Five discontinued fast-food items I want back

Taco Bell's menu, circa 1970s.
Taco Bell's menu, circa 1970s.

It never fails: Just when I become emotionally -- and occasionally physically -- attached to a certain fast-food item, the corporate overlords snatch it away like fiendish villains in a Joss Whedon movie (or one of his TV shows that hasn't been cancelled prematurely). Okay, so some items don't sell as well as others, but what's that compared to the disheartened inconvenience that we faithful fast-foodies are forced to endure when we all have to learn to love new things? What about the delicious cheesy, beefy, crunchy, oniony and frozen-yogurty old things?

Here's my list of five discontinued fast-food items that I want back. And why not bring them back? The chains can just market them as "retro," which will make them very hip.

The Yumbo from Burger King.
The Yumbo from Burger King.

5. Burger King's Yumbo. Back in the 1970s (when I was a zygote), and the early 1980s, when I was mostly sentient, Burger King had the Yumbo: a hot ham-and-cheese sandwich that was a godsend for latchkey kids whose parents couldn't fry a f*cking egg to save their lives even when they were home. The aptly named Yumbo filled a white, seeded hamburger bun with sliced ham and two slices of perfectly melted American cheese. The result was hammy, cheesy and delicious, and if anyone ever digs a Yumbo out of a time capsule, even in its degraded state it would still be better than anything similar that Arby's slops out now.

Why would McDonald's get rid of the McOnion Nuggets?
Why would McDonald's get rid of the McOnion Nuggets?

4. McOnion Nuggets from McDonald's. McDonald's had some genius food ideas in the 1980s. McD's deep-fried its pies, used beef-flavored oil to cook its fries, and as more proof that its corporate bigs didn't even pretend to give a fat sh*t about health or nutrition, it offered its own take on onion rings: McOnion Nuggets. They were breaded and deep-fried onion chunks, kinda like the bastard children of hush puppies and onion rings. Things fried in nugget form are déclassé these days, but I guarantee if McDoo brought these back as a special item -- alongside the McRib sandwich, maybe? -- people would drop their bowls of hummus and celery sticks and stuff those McOnion Nuggets down like they were fueled on pure fryer grease, which would then be true.



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