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Ten sad, strange and sexy Christmas songs

It's less than a week until the fat man in the red suit shimmies down the chimney, and we've already heard "White Christmas," "All I Want For Christmas Is You" and every other traditional song you can think of at least a thousand times since Thanksgiving. But there are a few songs out there, well-wr ... More >>

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Here's a Christmas Miracle you haven't seen here 1,000 times

Believe in Santa Claus

Photos: The ten best costumes of the Santa Claus Pub Crawl

The Santas came in all shapes and sizes on Saturday, accompanied by elves, angels, reindeer and who-the-hell-knows on Saturday, when the annual Santa Claus Pub Crawl came unwrapped along the streets of LoDo and the Ballpark neighborhood. Britt Chester was on hand for this gift that kept on giving; ... More >>

St. Nick of Time

A very special Easter message from the Prophet Elijah

Stop lying to our children.​It's April, and Easter will be here before you know it -- which means it's time for the Prophet Elijah to weigh in. One of our perennial tip-line favorites, the prophet calls us with impressive regularity to tell us his thoughts on a variety of subjects, including w ... More >>

What week is it? Several weird ways to celebrate Christmas

​As a public service to compulsive drinkers, on Mondays, we usually give you a breakdown of all the obscure holidays you could be celebrating that week. This week, however, there's no need for that, because this week heralds the coming of the granddaddy of all holidays: Boxing Day, the Canadia ... More >>

Celebrity Santas whose laps we fear to sit on

​Aside for obvious problems with suspension of disbelief -- how are we going to pretend Chris "The Birdman" Andersen is Santa when we already know he's The Birdman? -- hiring a celebrity to play Kris Kringle can create a slew of dissonance and mildly disturbing associations, particularly if th ... More >>

Flick Pick: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

The Christmas movie selection on Netflix Instant Streaming is terrible

Yep, that exists.​It's 2010. We demand a solution to our seasonal movie needs that doesn't require leaving the house. Netflix Instant Streaming is our usual go-to in these sorts of occasions, but holy crap, have they dropped the ball on this one. There is no convenient way to browse what's ou ... More >>

N.Z's Smokin' Guns and seven more Denver street food trucks will converge at Elitch's tomorrow to feed your gut and collect toys for the Denver Santa Claus Shop

​Eight local street pavement pushers, who hustle grub from the confines of their mobile kitchens, will roll their wheels into the parking lot of Elitch's tomorrow as part of a toy drive to benefit the Denver Santa Claus Shop, a local nondenominational non-profit that collects and distributes ... More >>

Your guide to this year's Christmas movie crop

Ah, better times.​It's the most wonderful cash crop of the year, this Christmas thing. And while we feel there's been a decline in the quantity of Christmas movies lately (a political correctness issue, perhaps?), Hollywood can't help but put out one or two cheer-baiting full-lengths annually. ... More >>

Hell yeah, Santa: Kris Kringle rappels down the giant Denver Pavilions sign tonight

​There are certain things Santa Claus does all around the world: hang around at malls, jingle annoying bells for homeless people, slip his jolly ass down chimneys. And that's all fine and good, but in here in Colorado, let there be no doubt that old Saint Nick does not fuck around. Tonight, fo ... More >>

Christmas traditions that should really die now

​Christmas is all about tradition: the tree, the presents, Santa Claus and, if you're so inclined, that Jesus fella. But just because we've been doing it for so long doesn't mean that it's still a good idea. Some things are good: Christmas specials, family dinner, lights on trees, filled stock ... More >>

Top five most overplayed Christmas songs in stores

"Do I irritate you?"​Worry over the outcome of a mail-in vote on a new contract isn't the only thing stressing out King Soopers workers this season, as I learned during a shopping trip yesterday. When "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" came streaming over the speakers, our teenage s ... More >>

Here Comes Santa Claus

Ho-Ho-Holy Shit

Kenny Be's Worst-Case Scenario: Jake Jabs saves the day!

