Bite Me

Where's the beef? First Con Agra recalled 19 million pounds of beef processed at its Greeley plant, and now GFI American, a Minneapolis meatpacker, has announced a nationwide recall of approximately 717,000 pounds of beef possibly tainted with E. coli.

But if these recent horror stories of slow, inefficient health and safety inspections aren't enough to scare you, how about the possibility of no inspections at all? In a surprising decision, the Larimer County Board of Commissioners last month decided to discontinue funding for the Larimer County Department of Health's restaurant-inspection program. Due to a cap on restaurant inspection fees (which cover 20 to 30 percent of the cost of inspections) imposed by the state legislature, Governor Bill Owens's line-item veto of the state's per capita funding for all fourteen local health departments, and a pre-existing shortfall in the 2002 budget, Larimer County found itself desperately short on green and looking at some tough decisions.

"We'd very much like to keep the program, but at the same time, it's something another agency could do," says Jerry Blehm, environmental-health director for the Larimer County Department of Health. That "other agency" is the state health department, which already is responsible for inspecting restaurants not serviced by any local health department. Trouble is, while the state does have a program for restaurant inspections in place, each year it does inspections for about 500 to 1,000 properties across all of Colorado, mostly in rural areas, and is currently "very, very incapable of doing this" for more than 1,250 additional restaurants in Larimer County, according to Blehm. Still, the fact that the state could conceivably pick up the slack was the primary reason Blehm and others at the Larimer County health department decided that this was one place where budget cutting would be less painful -- until some restaurant customer comes down with a bad case of food poisoning, that is.


Not about a Restaurant

In order to buy time so that the state can gear up and county officials can pressure the legislature to remove the inspection-rate cap, the Larimer County health department will continue to provide inspections through the end of the year. The department also convinced the county's Board of Commissioners to put a proposed mill-levy increase to a public vote in November.

How much is it worth to you to know that the fry cook washed his hands?

What's your beef? Homeowners living near Dry Creek Elementary School in Arapahoe County don't want another McDonald's in their neighborhood, don't need another McDonald's in their neighborhood, and are doing their best to see that they don't get another McDonald's in their neighborhood.

But McDonald's sees things differently. Where neighbors see quiet, tree-lined streets and a residential area that closes up as soon as the street lights come on, McDonald's sees opportunity and two things vital to the fast-food blitzkrieg: an open parcel of land and lots of hungry kids.

"If you really need a fix of McDonald's, you can certainly get it here already," says Tyler Henken, a sixteen-year resident of the area who on August 21 was cited with second-degree criminal trespassing by the Arapahoe County Sheriff's Department after he went to the school and tried to collect signatures on a petition opposing the impending construction of a new McDonald's at the corner of Dry Creek Road and Yosemite Street, about a half-mile from the school.

Having been denied permission to set up a table on school grounds by Dry Creek's principal, Darci Mickle, Henken decided to station himself on Hinsdale Street, just off school property, and catch parents as they dropped their kids off for the first day of school. "I wore a poorly painted sign saying 'Help us stop McDonald's,'" Henken recalls. "And my wife reminded me to only get the parents after they'd dropped their kids off. As people were coming back toward their cars, I talked to some of them, and I wasn't really paying attention to anything in the parking lot, because I'd decided not to go there, but I looked up and there was a car -- an SUV, really -- parked in the very last spot."

According to Henken, the woman in the driver's seat called him over, asked him what he was doing and signed the petition. "I had to walk over maybe five feet of grass," he says. "Someone must have been watching me."

A few minutes later, Henken was approached by three police officers, who told him that he'd been seen trespassing and cited him.

Henken admits that he stepped onto school property. "It's been suggested to me that the person who beckoned me over was in cahoots" with Mickle, he adds, " but I just refuse to believe they would have taken the time and effort to do that." Conspiracy or not, his court date is set for September 19.

