Michael Bay

Michael Bay's Pain & Gain is as superficial as its real-life protagonists

See also: Pain & Gain: From New Times Story to Michael Bay Film

True Romance and other overlooked '90s action films

The '90s don't get a lot of cinematic respect. Apart from a handful of acknowledged classics, film fans tend to overlook work from the rest of the decade. And that's a shame, because while the '90s might not be on the radar for a lot of cinemaphiles, there are plenty of good, ass-kicking crime and a ... More >>

American cinema was over before it started

Today's action movies are on a whole different kick

Videos: Top ten commercials you should skip on Dish -- or maybe not

In a rare interview, Dish Network's Charlie Ergen defends the satellite service's commercial-skipping device. Which made us wonder about the top ten commercials that most deserve to be skipped -- but the question's more complicated than we thought, since many spots on worst-ad lists like this one st ... More >>

Reader: Michael Bay has made a dozen blockbusters the world loves. And this blogger?

Run while you can!​Filmmaker Michael Bay's entire career has been about punishing the audience for their awful taste -- namely, their taste for his work, Tim Davids suggests. And with the recent Transformers 3, Davids adds, Bay assaults us where we feel it most -- our souls. But Sutava isn't ... More >>

Doomsday countdown, day four: Project Icarus and the asteroid that didn't destroy earth -- yet

Jerry Bruckheimer's prophesy was by far the most entertaining.​Every sensible person knows that when Earth is eventually destroyed, it will be by a huge asteroid like the one that killed all the dinosaurs. We learned this mostly from Jerry Bruckheimer, but Jerry Bruckheimer probably learned it ... More >>

Why Top Gun is my fourth-favorite movie of all time

​The Cold War was America's perfect war. Hear me out on this one: No matter what their purpose, whether just (World War II) or crass (the Vietnam War), wars are ultimately pretty depressing. They involve a lot of dying in horrifying and gruesome ways that leave their participants forever scarr ... More >>

13 Assassins, Once Upon a River and other new-release picks for July 5, 2011

​Going back to work after a three-day weekend sucks, so take a few minutes to deviate from your expected tasks and plan your evening. Today promises some exciting new releases, which translates to exciting new ways to bond with yourself, whether it be chillaxing in your hammock reading a new b ... More >>

10 things to do for $10 this weekend, July 1-4, 2011

As great as it is, don't let this be your only company this weekend.​This 4th of July weekend, no one should be left watching the tube, sitting on the couch and drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon all by themselves. No sir. There are plenty of things to do on this three-day weekend, and not all of th ... More >>

The Drama inside the Drama

Transformers 3: we brought this upon ourselves

This time around, he even impressed himself.​Earlier this year, we postulated that Michael Bay's entire career has been about punishing the audience for their awful taste -- namely, their taste for his work. He's tried racism, homophobia, assaultive cinematography and editing techniques, objec ... More >>

Asteroid! A look back at the cinematic space-rock bombardment of the late '90s

Only Bruce Willis can save us now.​At 11:00 this morning, an asteroid 5-20 meters in diameter came within 7,800 miles of Earth. Asteroids and meteorites (ever wonder the difference?) make close calls with Earth all the time, but no time in the history of the world was so harrowing as 1997 and ... More >>

No more Transformers sequels? Please, Jesus, let it be true

Is it over yet?​As the world braces for the money-shot of Michael Bay's third third and most massive robo-jaculation since his last entry into the Transformers mega-conglomeration two years ago, it's increasingly looking like franchise star Shia LaBoeuf might be, uh, pulling out, so to speak. ... More >>

Cars 2 and other sequels that tried (and failed) to freshen up by going abroad

​What's the best way to perk up a tired movie franchise? Most of the time, there is no way. But movie producers still continue to try by taking the old characters overseas and hoping the new locale will reheat the leftovers. Case in point: Cars 2. The film comes out this Friday and promises to ... More >>

Battle: Los Angeles, presidential assassinations and more new release picks for June 14, 2011

​New release day is often a daunting experience -- if you're a big fan of wasting away all of your paychecks on media like us, it makes for hard decisions and awkward conversations with the bank. Even if you do have the time to keep up with things, it's still hard to ensure you're not missing ... More >>

Top five shark-related pop-culture references, in honor of Megalodon

​A new exhibit is opening at the Wildlife Experience Museum tomorrow: Megalodon: The Largest Shark That Ever Lived. The exhibit includes a life-sized replica of megalodon (pictured above) and comparisons with other sharks we think of as scary-big, like the Great White, along with explanations ... More >>

Candyland, and other childhood pastimes Hollywood has ruined

Yeah, this shit is totally like Lord of the Rings.​Here's how the screenwriters of the upcoming Hollywood adaptation of Candyland -- the candy-themed board game for children who do not know how to read -- describe it: "We envision it as Lord of the Rings, but set in a world of candy." That i ... More >>