As the Grand Marshal and chief sponsor, the American Furniture Warehouse owner will bring a fresh new look to the 2009 Parade of Lights... Jake will lead the glittering festivities dressed as Santa Claus and will ride in a Florence Italian Leather Club Chair sleigh pulled by Rudolph, the red-nosed ... More >>

Kenny Be's Friday Afternoon Club: Nick LeMasters and Donna Baldwin at Second Home

​ "We want a high-tech-savvy, personal-trainer-type male model to play an up-market Cherry-Creek-quality kind of Santa Claus. We'll want your talent agency to supply us with a fresh new Santa every day, but don't send any males over the age of thirty; they frighten the children."

Kenny Be's Sign Language: Sexy Santa seeks gift buddy for casual Christmas

​ Handmade decorations allow celebrants to use traditional holiday images to craft deeply personal messages. In the painting pictured above (spotted on South Cherokee Street), the typically pudgy Santa Claus appears as a muscular hunk who wears a sexy off-the-shoulder tank top and summons tha ... More >>

What does Santa Colorado do in the off-season? Chug wine and fight dogs

It's nice to see that Santa likes to unwind in the Rocky Mountains after a tough holiday season. But I'm thinking that ol' Kris Kringle has a little too much time on his hands after watching this video of "Santa Colorado" pounding Columbia Crest wine on his back porch and dancing/fighing with his ... More >>

Does Christmas ever end for Mexicans?

Beyond Playlist presents Xmas-rated, part four: Variety Packs

This year, we've wrapped our roundup of holiday albums a bit differently. Instead of delivering it to you in one big lump (like coal), we're parceling out the reviews online, with a blog each weekday through December 24 devoted to recordings in a different category. Part four features "Variety Pac ... More >>

Beyond Playlist presents Xmas-rated, part two: Reissues and Retreads

This year, we've wrapped our roundup of holiday albums a bit differently. Instead of delivering it to you in one big lump (like coal), we're parceling out the reviews online, with a blog each weekday through December 24 devoted to recordings in a different category. Part two features "Reissues and ... More >>

Ciné Cult Classic

Francophiles gather at Starz to watch a festive French film.

Santa rappels safely (damn it!) at the Denver Pavillions

I trekked to the Denver Pavilions today for the same reason dozens of others did: on the off chance that we could witness a man dressed as Santa Claus explode. Unbeknownst to me, there is actually an annual event wherein St. Nick rappels down the giant "Denver Pavilions" sign to inaugurate the ho ... More >>

Days Four and Five: Wherein I Play Blackjack and Get Sneezed On

Sanity Claus

Separating holiday-music gifts from seasonal disorders.

Santa Baby...

Some culinary wishes and dishes for the new year.

Best Day Trip

Manitou Springs

Off Limits

The Santa Clause

Season's Bleatings

Thanks to these CDs, it's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas.

Well Trained

Polar Express is a kids' action movie that parents will warm to.

Best Oldies DJ

Da Boogieman, KXKL/KOOL 105

This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

Mistletunes

Rounding up holiday discs that offer season's greetings -- and beatings.

Xmas Marks the Spot

A guide to new holiday discs, from surprise presents to Tannen-bombs.

Best Second Coming of Santa

Downtown Aurora

The Latest Noels

'Tis the season to rate another avalanche of holiday discs.

Holidaze

Unwrapping our annual roundup of musical season's greetings -- and beatings.

Time of the Season

This year's holiday CDs alternately inspire joy, nausea and terror. Which would you prefer?

Christmas Packages

The best holiday discs, as well as others that will make you pity the yule.

Hate State Sets New Record: 365 Days of Rage!

Music for the Holidaze

Digging out from a blizzard of seasonal CD releases.

Big Bang Theory

Christmas Seasoning

Hark! The Herald Angels are practically the only group without a holiday CD this year.

JUST SAY NOEL

THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS DISCS PROVIDE SOME ROUGH SLEDDING.

YULE'S GOLD

THE GOOD, THE BAND AND THE UGLY CHRISTMAS ALBUMS FOR 1994.