Chuck Norris

Victoria Jackson's excellent Tea Party adventure

The 50 worst sports movies of all time

Slap Shot 2: Number 28.​The sports movie is rarely versatile: an outsider, or group of outsiders (wrong race, wrong gender, wrong species), have uncanny talent in their field, but the old guard (typically, white, old men), don't like the change the new person represents. So the rebels have to ... More >>

From 3 Kings to the Rockaway, Jim Norris knows how to get people into clubs

Slap Shot 2: Number 28.​The sports movie is rarely versatile: an outsider, or group of outsiders (wrong race, wrong gender, wrong species), have uncanny talent in their field, but the old guard (typically, white, old men), don't like the change the new person represents. So the rebels have to ... More >>

Top ten bizarre candies from the Dollar Tree: squeezy fluff, cowboy candy and gummy rats

Gummy droppings not included.​I'm a writer so I'm always in a state of coinus interruptus, but imagine my surprise when I recently discovered a dollar store where things actually cost a dollar each: Dollar Tree. This economical sanctuary at 4923 East Colfax Avenue has some splendid buys for a ... More >>

In honor of American: The Bill Hicks Story: The ten best Bill Hicks jokes (NSFW)

​Regardless of the fact Bill Hicks is often cited by current comics as one of their biggest inspirations, he was relatively unknown when he was alive, and even after dying in 1994 at the young age of 32, he remained overlooked by the public at large. To shed a bit of light on his comedy genius ... More >>

Tim Tebow's top ten commandments for living a holy life

​Calling all office joes and fraternity bros -- don't have time to read Tim Tebow's new book, Through My Eyes, but still want to live your life as righteously as possible? Do what Tebow does: follow the Mile-High Messiah's Ten Commandments for Living a Holy Life, as helpfully assembled by West ... More >>

Danilo Gallinari credits late-game success to taking "a sheet" at halftime (VIDEO)

Video below.​As we pointed out in our Nuggets-Thunder playoff wrap-up, Danilo Gallinari had his moments during the game. And to what does he credit his success in a new video? Taking "a sheet," he announces in his prominent Italian accent. But no, it's not what you're thinking. The clip turns ... More >>

Ten ridiculous wikis to cure your boredom with just one click

Is there a wiki for this? Why yes, yes there is.​Wikipedia may be the world's largest online encyclopedia, but lately its increasing credibility and citation of sources have sucked out all of its fun. What if you just want something to laugh at, like a page of bullshit you're never ever going ... More >>

Rachel Maddow: MSNBC host teaches America how to pronounce "Colorado" (VIDEO)

Rachel Maddow.​Last night, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow tackled common names of people and places that tend to be mispronounced, at least according to locals -- and praise be that the segment attempts to set America straight on the proper way to say "Colorado." As one viewer writes, "we say it colo R ... More >>

Tim Tebow Jockey preview hypes Chuck Norris & Sinatra's "Send in the Clowns"? (VIDEOS)

Tim Tebow.​The release last July of Tim Tebow's first photos for Jockey underwear caused multiple small orgasms among the faithful. So imagine the body rockin' on the way now that a print and TV campaign is about to roll out. In advance, Jockey has released a couple of preview videos that are ... More >>

Paul has a fondness for sex, drugs and swear words

Tim Tebow.​The release last July of Tim Tebow's first photos for Jockey underwear caused multiple small orgasms among the faithful. So imagine the body rockin' on the way now that a print and TV campaign is about to roll out. In advance, Jockey has released a couple of preview videos that are ... More >>

Chuck Norris does not celebrate birthdays. Birthdays celebrate Chuck Norris.

