007 on Speed

My mother thinks I waste too much time hanging out in bars, but she doesn't realize how much knowledge I gain by chatting up bartenders and resident barflies. At Cap City Tavern, for instance, I learned that if you put salt on your cocktail napkin, it will prevent the napkin from sticking to the bottom of your glass when you pick up your drink. I might have come across that nifty tip paging through Martha Stewart Living, but I wouldn't have been able to apply it so quickly. At Cap City, I not only got to try out my newfound napkin trick, but I also discovered I could enjoy a drink called 007 on Speed ($4.50) that's made with Stoli Ohranj (Stoli O), 7-Up, orange juice and a splash of Go Fast. And hanging out with the bar's friendly regulars only enhanced my enjoyment. I learned that the meanest thing someone ever said to Stacy was this: "Are you someone's mom?" I learned that countertop video-arcade games are referred to as "bar crack," and that most men who play them begin with the erotic games and keep at them pretty much non-stop until they have mastered them (or masturbated them). Go figure. One bar regular told me that he'd seen a statistic that "playing erotic games at bars raises male sexual arousal by 19.5 percent." Wow, another shock to the system. Nice as this bar was, the more I think about it, maybe my mother is right.


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