1. According to an article on page one of the January 1, 2003, Denver Post, downtown Denver looked like what last New Year's Eve?
A. "Fort Lauderdale during spring break."
B. "Baghdad on a bad night."
C. "The National Western Stock Show during the mutton-bustin' event."
D. "A Franciscan monastery."
2. Which is not true of tiny Beulah, home of Representative Lola Spradley, Colorado's first female Speaker of the House?
A. The annual Beulah Log Festival involves a hunt for a log hidden in the woods; the person who finds it must shout "Halueb!"
B. The town was originally called Mace's Hole, after a notorious horse thief.
C. Residents of the town wanted to bury a plastic time capsule near the site where the infamous Muldoon Man was found, to be opened in January 2101.
D. The town is named after Spradley's great-great grandmother, Beulah Bunde, who was known throughout the valley for her blackberry jam.
3. Former House Speaker and current state insurance commissioner Doug Dean once called another state entity this:
A. "A terrorist cell."
B. "A rogue agency."
C. "A threat to domestic order."
D. "A home for the halt, a way station for the lame."
4. When asked this past spring how much beer could be made from the water in Denver's reservoirs, then-relative unknown John Hickenlooper replied:
A. "Enough to fuel my presidential ambitions."
B. "It depends. Remember, beer is nearly a perfect recyclable resource."
C. "Approximately 5.2 million barrels, give or take a six-pack."
D. "What kind of idiot question is that?"
5. What startling fact emerged during the first trial of former Georgetown mayor Koleen Brooks?
A. When she was a child, her favorite show was Perry Mason.
B. A Broncos logo is tattooed on her left biceps.
C. She has had four breast implants.
D. She studied classical ballet and once danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
6. At a city-sponsored briefing for mayoral hopefuls last January, then-mayor Wellington Webb advised:
A. "Each of you is going to have to address the issue: There will not be enough revenue to cover personnel costs."
B. "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. And mine are plenty big enough."
C. "Want me to let you in on a secret? Open more farmers' markets!"
D. "To quote Missy Elliott: ŒThe way to succeed? Work it!'"
7. As the May election neared, the soon-to-be-term-limited Webb got his own dig into longtime Webb watchdog Don Mares by:
A. Wearing a button that read "Audit the Auditor."
B. Cutting in line to get a second helping of cake at the Blair-Caldwell African American Research Library festivities before Mares got his first piece.
C. Urging those at the library's grand opening ceremony to vote for Hickenlooper, Zavaras or Tate.
D. Quipping, "The old gray Mares ain't what he used to be."
8. The title of the first "theatrical" film listed on the Colorado Film Commission's filmography is:
A. Alferd Packer Unpacked.
B. Lynching at Cripple Creek.
C. Festival of Mountain and Plain.
D. Uh-oh, Yuppies Ho!
9. In a sign of the slumping economy, what Colorado landmark shut down?
A. The Mount Princeton Hot Springs, because the water level was too low.
B. The Hiwan Homestead in Evergreen, due to the high cost of fuel.
C. Denver's Aqua Golf, after an infestation of mites overtook the ducks.
D. Joe Cocker's Mad Dog Ranch Fountain Cafe in Crawford, now bereft of bikers.
10. Governor Bill Owens dismissed the appearance of a liberal celebrity at a governors' gathering with this snub:
A. "Unless he has a wad of cash, I'm not listening."
B. "When I want someone's opinions on this fiscal mess, I'll beat it out of him."
C. "Talk about ludicrous: You take 35 governors and have them listen to Meathead."
D. "I'd get more clarity from Ozzy Osbourne."
11. Hippie child and Boulder High grad Zora Andrich could claim all but one of the following before she claimed (briefly) Joe Millionaire's heart.
A. Psychic gifts.
B. The homecoming queen's tiara.
C. A stint on the Colorado Coyotes, the women's semi-pro softball team.
D. A substitute teacher's certificate.
12. Senator Wayne Allard was spoofed in the Onion. But according to then-Allard spokesman Dick Wadhams, which telltale clue proved that one photo was faked?
