Woodstock '94
(A&M)
Didn't I read about this on a Pepsi twelve-pack?--Michael Roberts
Sade
The Best of Sade
(Epic)
The lukewarm smooch tracks from this babe probably couldn't even get a rise from the inmates at Denver County Jail.--John Jesitus
Collective Soul
Hints, Allegations and Things Left Unsaid
(Atlantic)
In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the second coming of the Doobie Brothers?--Brad Jones
Sting
Fields of Gold, The Best of Sting 1984-1994
(A&M Records)
Also known as A Collection of Songs That Sucked the First Time Around but Got Played to Death Anyhow.--Susan Dunlap
Cinderella
Still Climbing
(Mercury)
Wrong again.--Roberts
Celine Dion
Dion Chante Palamondom
(Sony)
If her Disney hits don't convince you that it's all over when the skinny lady sings, try her disco.--John Young
David Sanborn
The Best of David Sanborn
(Warner Bros.)
It's a bad sign when almost half of your "best of" album is terrible.--Linda Gruno
Frankfurt Rock Orchestra
Classic Toto Hits
(MMS)
Whoever named this thing has a great sense of humor.--Roberts
Love and Rockets
Hot Trip to Heaven
(American)
Insomniacs rejoice: This adventure in ambience will lull you to sleep.--Justin McLean
Frank Sinatra
Duets II
(Capitol)
Just imagine how proud Jimmy Buffett will be when he tells his grandchildren, "I was on the worst album Frank Sinatra ever made."--Roberts
The Cranberries
No Need to Argue
(Island)
Get "Zombie" stuck in your head, in your head, and you'll feel like one.--Dunlap
Kenny Rogers
Timepiece
(Atlantic)
Let's hope he sells a lot of chicken, because this is nothing to crow about.--Jesitus
Bon Jovi
Crossroad
(Mercury)
Jon's music is lousy, but you've got to admit--his hair's as nice as a Breck girl's.--Roberts
Slayer
Divine Intervention
(American)
Leave it to these guys to spoil Christmas.--Jones
Various Artists
Soundtrack: Melrose Place
(Giant Records)
An album every bit as hokey as the stuff on the jukebox at Shooters.--McLean
Barney
Barney's Favorites, Volume 2
(EMI)
Horror has a new name.--Roberts
The London Suede
Dog Man Star
(Nude/Columbia)
My worst fear is dying on my way to the Salvation Army store and having someone find this in my backpack before I can give it away.--Dunlap
Reba McEntire
Read My Mind
(MCA)
Judging by this disc, that shouldn't take long.--Roberts
Rob Rule
Rob Rule
(Mercury)
In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the third coming of the Doobie Brothers? --Jones
The Eagles
Hell Freezes Over
(Geffen)
No. No! Noooooooooooo!--Roberts