Cocaine, Laptop Smash and Douchebag Grayeson Hawkins-Fishman

Grayeson Hawkins-Fishman, 21, has been arrested twice in Colorado during the last year or so, and on neither occasion did he appear to believe it was his fault. After a bust for smashing his ex-girlfriend's laptop, he portrayed the incident as a simple oops, and he blamed "stupid" pals for his recent cuffing over a fight and his subsequent acknowledgment that he was in possession of cocaine.

As for why he's our latest Schmuck of the Week nominee, we'll take ownership of that one.

Hawkins-Fishman's Facebook page says he's from Venice, California, and a mugshot website lists an unspecified August 2015 arrest in Los Angeles County. He subsequently relocated to Aspen and made his first embarrassing appearance in a local paper almost exactly a year ago, via a March 5, 2016, Aspen Times article titled "Felony Charge for Man Accused of Laptop Smash."

Snowmass Village police reports accessed by the Times note that cops were called at 11:30 a.m. on the 4th after a teenage boy reported hearing screams coming from the Club Commons apartment complex. Officers later quizzed a female resident who said she'd broken up with Hawkins-Fishman earlier in the week. Then, that morning, he'd arrived by surprise to pick up his stuff, and before he left, he allegedly spit in her face and shattered her new laptop, valued at $1,500, by hurling it to the floor.

At that point, the report continues, a cop called Hawkins-Fishman, but he refused to come back to the apartment "because law enforcement would only believe the woman's side of the story and he would end up going to jail."

Correct — eventually. Police later took him into custody at his mom's house in nearby Silt on suspicion of felony criminal mischief. At the time, the report states, he claimed that the laptop broke after it slipped from his hand when the woman tried to grab it.

Then, on February 28, Hawkins-Fishman made a not-quite-triumphant return to print in another area publication, the Aspen Daily News, courtesy of an item labeled "'Stupid' Friends Lead to Man's Arrest."

At around 1 a.m. on February 26, according to a fresh arrest affidavit, cops were called to a bar in Aspen after being told that several young men were allegedly waiting in an alley to fight security staffers who'd just tossed them out of the joint.

Turns out Hawkins-Fishman, now listed as a Silt resident, matched the description of one possible suspect, and a cop spotted him a short time later. During the conversation that followed, the affidavit quotes him as maintaining that "he was trying to break up the fight.... His friends were ‘acting stupid,’ so they were asked to leave, and they got upset with the bouncers and Hawkins-Fishman was trying to keep any fights from happening."

So far, so good. But when the officer ran the suspect's name through the police database, he discovered that Hawkins-Fishman was wanted on an active warrant in regard to yet another offense — this time for failing to appear in court over a traffic beef.

When the officer told him that he was under arrest, Hawkins-Fishman reportedly responded by saying, "I'm not gonna lie. I've got some drugs in my pocket...some cocaine."

Indeed he did — and even though the discovery of a baggie containing a little under half a gram of blow added a cocaine possession charge to his record, at least he took responsibility for it. Maybe he's not doomed to a life of schmuckiness after all.