Because nothing in the blog world ever really dies until it's been milked of every erg of usefulness or grim humor, may I humbly present this: The letter that the Grey Poupon people actually sent to President Barack Obama (and copied to me) in response to the teacup tsunami caused by his choice in cheeseburger toppings. Bon appetit.
The Honorable Barack H. Obama
President of the United States
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20006
Dear Mr. President: We applaud you, Mr. President, for exercising your freedom of taste when recently ordering a burger with Dijon mustard. We're always happy to see people use Dijon mustard to add flair and flavor to their favorite foods. The right to choose condiments freely is quintessentially American and embodies the spirit of our democracy. So we urge you to respond to "Dijon-gate" by issuing a "pardon" to any American who has ever been criticized for putting a liberal spread of Dijon mustard on a burger or a conservative dollop on a ham & cheese sandwich. These "Pardon Me for Loving Dijon" proclamations will empower the millions of Dijon mustard-loving Americans to ask for their favorite condiment with pride. Respectfully yours, The GREY POUPON Team
The good news is that I now have the address of the White House, which will come in handy, since I have a few questions to ask the Honorable Barack H. Obama about the official presidential stance on hot dog toppings. He's a Chicagoan, so I'm sure he has some very firm notions about what does and does not go on his tubesteak.
Speaking of which, do you think the Secret Service would allow me to send him a Biker Jim's Gourmet weiner through the mail? Probably not, right? That could be considered inappropriate for any number of reasons.
But still, in case Obama ever rolls through town again and happens to get a craving, I would humbly suggest the buffalo brat with cream cheese out of Jim's caulking gun or just the plain red hot with mustard and nothin'.
Biden can have the jalapeno-cheddar elk dog with Sriracha and onions. He's a weirdo like me -- and, also like me, a man incapable of keeping his mouth shut -- so I'm sure he and I would have similar tastes in dogs as well.