A. The senator was reading (Bukowski, no less) while wearing glasses.
B. Allard was reaching for Doritos.
C. The vet-turned-pol was wearing a charcoal-gray suit.
D. Allard appeared to be friendly with Senator Tim Hutchinson.
13. This past season, a new fixture graced the Rockies locker room. It was:
A. A photo of Albert Einstein holding a baseball, on which the brainiac wrote the words "Everything's relative."
B. The world's first hyperbaric baseball pressure chamber, to keep balls altitude-friendly.
C. Letters from former fans telling the players how stinky they were in 2002.
D. A time clock similar to those used by hourly workers to punch in and out of their jobs.
14. The late Joseph Coors took this stance when he was a member of the University of Colorado Board of Regents in the '60s:
A. No football helmets at practice.
B. No beer sales after the eighth inning of Denver Bears home games.
C. No '60s in Colorado.
D. No coed showers.
15. In honor of the Rockies' Chin-hui Tsao becoming the first Taiwanese pitcher to appear in the bigs, what happened?
A. The game was broadcast live in Taiwan.
B. Vendors were allowed to sell egg rolls.
C. The announcer read the lineup in Chinese.
D. The team manager allowed Tsao to bring in a feng shui expert to help arrange his locker.
16. Conifer native Trey Parker and Matt Stone collaborated with this entertainment icon on the hundredth episode of South Park last spring:
A. Barbra Streisand, for her insights into love.
B. Jerry Seinfeld, in a bit about atomic laundry hampers.
C. Norman Lear, channeling the spirit of Archie Bunker.
D. The Dixie Chicks, spouting some red-hot Bush-bashing.
17. Which is not a piece of South Park merchandise offered on the Comedy Central Web site?
A. Big Gay Al action figure.
B. Talking Butters as Professor Chaos.
C. Jesus and Satan plush pair.
D. Ass-Face Kenny.
18. Wheat Ridge native Todd Dunivant made an impact last spring by:
A. Filming a Comedy Central show near Brush titled Survivor: Iraq.
B. Pledging to buy and drink a gallon of John Hickenlooper's Railyard Ale each day until the mayoral election.
C. Scoring the winning goal against the home-team Rapids in his debut with the San Jose Quick.
D. Donating two Avs tickets to the family of Khareem Istur, a Kurdish medic wounded in Iraq.
(Now, take a break with this refreshing six-pack Denver mayoral history mini-quiz)
19. What first name has placed first in the most Denver mayoral elections?
20. From the time Denver was incorporated until 1904, mayors served:
A. Until they were driven from office by hooting, drunken crowds of miners.
B. Two years.
C. A decade, or until they turned sixty.
D. Alternating terms, depending on who controlled the state legislature and paid the biggest bribes.
21. When a young, once-ponytailed reformer made a run for office, detractors called the candidate and his supporters:
A. Feddy and the Dreamers.
B. The Little Engine Who Could.
C. The Hippie Hopeful and his Tribe.
D. A joke.
22. Denver's mayors have made lasting and significant...aw, forget it. How is this city's form of government officially described?
A. One for all and all for one.
B. Strong non-partisan mayor.
C. Giant and Lilliputians.
D. Executive elector.
23. What organization came to power in Colorado in the 1920s with the elections of Clarence Morely as governor and Ben Stapleton as mayor of Denver?
