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Denver Health

The enormous head stares at traffic headed east on Colfax with a cold, smarmy sneer. There's something about this man that you just don't trust. Maybe it's his surly glare, or maybe it's just the giant lettering next to him that asks, "Who Invited Syphilis to the Party?" Jesus, that's a little direct, isn't it? But we've all seen it a million times. The night is in full swing, second keg just got tapped, and then in walks Syphilis, covered in lesions, with swollen lymph nodes and patchy bald spots on his head. Nobody will fess up to inviting him, but he's there just the same, and he's ready to party. This billboard is positioned so creepily -- above the Guardian Angels' headquarters and kitty-corner from one of the most high-traffic prostitution spots in the city -- that many passersby just might heed the advice to "Get Tested" and call the prominently displayed number. Now, that's what we call a party favor.

Best Graffiti Magnet

Gates Rubber

Wavering between old, abandoned factory and gentrifiable condominium complex, the Gates Rubber building doesn't appear to be a hotbed of, well, anything. At best, it's a little bit of Queens right off I-25. But for experienced spray-painters (and criminal trespassers), the place is an amusement park, art gallery and Mt. Everest all rolled into one. Because after they get past the private-property signs, chain-link fences and high red-brick walls hung with stopped clocks, this is graffiti heaven. Huge block letters dominate the upper facades; the high windows are painted backward on the inside so that their messages are legible from the street. Mountaineers, ahoy: The crowning water tower is looking awfully drab.

Best Graffiti Magnet

Gates Rubber

Wavering between old, abandoned factory and gentrifiable condominium complex, the Gates Rubber building doesn't appear to be a hotbed of, well, anything. At best, it's a little bit of Queens right off I-25. But for experienced spray-painters (and criminal trespassers), the place is an amusement park, art gallery and Mt. Everest all rolled into one. Because after they get past the private-property signs, chain-link fences and high red-brick walls hung with stopped clocks, this is graffiti heaven. Huge block letters dominate the upper facades; the high windows are painted backward on the inside so that their messages are legible from the street. Mountaineers, ahoy: The crowning water tower is looking awfully drab.

Best New Neighborhood Project to Come Out

Gaypleton

Have you recently moved into one of Denver's fresh new neighborhoods and found yourself trading Tupperware with a fabulously gowned and mustachioed matriarch by the name of Nuclia Waste? Then welcome to Gaypleton. The once-abandoned landing strip of the former Stapleton Airport is now taking off as a hot 'hood that's snagged the queer eye. But homophobic house hunters need not fear. Even the happy folks at www.gaypleton.com don't take themselves too seriously, as they make clear in their disclaimer: "It's just a bunch of homos who live in Stapleton and like to have parties." Ahh, home, sweet homo.

Best New Neighborhood Project to Come Out

Gaypleton

Have you recently moved into one of Denver's fresh new neighborhoods and found yourself trading Tupperware with a fabulously gowned and mustachioed matriarch by the name of Nuclia Waste? Then welcome to Gaypleton. The once-abandoned landing strip of the former Stapleton Airport is now taking off as a hot 'hood that's snagged the queer eye. But homophobic house hunters need not fear. Even the happy folks at www.gaypleton.com don't take themselves too seriously, as they make clear in their disclaimer: "It's just a bunch of homos who live in Stapleton and like to have parties." Ahh, home, sweet homo.

Best People-Watching

Clayton Lane

We're not in Kansas anymore! And that's about all we know when we land at this intersection of Second Avenue and Clayton, which used to lead directly into the Sears automotive-service area. But now this one-block stretch is all va-va-vroom, with a prettified name -- Clayton Lane -- giving a certain je ne sais fucking quoi to a slicked-up street life that bears no resemblance to the kinds of life you find anywhere else in town. Get an eyeful as all the beautiful people -- are we on Planet Pretty? -- flit in and out of the new shops, the new restaurants, the new hotel. Cherry Creek's on a stroll, and we're watching.

Best People-Watching

Clayton Lane

We're not in Kansas anymore! And that's about all we know when we land at this intersection of Second Avenue and Clayton, which used to lead directly into the Sears automotive-service area. But now this one-block stretch is all va-va-vroom, with a prettified name -- Clayton Lane -- giving a certain je ne sais fucking quoi to a slicked-up street life that bears no resemblance to the kinds of life you find anywhere else in town. Get an eyeful as all the beautiful people -- are we on Planet Pretty? -- flit in and out of the new shops, the new restaurants, the new hotel. Cherry Creek's on a stroll, and we're watching.

Best View of Downtown

Speer Blvd. at I-25

Two massive stone monuments etched with downtown maps stand on either side of Speer Boulevard as it leaves northwest Denver and heads down into the city. But you don't need to study those to know what lies ahead, because you can see everything in the stunning 180-degree view, from Invesco Field at Mile High to the right all the way to Coors Field at the left. With stops for the Platte Valley, Elitch's and Ocean Journey, the Millennium Bridge, the "Travel by Train" sign at Union Station, the converted warehouses, the high-rises behind the converted warehouses, even the top of the Denver City and County Building and the dome of the State Capitol building, the history of the Queen City of the Plains -- both good and bad -- spreads before you. Read it and reap.

Best View of Downtown

Speer Blvd. at I-25

Two massive stone monuments etched with downtown maps stand on either side of Speer Boulevard as it leaves northwest Denver and heads down into the city. But you don't need to study those to know what lies ahead, because you can see everything in the stunning 180-degree view, from Invesco Field at Mile High to the right all the way to Coors Field at the left. With stops for the Platte Valley, Elitch's and Ocean Journey, the Millennium Bridge, the "Travel by Train" sign at Union Station, the converted warehouses, the high-rises behind the converted warehouses, even the top of the Denver City and County Building and the dome of the State Capitol building, the history of the Queen City of the Plains -- both good and bad -- spreads before you. Read it and reap.

Best View of the Mountains

The Rockpile

Ignore that hairy back directly in front of you. Sitting in the Rockpile at Coors Field at dusk, watching the dimming light turn the glass of downtown's skyscrapers into silver and the old brick warehouses to a dusky gold, gazing beyond the Platte Valley to the mountains that gave our baseball team its name, you see why it's a privilege to live in Colorado. And it would be even better if the Rockies won a game.

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