Henken, a representative of the Willow Creek II homeowners' association, wasn't the only person out collecting signatures that day, and neither was the school the only place being targeted. Members of five area homeowners' groups that oppose the rezoning of the lot in question were out collecting signatures at pools, parks, schools -- "anywhere there would be a lot of people," Henken says. "It was a kind of marketing decision." McDonald's proposes to share the lot, which has stood vacant for more than twenty years, with a five-bay Shell gas station, a convenience store and a car wash; the fast-food eatery will be open until midnight.

"We felt that this was wholly inappropriate for the neighborhood," says Henken, explaining that the project would start the commercialization of Dry Creek Road, just as Arapahoe and County Line roads to the north and south have been commercialized. "We're not against development of the area," he continues, but homeowners want it to be intelligent development that takes into consideration the neighborhood and the feelings of its residents.

Hamburger history has it that decades ago, when Ray Kroc -- the founder of the McDonald's franchise -- was still just a firebrand entrepreneur with the fierce gleam of world domination in his eyes, he would charter small planes to fly him all over the country so that he could scout out local schools that did not yet have a McDonald's restaurant within easy reach. This is still the way business is done today, and while it's unlikely that anyone from the McDonald's franchise office is doing anything quite so creepy as barnstorming residential neighborhoods in a Learjet looking for children walking the streets without a Big Mac in their hands, locations close to schools, shopping malls and other high-traffic areas are still the most sought-after in this fight to win the hearts and appetites of every man, woman and child in the free world.

Leftovers: Just so no one gets confused, there's another restaurant in town with a name similar to those reviewed this week. But I didn't include Singapore Cafe (3230 East Colfax Avenue) in my two-stop roundup of Denver's Malaysian spots because, unlike Isle of Singapore and Singapore Grill, Singapore Cafe serves up native Vietnamese and Chinese cuisine -- but no Malaysian.

Fans of that exotic cuisine still miss Bali Island, which surfaced several years ago in a quaint Victorian bungalow at 2637 West 26th Avenue, the original home of La Loma (now down the street at 2527 West 26th). Just as that black hole of a location has swallowed a dozen other eateries, including the bizarre The International and the occasionally fabulous La Fabula, it sank Bali Island. And now it's claimed another tenant: Z-Ribs, an American barbecue and Mexican barbacoa joint that lasted barely long enough to get the coals hot.

Better luck to Palabras Con Sabor (617 22nd Street), a new Latin coffeehouse and bookstore that features a library of Latino literature, all the free salsa, Tejano and flamenco music you can jam in your ears, and a short menu of organic coffees, sandwiches, snacks and pastries -- Latin and otherwise -- that you can eat indoors or out. What more could you ask for?

Well, how about video games, drunken frat boys playing Skee-Ball, eighty TVs and a martini bar? As previously mentioned in this space (Bite Me, August 15) Margarita Mama's Mexican Grill and Banana Joe's Island Party -- the latest examples of America's fascination with "eatertainment" -- will open September 12 on the second and third floors of the Denver Pavilions, and you can bet your life that Bite Me will be sending a crack team of undercover culture critics into the belly of the beast. Also on September 12, The Parlour will celebrate its grand reopening at 846 Broadway (Bite Me, August 22); from the looks of things, all memories of Basil Ristorante, which occupied the space during the interim years between the old Parlour and the new, have been banished for good.

You could have many grand openings of your own if you take advantage of Wine Storage of Denver (202 South Kalamath Street), which opened in January this year. For anyone serious about collecting good grape, but not so serious that you're ready to put tens of thousands of dollars into building a proper wine cellar in your own home, this could be the solution. Wine Storage offers a 55-degree, 65 to 75 percent humidity, low- vibration environment that's perfect for the proper maturation of fine wines. "The wine you're ready to drink is the wine you expect," promises owner Tom Cheney. Visit for more information.

And if you can't wait to drink some good wine, Kevin Taylor's Nicois (815 17th Street) has made August's "Bottomless Wine Glass" promotion a regular menu item: You can now enjoy a $35 three-course meal, complete with plenty of vino, Monday through Saturday. The concept has been such a success for Taylor that it's growing like a weed -- right up to his Dandelion restaurant in Boulder (1011 Walnut Street), which has also made the special menu part of its regular fare.


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