerals have become pagan orgies of idolatrous blasphemy, where they pray to the dunghill gods of Sodom & play taps to a fallen fool.

This message to be preached in respectful, lawful proximity to the memorial of Cpl. Larry D. Harris, Jr.

Wed., July 14, at 9:15 a.m.

Rising Star Missionary Baptist Church

1500 S. Dayton Street, Denver, CO

Cpl. Harris gave his life for the Constitutional right of WBC to warn America. To deny us our First Amendment rights is to declare to the world that Cpl. Harris died in vain, and that America is a nation of sodomite hypocrites.

After stirring up fear, the WBC stayed away.

Number 2: "Westboro Baptist Church vows to picket funeral of Kenny McKinley, Bronco who took own life," September 24, 2010.

Doomed American rebels will do ANYTHING other than worship and serve the God who inhabits eternity. One of their many idols is their football teams, which they lavishly pour time and money into, corrupting many. Now the people of Denver stand around sobbing. You're in the house of sorrow because you would not obey -- and foolishly think that money will buy happiness. Kenny McKinley did not benefit from your money; he wallowed in depression, casting aside the interests of his family, including his young son, because he was injured and couldn't play football. How broken is your compass?! WBC has been to Denver and Colorado many times, entreating you to obey God. Your response has been consistently angry and violent. Now, God's wrath abides on you. More and worse is coming, Colorado. GodSmack!

This GodSmack! was not delivered in person.

Top thirteen insults to Colorado and America by Westboro Baptist Church's late Fred Phelps

Number 1: "Westboro Baptist Church: 1,000-plus show up for Durango protest, none from actual church," November 10, 2010.

WBC TO PICKET SCREENING OF "THE ANATOMY OF HATE," AT FORT LEWIS COLLEGE (1000 RIM DRIVE, DURANGO, CO), TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, FROM 4:45-5:30 PM

"Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, & not suffer sin upon him." Lev. 19:17

God Almighty told you what "hate" is: it's your refusal to rebuke proud sin! Keep pretending that preaching the righteous judgments of God against proud rebels is equivalent to violent crimes based on personal ill-will. That hollow lie is obvious on its face, however, and won't change God's verdict on the matter:

"Woe unto them that call evil good, & good evil." Isa. 5:20

YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.

But the WBC didn't go to Durango. Had members done so, they would have seen hundreds upon hundreds of people who disagree with everything for which the "church" stands -- other than the importance of free speech and expression.

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.

More from our Media archive: "Westboro Baptist Church adds the flag to its list of things God hates."


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