A. The Union Pacific Railroad Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers.
B. Veterans of Foreign Wars, Post 1.
C. The Ku Klux Klan.
D. The Prohibition Party.
24. How quickly we forget: What does Wellington E. Webb's middle initial stand for?
B. Nothing. It's just a letter.
25. Which sign was not on display during the Rolling Stones' stop at the Pepsi Center this year?
A. "Lick me, Mick."
B. "Watts up?"
C. "Best fuckin' band in the 20th and 21st centuries."
D. "Ronnie B. Good."
26. When Democrats carped that Governor Owens was MIA this legislative session, Senate Majority Leader Norma Anderson responded:
A. "The governor? That's a laugh. He's omniscient."
B. "Who cares what Democrats think? We squash them like bugs."
C. "Sure, he went to that baseball camp. Baseball is a lot like government: rhubarbs and hardball."
D. "He's very engaged. He called me into his office one day when he didn't like what I was doing."
27. The beloved Racines was bulldozed this year (to make way for condos!), but a decade ago, then-governor Roy Romer fed this notorious habit at the eatery:
A. He ate oatmeal breakfasts there every day.
B. He mixed ketchup with jalapeños to make "ketchupeño" sauce.
C. He ordered doubles of everything, with one to go.
D. He complained that the wavy mirror made him nervous.
28. At the new African American Research Library, her former First Ladyship, Wilma Webb, has been immortalized with:
A. A cookbook of her favorite recipes, including "Wilma's Meatloaf Surprise," a surefire mayor pleaser.
B. A display of her favorite trinkets from a China junket.
C. School yearbooks, in which the future Mrs. Webb was hailed as "Most Likely to Become President."
D. Gowns worn by the First Lady to official Denver events.
29. Miller moths hit Denver hard this year, leaving behind blobs of reddish-brown fluid. It's called:
A. Moth shit.
30. Among the people taking note of the billion-moth march this year was:
A. Wayne Allard, who denounced the pests on Channel 7.
B. The lead singer for Matchbox Twenty, who commented on them profanely from the Pepsi Center stage.
C. A restaurateur in Idaho Springs, who offered $50 to anyone who would eat a tossed salad chock-full of them.
D. Shannon Sharpe, who had one tattooed on a very special part of his anatomy.
31. Trying to head off an epidemic, state labs tested birds for West Nile virus. What species was exempt?
32. When the dreaded monkeypox struck this country, there was reason for concern in Colorado because:
A. This state exports more prairie dogs as pets than any other state.
B. The Centennial State might as well be called Prairie Dog Heaven, because 70 million of the critters exist here.
C. Scientists at Colorado State University had been secretly experimenting with hybrid varmints for two decades.
D. A smuggling ring recently uncovered at DIA was shipping prairie dogs across the country as "domesticated rabbits."
33. Which musician has made an explosive tradition of performing at Red Rocks on the Fourth of July?
A. Iggy Pop.
B. Marc "Bang a Gong" Bolan.
C. John Popper.
D. Black Cat Flame-O.
34. Which of these pesky telemarketers was not among the top-ten violators of Colorado's no-call law?
A. Consumer-loan hustlers.
B. Cell-phone hucksters.
C. Home-improvement sales hounds.
D. Sucker charities.
35. Messy sexual-assault accusations aside, Kobe Bryant can't be faulted for his taste in accommodations. The Segovia Suite at the Lodge & Spa at Cordillera, which can cost $725 per night, features which of the following?
A. A butler and a French maid.
B. Unlimited use of a handwoven Tibetan yoga mat.
D. A custom-toned wind chime designed to enhance the serenity of a guest's stay.
36. The Rockies' Shawn Chacon, next year's closer, had a rocky off-season because:
A. He inadvertently beaned a passerby from Pomona while chucking apples at a tree in his yard.
B. He was charged with a misdemeanor after hitting someone in the head with a beer bottle during a Fort Collins bar fight.
C. A surreptitious tape recording of a dugout tirade revealed that he compared manager Clint Hurdle to "a tub of lard with the brain of a squirrel."
D. The owner of a Greeley tattoo parlor sued him for non-payment after the inkster misspelled the hurler's name as "Sean" on a tattooed heart.
