Dharma food supplies as seen on www.insanelygreattees.com
Dharma food supplies as seen on www.insanelygreattees.com

Ask the Critic: Desert Island Top Five

I'm a huge fan of Lost. Have been since episode 1, will be until the day it rolls the final credits.  And like all Lost fans, I am currently going through the first, worst stages of withdrawal now that this season's final episode has aired and I'm staring at something like nine bleak, terrible months until my next fix.

So this week?  A Lostcentric question, but also a classic: the Desert Island Top Five.

Like so many fans, I have occasionally thought about what it would be like to be stuck on the island along with the castaways. Smoke monsters, ghosts, hydrogen bombs and polar bear attacks aside, I think I'd kinda dig it. I mean, what's not to love?  Nice beaches, plenty of sunshine, DHARMA beer falling from the sky.  Sure, there's the occasional flaming arrow attack.  And I would've beat Jack to death with a stick like three seasons ago.  But the way I look at it, so long as I'm not wearing a red shirt and so long as I stay within Hurley's circle of charmed radiation, I think I'd do all right.

One thing that would bug me, though? The lack of culinary variety. There are plenty of mangoes, and lots of wild boar (first thing I would've built? Barbecue pit). Good, fresh sashimi and uni whenever Sun and Jin are around.  And yeah, there's the odd air-drop of sub-generic DHARMA-brand supplies, but really?  I think I would need a little something more to keep me happy.

So here are the five items I'd want to keep me happy and healthy out there on FreakyWeird Island; add yours in the comments section:

1) Pizza. Lots and lots of pizza. And I want mine from either Tonti's or Brooklyn M.C.'s.  I would choose some place finer (like The Oven or Marco's), but neither of those taste very good the next day.  And since I'm assuming that I wouldn't be able to get a pizza delivery every day, I'm gonna go with the ones that taste best the morning after.

2) Lobsters. Can't have a proper beach party without a lobster bake, can you? While everyone else was running around in the jungle, being eaten by dinosaurs and getting themselves shot at, I would be the guy making sure that the coals were hot and the beers were cold. Also, what kind of weird island are they on without access to a single shellfish of any variety anywhere?  Maybe crustaceans are allergic to time travel...

3) Burgers from Schaller's in Rochester, New York.Actually, not just a burger, but a cheeseburger, with lots of the house hot sauce, sides of pickles and fries.  It's weird, Schaller's is only my third favorite cheeseburger in the country (behind the Owl Bar in New Mexico and Bud's here in Colorado), but when faced with the thought of only being able to have one burger for the rest of my life, there was no question at all.  It's gotta be Schaller's.

4) Breakfast burritos. From anywhere really, though I'd prefer either the #13 with red chile from Milton's in Albuquerque or the bacon burritos from Santiago's here in Denver.  Without breakfast burritos, life wouldn't be worth living and I would go all island-crazy inside of a week.

5) Donuts. I hear that Andrew Schutt from Tin Star up in Evergreen has a system now where he can freeze, pack and ship his award-winning apple fritters anywhere in the world.  I'd like to put him to the test.  And if he can deliver the fritters, that means he can probably make with the pulled pork as well -- for those days when there's no wild boar in the pit. But if Schutt can't come through for me, I'd be just as happy with a weekly consignment of Krispy Kremes.  The way I look at it, if KK can get locations open in such far-flung locales as Queensland, Bahrain, Puerto Rico and Korea, they can certainly get my punk ass a hot dozen on Lost island.

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