Tree housing market on the verge of collapse: Kenny Be's Yard Arteology

Yard Arteology: The study of neighbors through lawn decoration...

Figure 85a. College View: Fallen autumn leaves reveal seriously overbuilt tree housing market.
Figure 85a. College View: Fallen autumn leaves reveal seriously overbuilt tree housing market.

The picture above suggests that before the current economic crisis, credit was so easy to obtain that children were securing no-interest tree-home loans in order to buy swimming pools and hot tubs for their tree houses.

Modifications to the hanging white pool and powder blue hot tub also hint that this tree house resident has turned to an ingenious hydroponic growing system to raise some cash.

Holes were pierced along the underside of the hanging white pool to grow hanging tomatoes, while the blue hot tub has been given over to growing some form of profitable tree. Below, a closer detail reveals the operations of this money tree...

Figure 85b. College View: Click to enlarge.
Figure 85b. College View: Click to enlarge.

That there is still green growth sprouting from the tree house pictured above demonstrates that this is actually the work of a successful hydroponic urban tree-homesteader. The pumpkin seen nestled on a branch above the wooden structure indicates that pulleys were affixed to branches for lowering the bounty of vegetables that are grown to help raise money for paying down the tree-house loan. Not every tree homeowner has been so lucky. As shown below, abandoned tree houses exist all over the city, even in the hot Highland neighborhood.  

Figure 85c. Highland: Modernist-style tree home encroaches on historic home.
Figure 85c. Highland: Modernist-style tree home encroaches on historic home.

The shoddy construction of the contemporary tree house pictured above indicates why so many Highland residents are wary of new construction. The completely windowless facade insinuates that the builder wanted to keep the tree-house residents from seeing how the tree was butchered to make way for their new Highland tree home. As seen below, even the Park Hill Tree Homeowners Association has noticed that troubles in the tree housing industry are on the rise.  

Figure 85d. North Park Hill: Climb to danger.
Figure 85d. North Park Hill: Climb to danger.

While the tree house pictured above is a classic design of sturdy construction, check out the spindly entrance ladder. Modern mothers won't even let their kids out of the house without helmets and pads; no Denver Mommy is going to allow her precious progeny anywhere near that death trap. Proportionally, this ladder to a child is the equivalent of a seven-story ladder to an adult. As seen below, tree-housing crisis has Montclair neighborhood out on a limb.  

Figure 85e. Montclair: Tree house slated for chicken coop conversion.
Figure 85e. Montclair: Tree house slated for chicken coop conversion.

The original residents of tree housing quickly outgrow their structures. Abandoned structures are often re-used for commercial purposes such as storage or practice studios for rock bands. Tree homeowners of the structure pictured above can convert this tree house to a chicken coop simply by arguing that it is a bird house.

More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "John Elway, Josh McDaniels honored at Denver Film Festival: Kenny Be's Fotoshop Friday."


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