37. Down in Mesa Verde, where wildfires burned this summer, each twenty-member fire crew was equipped with what?
A. Anti-fire fetishes created by local Utes.
B. An archaeologist.
C. Kevlar-coated mittens.
D. All the Gatorade they could consume.
38. When commenting on the team's new training-camp digs in Dove Valley, Broncos fullback Mike Anderson said what?
A. "I'll be closer to Krispy Kreme doughnuts, that's for sure."
B. "I hope we don't mess up and drive to Greeley one morning by mistake."
C. "Sleep is going to be a whole lot better."
D. "I'd finally gotten used to the smell of Greeley. I guess I kind of miss its pungent odors."
39. This year's holiday lighting in downtown Denver boasts how many twinkly bulbs?
A. Too many to count.
B. None, since organizers are using a new "light rope" technique developed at the University of Colorado as a bulb alternative.
C. Half a million, give or take a burnout.
D. It started out with 100,000, then added 100,000 every day for twenty days -- or until Xcel cut off the power.
40. What is Mayor John Hickenlooper's direct e-mail address at ci.denver.co.us?
41. On November 4, Denver polling places were open what hours?
A . Between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.
B. Between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.
C. From sunrise to sunset, Mountain Standard Time.
42. Kroenke Sports Enterprises is gobbling up venues around town and proposing new ones. What's Stan's big plan?
A. A privately funded NASCAR track.
B. Kroenke Kastle, complete with competitive jousting.
C. A soccer stadium designed for the now Kroenke-owned Rapids.
D. L'Stanala, an opera house based on Milan's L'Scala, in which "competitive" singing will ring.
43. What significance does the year 2040 have for the National Western Complex?
A. That's the year that all city-owned structures at the complex will become property of the National Western Stock Show.
B. City officials predict that's the year that bonds for the complex's $30 million upgrade will be retired.
C. That year marks the sesquicentennial of the National Western Stock Show.
D. It's the first available January slot at the complex's Hall of Education.
44. The cover of the third annual "Vail Undressed Legends and Celebrities" calendar features:
A. Adventure skier Chris Anthony.
B. Elite snowboarder Megan Pischke.
C. Former Vail owner George Gillett.
D. The Bachelorette's Trista Rehn and her then-fiancé, Vail firefighter Ryan Sutter.
45. Nuggets savior Carmelo Anthony made his pre-season debut on October 9. What other Nug did, too?
A. Jeff Trepagnier.
B. Yuta Tabuse.
C. Mark Pope.
D. Eric Washington.
46. The nearly century-old Auditorium Theatre is closed while it undergoes renovations made possible by a November 2002 vote. What was not originally part of the building at 14th and Curtis streets?
A. A 12,000-seat venue.
B. Velvet panels.
C. Italian Renaissance-style molding.
D. Elevators to the balcony.
47. According to Denver Neighborhood Inspection Services manager Tom Kennedy, any parking lot near Invesco Field not displaying an official special-event parking sign is:
A. "A real deal."
B. "Very likely a scam."
D. "Okay, because those [Broncos] neighbors can use the extra income."
48. Wild turkeys, unlike their domesticated kin, are wily and hard to bag. What else is true about these feast-shunning fowl?
A. They can motor along the ground at 20 mph.
B. Their cries mimic those of both gray screech owls and Robinson's corvids.
C. Their average wingspan is wider than that of Nuggets guard Earl Boykins.
D. Most hens weigh more than a large bowling ball.
49. The comedic Puppetry of the Penis gained exposure here this fall. What was special about the Denver production?
A. Two male performers re-created the DNA double helix on stage using only their...never mind.
B. The first "Yank" player took the stage.
C. To get around liquor-license regulations, patrons carried small "urine" samples of liquor.
D. The cast of The Vagina Monologues protested outside.
50. Sooper bonus: Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya joined the Avs because:
A. Along with Peter Forsberg, they are part of the Scandinavian mafia.
B. The finicky Finns wanted to play on the same team. Who's asking, ja?
C. Pucks travel faster at altitude.
D. As boys, they both read about Denver in a Finnish travel brochure.
1. B. Baghdad, because of the "machine-gun-like" fireworks.
2. D. No Beulah Bunde in the Spradley family tree that we can see.
3. B. Dean labeled the Office of Consumer Counsel "a rogue agency" and tried to slash its budget after the group red-flagged a potential legislative loophole that would benefit Qwest.
