"God...this stuff isn't getting to me -- the shootings, the knifings, the beatings. Old ladies being bashed in the head for their social security checks. Nah, that doesn't bother me. But you know what does bother me? You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? It's watching you stuff your face with those hot dogs! Nobody, I mean nobody, puts ketchup on a hot dog!"
If you can't use ketchup on a hot dog, what is appropriate? Go ahead, make our day!
Follow @CafeWestword on Twitter and at facebook.com/denvercafesociety