While those of us at Schmuck of the Week headquarters love telling you about schmucky behavior, we also try, from time to time, to warn potential Future Schmucks about things to avoid if they'd prefer not to star in posts like this one.
This week's tip: Don't steal urns — especially if they contain the ashes of a departed loved one.
That's exactly what Jared Snyder is accused of doing.
By allegedly snatching the last earthly remains of a victim's late mother, he made himself a big target for the folks at the Colorado Springs Police Department. And he remains so even after his arrest — because the missing urn has yet to be recovered.
On May 6, according to the CSPD, someone broke into a car near the intersection of South Cascade Avenue and Cheyenne Road in the Springs. Among the stolen stuff was an urn that looked something like this one:
This photo makes the container seem larger than it actually is. The urn is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand.
In addition to the urn, some debit cards were also purloined, and a man later used them at a nearby store that happened to be outfitted with surveillance cameras — because, you know, it's the 21st Century. On May 18, the CSPD circulated several images of the suspect, including this one....
...and this one....
...and this one.
A few days later, a tipster identified the man as Snyder, who the cops described in a subsequent release as "a transient known to frequent motels along South Nevada Avenue and West Colorado Avenue."
Another week-plus passed before Snyder was busted. But while some of the stolen goods are said to have been recovered, the urn wasn't among them — and at this writing, its whereabouts remain unknown.
If you happen to stumble across this item, you're encouraged to contact the CSPD at 719-444-7000 or Pikes Peak Area Crime Stoppers at 719-634-STOP (7867).
Or you could just keep it — if you feel like being a schmuck, that is.
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Here's some recent booking photos for Synder.