4. B. Hick knows about how suds are recycled.
5. C. Brooks has implants. Hard, very hard, to believe.
6. A. The mayor failed to point out that his administration's accumulated comp time was already covered.
7. C. Clout has its privileges.
8. C. Festival of Mountain and Plain unspooled in 1897. The film commission came unglued this past year.
9. D. Joe no longer got by with the help of his friends.
10. C. Owens was steamed that he'd have to listen to actor/activist Rob Reiner, whose character on the '70s sitcom All in the Family was nicknamed "Meathead."
11. C. She was no Coyote.
12. B. He was reaching for Doritos, when insiders know that Allard's a Fritos man.
13. D. A time clock, like Joe Lunchbox uses. It didn't help. Next year: A time machine back to 1995.
14. C. The conservative Coors said he wanted to "prevent the '60s from coming to Colorado." He should have visited Nederland, where that decade is still alive and well.
15. A. The game was broadcast to eager fans in Taiwan.
16. C. The eighty-year-old Lear, famous for All in the Family, joined the off-color show.
17. A. Go figure: for some reason, there's no Al in action.
18. C. He scored, helping his new team beat his hometown squad.
19. C. Four Williams and a Will have filled the mayoral bill.
20. B. Two years.
21. A. Feddy and the Dreamers was the label affixed to future mayor Federico Peña and company.
22. B. "Strong nonpartisan mayor" is the official, if vague, description.
23. C. Klansmen ruled in one of the sorriest chapters in state history.
24. D. Our first African-American mayor (take that, Ben Stapleton) went to the Ed of the class.
25. B. Sorry, Charlie.
26. D. Take that, Dems.
27. A. The guv loved his oatmeal, and used a series of oatmeal breakfasts to sell the metro area on building DIA.
28. D. Wilmawear for the ages! Priceless.
29. C. The stored waste is known as meconia -- although several informal names will do as well.
30. B. The lead singer wanted to know what the #@%$!x the bugs were doing.
31. C. Hummers were not part of the sample (neither were sparrows, pigeons, finches or songbirds).
32. B. Colorado should be nervous, because the prairie-dog population here has grown to an estimated 70 million, give or take a couple mil. (Those critters can be hard to pin down.)
33. C. John Popper and Blues Traveler like to explode at Red Rocks on July 4.
34. D. So-called "charity solicitations" were not among the top ten ear-benders.
35. C. The Segovia is so elegant that it sports -- gasp! -- multiple fireplaces. Hot times in Eagle.
36. B. The Greeley native was in a tussle.
37. B. A squad of Indy Joneses was sent to Mesa Verde to help preserve the ruins.
38. C. Anderson loved the sleep; whether the banned substances were better in Dove Valley, he never opined.
39. C. Some 500,000 lights are blazing on Larimer Street, at Union Station and along the 16th Street Mall.
40. C. MileHighMayor, another sign of the creativity for which the Hickenlooper regime is known.
41. D. None! The election was conducted by mail.
42. C. Stan and the Kroenke-ites hope to have something built by 2006. No site has been selected, but Coors Field may be vacant by then.
43. A. Under current agreements, title to various city structures will pass to the National Western organization that year.
44. D. Coosome twosome, now hitched on TV!
45. B. Yuta, from Japan, also stepped onto the hardcourt for the first time -- though he was soon cut.
46. D. Elevators were a later addition (and will be upgraded in the $75 million makeover of the rechristened Newton Auditorium, slated to open in 2005).
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47. B. Scammy, leaving customers subject to possible ticketing.
48. A. Wild turkeys can bolt at speeds of up to 20 mph. Their wings don't stretch past five feet, so Boykins is bigger. Barely.
49. B. The first Yank, an American from Seattle, flaunted his wares during the run.
50. B. Playing together was their goal. Now if they'd only stay healthy.