A poet could compose endless lines about the pleasures of eating, and infinitely more about being in love, but a sonnet could never quite capture what it's like to experience both in an instant. It's hard to describe how it feels to look someone in the eye during a meal and silently agree that the only logical next step is to have sex as soon as possible.
So, rather than attempt to do that, here are five ideal restaurant bathrooms for performing the existential act of making love on the fly -- a public service, if you will. And since lists of this nature are obviously ongoing, feel free to contribute your own suggestions in the comments section below.
5. City, O' City, 206 East 13th Avenue City, O' City has become a Denver institution over the years, and not just for vegetarians. The foodie-approved, meatless mecca's appeal is due in large part to its atmosphere: cool in a way that's hard to put your finger on, much like its hipster clientele. The chic vibe is undeniably sexy, and when the mood strikes, the bathrooms are private, small and easily accessible. And since the tunes play at a properly ambient volume, chances are slim that other patrons will overhear your O-moment.
4. Cuba Cuba, 1173 Delaware Street A virgin to Cuba Cuba might be a bit overwhelmed by the scene: The Victorian exterior of the bustling joint can certainly be misleading. The place is usually packed, and grabbing a table can be frustrating, but the authentic food and vibrant cocktails are well worth the wait. It's easy to get lost in the moment at this oasis, and because it's located in a renovated house, the restrooms offer a comfortable-ish alternative to a bedroom for those without inhibitions.
3. Any one of our fine city's tap rooms Technically, a tap room isn't a restaurant, but food trucks often provide exceptional curbside eats at the growing number of beer-from-the-source bars in town. And trust me, the bathrooms have already been christened by another couple, so you might as well join the club.
2. Fuel Cafe, 3455 Ringsby Court The menu at Fuel Cafe is ripe with consciously sourced ingredients, which is why the spot won the Sustainable Argument in this year's Best of Denver issue. And since the bathrooms are situated separately from the actual dining area (the unisex one is even equipped with a shower!), there's no guilt in "taking advantage" of a meal there.
1. The Cruise Room, 1600 17th Street
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The Cruise Room is easily one of Denver's most storied establishments; it opened the day after Prohibition ended and has since provided revelry for business types, tourists, suburbanites and hipsters alike. And the bathrooms -- which are conveniently located in the cavernous halls downstairs -- have no doubt been the site of untold debauchery. So why not write your own history within its depths? There's no better place to get your martini dirty, and still feel classy.