Pirates of the Carbbean: On Stranger Tides is this week's most ridiculous trailer

​Even though it's been shitty and cold and raining for approximately nine weeks now and it doesn't feel like summer at all, it's still late May, and that means that it's time for the ceremonial rolling out of the summer blockbusters -- so avast, because even more ridiculousness than at other t ... More >>

The art of the mockbuster: Good artists copy, great artists steal

​The art of stealing art is a long lasting one -- since the dawn of the civilized era, people have been copping other people's ideas and running with them. On some levels, there's no real shame in it, but when stealing is turned into a profitable business, things start to get a bit wonky. Toda ... More >>

Portal Kombat: new release picks for April 19, 2011

​Now that everyone finally has their taxes complete and their refund checks on the way, it means it's time to spend some cash on frivolous crap. Good thing we're here to help you with that, because we've got some seriously top-notch entertainment to bust your wallet wide-open with this week. W ... More >>

The Situation wants to be in the movies. Here are five roles he could take

Step it Up's got a Situation.​In one of the most ridiculous overstatements since Michael Bay got compared to an "abstract artist," Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino offered this analogy on Friday, explaining to the E! Network why he'd be leaving The Jersey Shore after next season: "It's like Mic ... More >>

The Super Bowl commercials: Denver edition

​The commercials of the Super Bowl are one of the biggest draws to the game for some people. Viewers love to see the somewhat witty, incredibly overproduced and expensive miniature films announcing that Volkswagen is the best, Detroit is better than where you are and Fox is the greatest statio ... More >>

We brought this upon ourselves: A Michael Bay career retrospective

​America's favorite action auteur-savant, Michael Bay, has spent years telling whoever will listen that his directional style is too hardcore for 3D, that adding depth would be too extreme and punishing on the average filmgoer. With last week's official announcement that Transformers: Dark of ... More >>

Robots attack Denver! Top 10 androids that would really spell trouble for downtown

​Yesterday, an 8-inch toy robot stuck to a pillar near Coors Field triggered hours of havoc downtown, culminating in the Denver bomb squad detonating the innocuous figurine in a hullabaloo of wondrous proportions. Wondrous, but also completely unnecessary. Clearly the little bugger wasn't out ... More >>

Due Date is this week's most ridiculous movie trailer

​Making a movie starring Zach Galifainakis and Robert Downey Jr. is kind of like making Jell-O: The result is awesome, and it's pretty difficult to fuck up. And sure enough, for about its first half, the trailer for Due Date makes the movie look like what it should be: a laid-back, occasional ... More >>

Cop out: Injections of zaniness don't light the impersonality of The Other Guys

JonBenét Ramsey imposter pissed not to make Top Fake Celebrities on Twitter list

Not tweeting.​JonBenét Ramsey can't raise objections about the person tweeting in her name, having been murdered in 1996 -- which is presumably why fake confessor John Mark Karr's been trying to create a JonBenét lookalike cult. But the faux-JonBenét can bitch -- and he/she is doing so abo ... More >>

Noisetrade vs Bandcamp in pay-what-you-want grudge match

​It's been three years since Radiohead blew everyone's minds with the pay-what-you-want model of music distribution, and since then many small sites have been looking to cash in on the idea. Noisetrade is one of these, and although the site has been around for a couple of years, it has recentl ... More >>

The Road

Paradise Asian Cafe may not take you to paradise, but close enough

Recast: If Hans Zimmer had a clue, this is what The Rock's soundtrack would've sounded like

​Let's just go ahead and get this out of the way from the get-go: we love The Rock. We can't explain it but there it is. That said, we also hate Hans Zimmer with a passion usually reserved for evil dictators and ex-patriots. So what better example of Recast then to add a soundtrack to this beloved ... More >>

Getting personal at Paradise Asian Cafe

​ It's what you like that matters. And I like science fiction movies and books about sailing ships and celebrity memoirs and amateur pornography. I like music made in the years that music really mattered to me -- those years I spent in high school and in kitchens and had very little of what a ... More >>

The International

Pho 7: Talk about a cursed location!

The food at this theater sucks worse than a Woody Allen movie

Elitch Gardens: A Celebration with Altitude brings out the attitude

Three the Hard Way

Genuine Fake Robots

Donkey Kong Kill Screen, August 20

Gay Old Time

Downward Mobility

Brit movie brat takes the B horror movie where it deserves to go.

Unknown Soldiers

The Great Raid's compelling story never comes to life.

Send in the Clones

Michael Bay's up to his old tricks -- now older than ever.

War As Video Game

In the whiz-bang Pearl Harbor, vintage history takes a back seat to a dated love triangle.

Super Sunday

Oliver Stone tackles pro football on Any Given Sunday.

A Star Is Borin'

A True Disaster

Rough Landing

Bursting With Good Actors