Fact: Staring at this photo too long will melt your eyeballs.​Celebrating Chuck Norris's birthday is kind of like celebrating the birthday of time itself: impossible. Nevertheless, several news outlets have reported that the noted martial arts expert and godlike figure of Spartan manliness tur ... More >>

Groundhogs and prairie dogs: What happens when five other animals see their shadows

Less consequential than the groundhog, but still.​Everybody knows that, when a groundhog sees its shadow, it means there will be six more weeks of winter; lesser known is that, when a prairie dog sees its shadow, it means there will be a buy-one-get-one-free day at the Denver Zoo on Sunday -- ... More >>

Wing Chun Style

Less consequential than the groundhog, but still.​Everybody knows that, when a groundhog sees its shadow, it means there will be six more weeks of winter; lesser known is that, when a prairie dog sees its shadow, it means there will be a buy-one-get-one-free day at the Denver Zoo on Sunday -- ... More >>

How to get my job: Mixed Martial Arts Instructor

​Bashing someone's face in, locking their arms down, kicking them in the stomach -- it's all in a day's work for a mixed martial artist. Of course, every fighter has to have a teacher to learn technique from, which is where Billy Hendricks, a former MMA fighter, comes in. As an instructor at S ... More >>

Five crappiest network TV theme songs of the last 40 years

​A couple of years back, we covered some of TV's worst theme songs, but the list was just too long not to revisit. In honor of the new TV season, let's take a second look at more of the worst that TV theme songs have had to offer over the years. Because when it comes to terrible TV musical ope ... More >>

Happy days are here again at the Squeaky Bean

​A couple of years back, we covered some of TV's worst theme songs, but the list was just too long not to revisit. In honor of the new TV season, let's take a second look at more of the worst that TV theme songs have had to offer over the years. Because when it comes to terrible TV musical ope ... More >>

JonBenét Ramsey imposter pissed not to make Top Fake Celebrities on Twitter list

Not tweeting.​JonBenét Ramsey can't raise objections about the person tweeting in her name, having been murdered in 1996 -- which is presumably why fake confessor John Mark Karr's been trying to create a JonBenét lookalike cult. But the faux-JonBenét can bitch -- and he/she is doing so abo ... More >>

Chef and Tell with Max Mackissock of Squeaky Bean

Lori MidsonSqueaky Bean executive chef Max Mackissock​ "After all that nonsense at Primebar -- those guys are the biggest scumbags ever -- it was unbelievably refreshing to get a job at a restaurant that's owned by one of the nicest guys I've ever met," Max Mackissock says during our interview ... More >>

Ali Hasan could be a Colorado leading man

Lori MidsonSqueaky Bean executive chef Max Mackissock​ "After all that nonsense at Primebar -- those guys are the biggest scumbags ever -- it was unbelievably refreshing to get a job at a restaurant that's owned by one of the nicest guys I've ever met," Max Mackissock says during our interview ... More >>

Other slogans for the Colorado Meth Project

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Most overexposed celebrities on the campaign trail

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Live Review: Mr. DIbbs & Rob Diktum

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Nintendo's Wii Fit ignites yet another fitness fad.

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Delegating Denver #40 of 56: Oklahoma

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Ten Things that Are Not April Fools' Jokes

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Vengeful Voters

From ColoradoMethProject.org Noticed any disturbing anti-meth billboards on your drive home lately? The ads, brought to you by the Colorado Meth Project, began sprouting up alongside Denver roadways -- as well as on TV, radio, MySpace and in a few newspapers -- earlier this month. They're aimed a ... More >>

Fisher Clark Urban Delicatessen

Man does not live by bread alone – but you could come close here.

Bitch is the New Black

Man does not live by bread alone – but you could come close here.

My Big Fat Greek Deportation

Yes, we have no bananas.

Alternative Funding Suggestions for John McCain

Yes, we have no bananas.

Sunset State

Yes, we have no bananas.

Mike Huckabee Rocked Red Rocks

Yes, we have no bananas.

American Gladiators Is Still Kicking My Ass

Yes, we have no bananas.

STD Scare or Viral Marketing?

Does Julene have herpes? Who cares?

Hot Fuzz

You liked Shaun of the Dead? Then Hot Fuzz will bust a cap in your arse.

Seeking Geeks

Film buffs can reach for the stars at the Ultimate Film Fanatic competition.

Just the 'Fax, man

Thirty miles of developments, drunks and dreams -- the ultimate road trip.

Letters to the Editor

From the week of December 18, 2003

There's No Place Like Dome

Ted Polito Jr.'s on top of the world.

Off Limits

Ted Polito Jr.'s on top of the world.

FUTURE JOCK

Ted Polito Jr.'s on top of the world.