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Best New State Rock

The Fray

Give Girl Scout Troop 357 of Lakewood a special merit badge for convincing the legislature to make Yule marble the official state rock in 2004. Coincidentally, that's about the time some real rock -- as fashioned by the Fray -- was coming into its own. C'mon, Colorado: There's more to this state's music than John Denver.

Best Source on State Symbols

Colorado State Archives

One-stop shopping for all you need to know -- and more -- on state symbols and emblems, including the state tartan, gemstone and insect.

Best New Name for Commerce City

Commerce City

"If you have an ugly girlfriend and she changes her name, she is still ugly," Commerce City mayor Sean Ford says, by way of explaining his opposition to renaming his town. Not that Commerce City is a town without pretty, he hastens to point out; the ugly truth is that all those johnny-come-latelies to the burg northeast of Denver want to gussy it up with a superficial name that gives no hint of the town's deep, personality-filled roots. While Ford's own name won't be on the April 3 ballot -- his eight years on council are enough -- he definitely plans to hit the polls to vote down the renaming proposal. Save Commerce City!

Best Threat to the Tranquility of Highlands Ranch

The Question Alliance

There's a growing threat to the manicured Pleasantville atmosphere of Highlands Ranch: the Question Alliance. Spearheaded by locals James and Diane Schrack, the Question Alliance is essentially the community-outreach wing of the increasingly loud and proud Highlands Ranch Democrats. These inquisitive activists requisition the corner of University Avenue and Highlands Ranch Parkway roughly one Saturday morning a month and wave carefully coordinated signs, which bear a new question each session: "Should more of our soldiers die in Iraq?" "Has our government forgotten Katrina victims?" "Is the U.S. doing enough to stop the genocide in Darfur, Sudan?" These are not the usual thoughts that occupy Highland Ranchers as they go about their weekend errands, but the Question Alliance isn't going away -- at least not until they get some answers.

Best Real World: Denver Cast Member

Alex

We thought long and hard about this. Far longer than any member of The Real World: Denver has ever thought about, well, anything. And although a prize should probably go to the Real World producers for finding an entire cast capable of out-vapiding LoDo, Alex is the up-front winner. For a while there, Tyrie was running away with the prize -- but then he up and almost smacked a ho. Alex, on the other hand, doesn't smack girls, he just sleeps with them. Often. We can't remember the last time we saw a cast member hook up with not one, but two roommates -- repeatedly! And then pull whoever he wants out of Monarck to swap some bacteria in the hot tub. Plus, one time he said this: "My penis's brain is saying, 'You need to have sex with Colie.' My penis's heart is saying, 'No.'" Our penis's gut is saying, Our man!

Best Real World: Denver Artist

Rodney Wallace

Local artist and arts booster Rodney Wallace hasn't been exactly glued to The Real World, but the producers were stuck on his bold, graphic paintings. They put five of Wallace's pieces in the Real World: Denver house -- the former home of B-52 Billiards on Market Street -- along with pool tables, elk heads, a hot tub, a ski-lift chair and a Jeep turned into a bar. Within hours of the art's appearance, Wallace was getting calls from would-be collectors across the country. Way to show them what the real Denver looks like!

Best Museum on a Reality Show

Clear Creek History Park

Before season nine's high-profile conclusion at Red Rocks, three ruthless Amazing Race teams had to strip-search Golden's rustic Clear Creek History Park, amid the squawking heirloom chickens, for the final clue that would lead them to the amphitheater and the million-dollar prize. Though it's only a minor footnote in the pantheon of Amazing Race lore, Golden got a lot of mileage out of its fifteen minutes of fame on the CBS reality show. Sometimes nice guys do finish first.

Best Denverite on a Reality Show

Mike Nickels

Mixed martial-arts expert and tattoo artist Mike Nickels made his mark on Spike TV's The Ultimate Fighter. For several months, he lived in a house in Las Vegas with a bunch of bad-ass dudes, chatting for the reality-TV camera and jockeying for position. Nickels was finally knocked off the show in a bloody bout, but while he lost his shot at that title, he's still got plenty of fight left in him. And when he's not decorating Denverites at his tattoo shop, Twisted Sol, he's preparing for another round in the eight-sided ring.

Best Religious Ad

"Anna Nicole and Jesus"

Made you look! And that was the intention when Trinity United Methodist Church in downtown Denver placed an ad in the dailies headlined "Anna Nicole and Jesus" that offered this brief sermon: "Most feel pity for the short life of Anna Nicole Smith. She struggled and searched to find herself. Her loss of identity is a sad story with many twists and turns.... Jesus was tested in the wilderness. He was tested on his identity (...If you are the Son of God...'). He was tempted to power, material things, and the sensational. His temptations were Anna Nicole's and ours -- the temptations to prove who we are or to forge a new identity. Somehow he passed the tests. More would come...." Although Jesus somehow avoided marriage to that Texas bazillionaire, some people still doubt God's paternity test.

Best New Job for
Ted Haggard

Demented Divas! Understudy

Ted Haggard should be so lucky as to get a gig with Demented Divas!, the Las Vegas-style comedy drag show that takes over Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret every Tuesday evening. Not only could Nuclia Waste give him a few lessons in being comfortable in his own skin -- even if it is silver and three-nippled -- but she could also have him promote Nuclia Waste's Evangelical Free Dating Service, a business she set up after Mike Jones went public with his story. As Nuclia pronounced on her website, www.nucliawaste.com, "It seems our church leaders just can't keep their hand out of the cookie and amphetamine jars these days...what a scandal! Nobody should ever have to PAY for sex."

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