Social media always seems to be dripping with photos and snippets about strange, exciting, disgusting and occasionally hideous edible creations. Some of these constructions turn out to be Photoshopped fakes and some we all wish were not real. This last week alone has produced everything from a horrific hundred-dollar hot dog soaked in cognac to the apotheosis of all Bloody Mary cocktails, garnished with an entire fried chicken.
Good, bad, ugly or just wrong, here's a list of five new and peculiar foods. Look forward to gummy peppers, nachos with a hint of green and what Cinnabon is doing to help customers slide into early graves.
5) Hot gummy peppers that are really hot.
It was only a matter of time before someone took existing jalapeno-, habanero- and ghost-pepper-flavored gummy candies and effectively constructed great meta-candies capable of making people laugh, choke and cry, possibly at the same time. Vat19 sells these tasty treats, in three packs for about ten bucks. Aside from being searing hot, they feature fruit flavors -- the green jalapeno is paired with green apple, the habanero version is orange flavored and the ghost pepper tastes like cherry.
I can't help but think that aside from the sheer enjoyment of eating these gummies, the entertainment value might trump all that if you wanna be the biggest dickhead on the block at Halloween this year.
4) Cronuts, courtesy of Jack in the Box.
Jack in the Box has done it again -- and by "it," I mean the fast-food chain has decided to flog another dead trend years after relevance by offering cronuts on its menu. Jack's doesn't call them cronuts; instead they are simply "croissant donuts" -- because the company might not be able to afford a lawsuit. They are, though, part-donut and part-croissant, under a buck each, and available in the drive-through. I admire Jack's ability to straight-up say "fuck the semantics!" and rip off dead food movements. And this from the same chain that makes "tacos" with meat filling more questionable that Taco Bell's.
This could be a futile attempt by Jack in the Box to add some class to the menu, but unfortunately fast-food cronuts will only appeal to the same demographic that thinks the Kardashians are classy.
3. The sushi roll corndog.
State fair-inspired things on sticks just got one-upped hard with UCLA political science major and dude-food blogger Josh Scherer's magnificent creation: the Sushi Corndog. He rolled out this mighty stick-successful recipe for a battered and fried spicy tuna roll on his blog, Culinary Bro-down, in a post aptly titled "Spicy Tuna Corn Dog & How Fried Foods Benefit the World," where he describes a brief history of fried state-fair creations, touts social change through mustard (or something like that) and quotes Gary Oldman.
Your move, state fairs everywhere.
For more peculiar new foods, read on...
2. Cannabis nachos.
Oh blessed, blessed marijuana legalization efforts that are geographically limited at the moment, but at the very least have brought canna-chefs out of hiding. Pot-infused food and drink recipes are circulating on the Internet faster than porn and grumpy cat memes, and this particular technique for crafting cannabis nachos (cannachos maybe?) thanks to The Stoner's Cookbook is making the rounds on the book of faces this week, likely due to the elegant simplicity of the recipe, the ingredients that use multiple extraction methods -- cannabutter, cannamilk and cannabis salsa -- or perhaps just because it's weed and nachos at the same time.
Cannachos: you eat them, get the munchies, eat more because you have the munchies, and it goes on into infinity or at least until you get tired of making cannabis salsa. Which might be never.
1. Cinnabon throws down fruit toppings.
I'm fairly convinced at this point that "Cinnabon" is old Latin for "glorious death," and the Grim Reaper has icing on his scythe. Cinnabon has chosen to do something so beautiful and disgusting it outdoes itself by offering its already death-defying Classic Rolls, Minibons, and Center of the Rolls with well-sugared seasonal berry toppings. This berry goop doesn't take the place of the frosting -- perish the thought -- but is globbed right on top of it, in what can only be described as the best and quickest way to kill yourself with food since KFC's Double Down.
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There are a lot of ways to leave this world; lying on a mall floor, sticky, soaked in butter and spattered with cinnamon and macerated berries is one of the worst -- meaning best -- ways to go.