Subject: Animal Cruelty

• Capitol Hill Billys

  January 9, 2007

• Meat John Mark Karr

  August 25, 2006

• I PETA the Fool

  August 24, 2006

• Michael Vick: Professional Dumbass

  July 18, 2007

• Ask the Critic: Vegetarian death march

  Okay, so say you've got a friend. And this friend, for whatever reason (religious aversion, misguided sense of moral outrage, PETA brainwashing), has chosen not to eat meat. Still, you, as a proud carnivore, want to go out somewhere where both of you can have a decent feed. This week's question? Where do you take said pasty, twig-and-berry vegetable eater? Personally, I have no idea. Because I'm a dick, I would say take 'em to the Columbine and make them eat nothing but the iceberg salad and w

  June 1, 2009

• Shmuckalo Bill

  July 18, 2008

• The Sorrow and the PETA

  July 23, 2008

• Shmucks of the Week: dog abusers

  October 22, 2008

• Off Limits

  June 14, 2001

• PETA in the news again: "Sea Kittens" campaign making me hungry

  There is almost nothing I can say about this that wouldn't get me picketed.  Direct from the PETA website at www.peta.org: People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads--which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you're swimming, and the big ones--well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by. Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this re

  January 21, 2009

• Best Appearance by a Cat at the Colorado Legislature

  April 4, 2002

• Off Limits

  May 2, 2002

• PETA proclaims Coors Field the third most vegetarian-friendly ballpark

  As if Clint Hurdle's recent dismissal by the Colorado Rockies wasn't enough to piss off rabid baseball fans, now comes word that PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has bestowed a decidedly unsettling honor on Coors Field -- you know, home of the foot-long Rockie hot dog -- naming it the third most vegetarian-friendly ballpark in the country. It's right behind Citizens Bank Park (Philadelphia Phillies) and AT&T Park (San Francisco Giants), which ranked first and second, res

  June 3, 2009

• Best Way to Fit as Many Meats as Possible Between Two Buns

  March 27, 2003

• Quiznos gets to the meat of the matter

  It turns out that Quiznos - the carnivorous, Denver-based chain that gave us subs like the 5 Meat Stack and Prime Rib Cheesesteak, with a double-meat option - has been engaged in behind-the-scenes talks for a year with the most notorious veggie lovers of them all: PETA. (I use the term "veggie lovers" deliberately:check out the banned Super Bowl commercial.) No, Quiznos won't be going all green, but it will be phasing in the purchase of meat and eggs obtained using "less cruel methods" as part

  February 13, 2009

• Bite Me

  September 11, 2003

• Off Limits

  June 17, 1999

• Bike Naked

  July 17, 2008

• Pluck You

  Hmm. Would you rather live in Commerce City or KentuckyFriedCruelty.com?

  March 22, 2007

• Them's Fighting Words

  Activists arm for battle with cockers.

  September 14, 2006

• Murder Most Fowl

  Cockfighting is banned in Colorado. But the feathers still fly.

  September 14, 2006

• Horse Play

  An animal-abuse trial ends in a surprising verdict.

  June 29, 2006

• Fish Story

  Raising a stink over aquarium eateries.

  December 22, 2005

• Follow That Story

  Horse Play

  December 1, 2005

• Off Limits

  Animal instincts

  June 7, 2001

• Mouthing Off

  December 5, 1996

• Mouthing Off

  November 28, 1996

• An American Idol audition that killed a dog

  A Flickr photo"No golden ticket for you." The American Idol auditions that turned Invesco Field at Mile High into an ear-damage danger zone for three days earlier this week racked up at least one casualty. Quincy Vanderbilt, a 24-year-old North Dakotan was charged with animal cruelty and given an August 20 court date for allowing his terrier to die in his car (which had all of its windows rolled up) while his girlfriend tried out for the talent show. No word about whether she made the cut, but

  July 16, 2009

• To the shock of no one, PETA barbecues a naked woman

  The National Cattlemen's Summer Convention is in town right now, and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals responded in a way that only PETA could: by spray-painting a naked employee red and black and having her lie on a grill outside the downtown Sheraton, where the conference is being held. PETA's been "barbequing" humans for a while now, but a lack of originality wasn't the only problem with today's stunt. The Sheraton is undergoing construction, and much of the Cattlemen's Conferenc

  July 16, 2009

• PETA's ten worst -- actually, make that best -- publicity stunts

  Kiernan MaletskyPETA -- the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- is a lot of things.  It is a political organization dedicated to saving all the cute critters on the planet.  It is a finely-tuned donation-gathering machine that preys on weepy liberals who'd rather empty their wallets than think too much about where their food comes from.  It is a clubhouse for every freaked-up whack-job on earth who believes in veganism as insurrection and thinks that otte

  July 17, 2009

• Vick to Broncos: It ain't happening

  Michael Vick: PETA's wet dream/worst nightmare.InDenver Times' Hunter Ashley has become the first quasi-media-type to address the non-existing rumors that dog-whacking former Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, now an officially free man, could get a look from the Broncos this off-season: Maybe because the media on the outside is still scratching their heads over the Jay Cutler trade. Maybe they think that with McDaniels at the helm, anything is possible. But dropping a runny-nosed prima donna

  July 22, 2009

• Another spot of genius from PETA

  Q: What's the highest rated television show in the history of everything? A: American Idol. Q: And who is the most high-profile judge on American Idol? A: Simon Cowell. That's right.  And if there's one organization in the world that knows how to exploit celebrity (even if it happens to be "celebrity" of the singing game show variety), it would be PETA--more specifically, it would be the marketing geniuses who slave away in PETA's evil Fortress of Solitude coming up with campaig

  July 22, 2009

• PETA protesters give Canadian-syrup boycott their seal of approval

  Be careful: Bloody syrup will stain white fur.​I'm guessing the Canadian consulate in Denver, at 1625 Broadway, isn't a frequent location for major protests -- but that changed yesterday, when PETA representatives chose it as the place to complain about Canadian seal harvests. Their approach? Dress up someone in a seal costume, bust a bottle of "bloody syrup" -- maple syrup is one of Canada's most lucrative exports -- and then have participants chant, "Buy American! Boycott Canadian Maple

  August 20, 2009

• Mysteries of Sheehan's Desk: Day 10

  Another gift from PETA​ Yesterday I wrote about my favorite gift from PETA. This one's my second favorite. And yes, it is what it looks like: one of those little wind-up Easter chicks, only with its beak cut off, its eyes poked out and splashed in blood. Not real subtle, those PETA folks. But to a black-hearted weirdo like me, they do have the greatest toys...

  August 25, 2009

• The Rifleman revisited -- with horses in the sites

  "C'mere, Trigger."​Zoning disputes: Not an inherently fascinating subject for folks not involved with them -- and often not even then. But the interest level perks up when wholesale horse assassination is thrown into the mix. According to the Weld County Sheriff's Office, Trenton Parker recently received a ninety-day sentence for contempt of court because he's refusing to clean up his property to the jurist's satisfaction. So, of course, he decided to circulate a flyer advertising for peo

  August 27, 2009