Keep reading for a look at Sugarlicious's spook-tastic collection of Halloween and fall-themed sweets. See also: -Goodbye Kitty! Lollypop Gift, the Hello Kitty store, closes -Top five Halloween candies from the Dollar Tree -Reader: You know you're from Colorado when your Halloween costume is snow-proof - Black Star Chocolates and Mondo Vino wine are a spirited holiday match
OMFG! These little ghost coconut haystacks with tiny chocolate candy eyes are so effin adorable they should not be given out to random, candy-grubbing children, but instead reserved as presents for bosses, ex-spouses, security guards and parole officers -- or any other adult you really need to suck up to. First there was Hello Kitty. Then there was Hello Kitty Jelly Bellies. Now there is Hello Kitty Halloween Jelly Bellies, in four flavors corresponding to Halloween colors: island punch purple, kiwi green, orange sherbet orange and wild blackberry black. The last one is a smart move, because if the black ones were licorice-flavored, no one would buy them. Coffin Creepers may sound like a bad goth band name, but these individually cardboard-coffin-wrapped suckers should keep sugar-hyped kiddos quiet for approximately 33 seconds. Mmmmmm.....fried crickets. Yep, they're real crickets, yep, they come in three tantalizing flavors: bacon & cheese, salt & vinegar and sour cream & onion, and yep, they include the spiky back legs. These gummies taste just like regular fruit gummies, but it's cool to eat pretend-severed human parts -- since eating the real ones is still illegal. Pop Rocks, America's favorite conspiracy-death-theory candy, has given us "pumpkin patch orange" with orange and green snapping crystals. But I'm not sure the colors or flavors really matter, since a mouthful of them with a few swigs of soda will give you vibrating molars and something to spit at passersby, who will not care what flavors or colors are on their clothes when they phone the police. Candy corn is hot this season -- found in everything from vodka shots to Oreo cookies -- and so candy corn Dots aren't much of a stretch. But they're still cute. Candy bacon lollipops! These come in three flavors: honey, maple and barbeque. If you don't buy every novelty bacon product on the market, then you aren't a good American. Ouija mints seem perfectly safe. Of course, there's a chance that you could be cursed with an ethereal, eternal, hell-inspired choking death if you happen to swallow one -- but really, what's that risk compared with having minty breath? Candy vampire teeth? Who saw this coming? Sadly, they are not official Twilight -branded candy vampire teeth -- and conspicuously lack glitter -- but they don't actually suck blood or anything else, which is more than you can say for Twilight. Uncle Urnie's sour, black cherry-flavored candy ashes: I dare you to replace Grandpa's ashes with these and pretend to eat them in front of your shocked and grieving family members. But don't call me for bail money, because I'm broke. Iced Halloween cookies: These are usually a bit hard and the icing is even harder, but these treats are fantastic for re-gifting for years and years to come. Iced Halloween cookies on sticks -- see above. Toys! Little, wind-up, hopping Halloween critter toys! There is nothing cuter -- except puppies and kittens, and you have to feed those. These Thanksgiving dinner-flavored gumballs aren't really Halloween candies, but are meant to hype that holiday between Halloween and Christmas that big-box store holiday aisles sometimes forget to take full advantage of. The gumballs are pumpkin pie-, cranberry- and turkey-flavored, and I sampled them so that you don't have to. Which turns to be a good thing for you, because the turkey one tastes like canned turkey gravy with sugar in it. Chewy little fruit ghosts! Perfect for making those cellophane candy bags for trick-or-treaters -- if you are the Martha Stewart type. You know, the same goodie bags that parents will empty out and inspect, piece by piece, because some folks still have trust issues from those razor blade rumors back in the '80s. The sour gummy bats are pretty sour, but not sour enough to make kids pucker and cry -- which is too bad, because if they were, I'd make them my official "giving out" candy for Halloween this year, just so I could take pictures of wailing children for my Facebook page. Our local Black Star Chocolates and Sugarlicious recently celebrated a beautiful summer wedding, and they are now enjoying a fall honeymoon by teaming up to provide Sugarlicious (and the candy-consuming local public) with serious gourmet -- and award-winning -- chocolates and truffles for the candy case. These have nothing to do with Halloween, but if you are forced to haul your screaming brood around all day, you deserve an adult treat box of four lavender-dark chocolate ganache chocolates, as well as a bottle of red wine. Wine sold separately, at another store. And how did I know that the Hello Kitty tins are filled with Sweet Tart bones? Because I opened one and sampled the contents, hoping that for once -- after years of buying Hello Kitty tins filled with candy -- the candy would be something new, interesting or exciting. I was again destined for disappointment, but this isn't without its silver lining: I can dump out the crappy candy and refill the box with medical marijuana.Follow @CafeWestword
