At last -- a defense against readers who aren't wowed by Westword's marijuana jokes: An article filled with them is cited in a petition for Writ of Certiorari with the Colorado Supreme Court filed yesterday in the case of medical marijuana caregiver Stacy Clendenin.
Back in 2006, authorities raided Clendenin's Longmont home, finding 44 marijuana plants. Clendenin said she was cultivating them for patients, but a Boulder County District Court judge ruled that because she hadn't met with all of the individuals in question, she couldn't claim to have been their primary caregiver. In the end, she was found guilty of cultivating and distributing marijuana -- a conclusion she appealed. But the appeals court found that she hadn't done enough to meet the definition of primary caregiver for the patients who would have wound up purchasing her crop -- and also criticized the vagueness of Amendment 20, the state's medical-marijuana measure.
Attorney General John Suthers loves the ruling, but the medical marijuana community sees it as a threat to the industry's growth. Hence, the Supreme Court writ, penned by busy attorney Rob Corry. And amid his argument about the injustice of the caregiver definition, he cites Westword. He writes:
Instead of upholding an arbitrary requirement akin to requiring a pharmaceutical manufacturer to personally meet or "do more" for every patient for whom they produce drugs, this Court should recognize and alleviate the significant confusion and harm this ruling will inflict upon people in this growing community, and should reiterate that cultivation and provision of medical marijuana to suffering patients, itself, is "significant" under the applicable constitutional definition. As the Denver Westword newspaper eloquently said when it analyzed the Court of Appeals opinion in this case, "After all, the pot's the point."
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"The Top Ten Ways Your Medical Marijuana Caregiver Can Show He Really Cares," written by Patricia Calhoun and published on November 24, does indeed include this bit of analysis. But it also features a David Letterman-style countdown of ways a caregiver can meet that "do more" requirement. Calhoun's list:
10) Your primary caregiver supplies you with the complete set of Cheech & Chong movies for your birthday.
9) You tell your mom you're going to meet with your primary caregiver because it sounds so much better than telling her you're going to score some pot with your dealer.
8) Your primary caregiver provides a quart of your favorite Ben & Jerry's along with your marijuana.
7) Your primary caregiver has attorney Rob Corry's number on speed dial.
6) Your primary caregiver doesn't keep you waiting two hours, unlike your primary physician.
5) Your primary caregiver's office/home comes equipped with the latest copy of High Times, not a six-month old copy of Time.
4) Your primary caregiver will watch paint dry with you.
3) Your primary caregiver always has a lighter.
2) Your primary caregiver will sit through every city council and legislative committee hearing on proposed medical marijuana regulations, to save you from any additional pain.
1) Your primary caregiver provides you with pot, which is really the point.
Could the Supreme Court establish this roster to legitimize caregivers? That'd be the funniest development of them all.