Árbol Abrazar
Dear Tree to Hug: You must not enjoy that spicy casserole too much since you compare Mexicans to maggots, ¿qué no? Nevertheless, even a blind pig finds the jalapeño once in a while. A 2002 study by the Public Policy Institute of California determined that, while first-generation Mexican and Central American women in California averaged about 2.4 children, those in the second generation only birthed about 1.4 niños. Strangely, third-generation Mexican women averaged bigger litters than the second, an anomaly the PPIC report attributed to — I'm not making this up — how mujeres identify themselves. "It is likely that women who identify as of Mexican or Central American ancestry," wrote researchers Laura E. Hill and Hans P. Johnson, "have higher fertility than women who have at least one grandparent born in Mexico or Central America but who do not identify as of Mexican or Central American ancestry." The Mexican has a more plausible theory: Third-generation Mexicanas must deal with sluttier morals and the indefatigable Mexican spermatozoon, a war as Sisyphean as our latest Operation Wetback.
Dear Mexican: If you're a Mexican, how come you know better English than we do?
No Hablar Espanol
Dear Gabacho: Assimilation. Mexicans. Believe it.