Tyler Withrow, self-described "unhinged" stand-up comic, charged with double murder
Tyler Withrow is reportedly a budding stand-up comic and author of two e-books, including one whose title begins, What Unhinged Tyler Withrow. Now, however, that question has a decidedly unfunny application, given that Withrow has been arrested for the murders of two women in Yuma County.
Much of Withrow's online presence has been scrubbed. His personal website, TylerWithrowUnhinged, is in maintenance mode right now, and the Denver Post reports that his Twitter account is also down. Moreover, his MySpace page, listed under the name President Tyler, is only viewable my friends. At this writing, however, Barnes & Noble still features two e-books he authored.
First on the roster is Barack Obama and the Politics of Pussy: Fired Up!, whose overview describes it thusly:
In the fall of 2004, I began obsessively studying politics. A lot of people misuse the term "obsessively," so allow me to clarify. For an average of seven hours a day, I did one or more of the following: Read about politics, discussed politics, listened to political talk radio (both on the right and left), wrote about politics, or just sat and thought about shit related to politics.
Nothing but politics for an average of seven hours a day, every single day, for six years. I did this because I was writing a screenplay about the Presidency and I wanted a believable non-partisan political backdrop. That is a hell of a lot of research to do for a movie that would never get the Green Light, especially since I do not care at all about the subject matter.
But I did it, and now I'm going to fling that shit at you like an angry monkey.
Even more resonant in light of current events is this "Meet the Author" bio:
I am currently studying necromancy and hope to raise the dead to destroy the world as you know it and rebuild it in my own image.
I also enjoy using the juicer that I have broken twice. Fresh fruit is beyond the limit of my budget, but I found that when spoiled, grocery stores just throw them out. I need penicillin with my juice, but it is affordable and environmentally friendly.
I must point out that I weigh 20 pounds less now then I did in this picture. I was the fattest Green Lantern outside of Comic-Con. I'm still very aroused by the sight of myself.
In brightest day...
No photo is included, but there is a sample of the book available. Here's an excerpt:
Here's an analogy that has served me well: You are about to play a game of chess. If you play the game like me, you'll do the following before you start:
• Deep breathing exercises
• Pop a few horse tranquilizers
• Punch your pig while listening to Bryan Adams
• Think about what you know about the opponent's strategy
• Punch your pig while thinking about your opponent's strategy
• Ejaculate onto the chair of a coworker that you hate
• Weep softly at your broken dreams
Then there's What Unhinged Tyler Withrow Pt 1: The Whore of Babylon, whose overview goes like this:
When the Godfather suggested an e-book, my first response was "HELL YEAH!" Then I realized that I would have to write one.
His response to my "I can't do it! I'm not good enough! No one loves me! Why does the world hate me so?!" Was a gentle reminder that I have a wealth of material from the dark days of 2008.
So here it is. They are my MySpace Hermit Blogs, or "Hogs" as they are known in the Bible-Belt. Initially, I was just going to include the material surrounding my lost ladylove, Kelly AKA The Pretty Girl AKA WOB (Whore of Babylon).
Sue me, bitch. It would be a million dollars worth of free publicity and you would still lose, because I put together quite the case when I was planning to take you onto Judge Joe Brown.
Here's an excerpt from a "2012 addendum" in the online sample:
I was so fucked-up at the time (psychologically, not on drugs. The drugs would come later) that I didn't see through the "I kept punching him until his neck snapped" story. He sold that shit too.
I was so sickened that my best friend had actually ended a human life, and torn between loyalty to him and upholding justice, that I didn't say anything to anyone...for the next 11 years.
Then I told everyone. And I mean everyone. I gave speeches on it at Tommy Knockers (not Affiliated with "My best friend committed murder" speeches at Toastmasters International, all rights reserved). I stopped people on the street to talk about it; I called televangelists and asked for them to pray for me; etc., etc., etc.
By the way, Fox31 notes that Withrow won "second place in a 2010 local Toastmasters International contest for humorous speech." But there was nothing humorous about what happened Monday in the Yuma County town of Kirk.
According to the Post, a 911 hang-up call led deputies to a Kirk home in which the bodies of two deceased women were found. Withrow was arrested shortly thereafter. No other details are available at this time; the case is under a gag order.
However, the Post has learned that Withrow had a run-in with Aurora Police in late July. Officers responded to a residence on the 2500 block of South Victor Street, near where Withrow lives, and discovered him naked in a garage, "smashing car windows with a golf club," the paper points out. Cops got him under control by tasing him.
Afterward, Withrow was briefly hospitalized both for minor injuries and his disturbed mental state before being released.
No such opportunity exists for Withrow this time around. He remains in custody in Yuma County, with his first court appearance scheduled for September 4 -- at which time authorities will begin the process of determining what exactly "unhinged" means in his case.
Look below to see a larger version of Withrow's mug shot and a Fox31's report on the case.
More from our Mile High Murder archive: "Robert Trujillo busted in Knox Court murder of Natasha Carrillo (29)."