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Winter-storm warning a relief to Denver snow sculptors: Kenny Be's Yard Arteology

Yard Arteology: The study of neighbors through lawn decoration...

Figure 96a. Wellshire: Little Air snowboard ramp.
Figure 96a. Wellshire: Little Air snowboard ramp.

The photo of the "little air" snowboard ramp above was taken this past weekend. That the iced 3/4 pipe has weathered an unseasonably warm January is testament to good design and careful construction. However, until off-the-shelf snow-making machines are available at Home Depot, this ramp needs the relief furnished by a winter-storm warning...

The ramp above sits in an east-facing yard. The snow-free lawn surrounding the ramp indicates that all the available accumulation from the last snowstorm was used in the construction of the ramp. The candy-cane holiday decorations that remain on display a month after Christmas suggest that residents of this home consider snowboarding to be a more important priority than housekeeping.

Figure 96b. Harvey Park: Snowman pleads for winter weather.
Figure 96b. Harvey Park: Snowman pleads for winter weather.

The picture above shows a snowman in a state of panic. His frail paint-stick arms are raised as if to suggest that he is pleading to the heavens for a week of life-saving single-digit temperatures. The stance may also indicate that he is trying to make himself look bigger, to scare the sprinkler that lurks near the base of the downspout in wait for the first sign of Spring.

Below, an example of the alternative construction materials being used to build snowmen until the flakes start to fly..

Figure 96c. Harvey Park: Re-leaf relief.
Figure 96c. Harvey Park: Re-leaf relief.

The snowpeople pictured above are suffering from the same affliction that currently plagues the Taco Bell fast-food restaurant chain. Recent reports claim that the beef filling of Taco Bell tacos contains only 88 percent beef. Similarly, the snow sculptures above only contain about 88 percent snow, with the the remainder of their filling consisting of a 12 percent mixture of leaves and sticks.

And, much like their snowpeople pals across the Harvey Park neighborhood, they pose with tree-branch arms raised, intimating an appeal to a higher power for three-to-seven inches of additional snowball filling. May today's predicted winter storm provide Denver snow sculptors with much needed relief.

More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "Brett Reese, school board member, shills for civil handgun: Kenny Be's Worst-Case Scenario."


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