Five worst pumpkin products this season

Five worst pumpkin products this season

Every autumn brings an interesting array of pumpkin, pumpkin spice and pumpkin pie-flavored eats and drinks -- some of which are far more palatable than others. Because every autumn, we can always count on a marketing menu of strange, unusual and even intolerable pumpkin items that somebody, somewhere thought up, produced and smacked on to store shelves.

Here's our list of the top five worst pumpkin products this season.

See also: Six Colorado pumpkin beers to help you get your gourd on

Five worst pumpkin products this season

5. Pumpkin spice seltzer water

Because drinking plain sody water hasn't been popular since 1955, the creative whiz team at Polar decided to bring it back into vogue by adding holiday flavors like candy cane, eggnog and pumpkin spice. Instead, it seems destined for a dusty shelf at some local Big Lots. It may be calorie- and sugar-free, but this carbonated pumpkin water is still choke-ish to drink.

And just smelling it is awful: The aroma is overwhelming in a Halloween room-deodorizer-candle sort of way. Trick, definitely not treat.

Five worst pumpkin products this season

4. Snickers Pumpkin Mars didn't come out with squat this year for special Halloween candies, aside from the same old boring fall-color M&Ms, so when I came across the Snickers Pumpkin at a convenience store, I was expecting something at least mildly creative, like little peanutty-nougatty, orange-colored white chocolate mini-bars in a shiny, Halloween wrapper. What I got instead was a couple of rather thick-shelled, elongated jack 'o lantern shaped bars that were pretty much indistinguishable from regular Snickers bars, except for one glaring, unpleasant difference.

The jack 'o Snickers are significantly smaller than the regular bars but cost the same -- making this "pumpkin" a real jack-off.

Five worst pumpkin products this season

3. Pumpkin pie yogurt

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, which is the short explanation for Yoplait squeezing out four-packs of pumpkin pie yogurt. This should be delicious, since most of Yoplait's other flavors are (excepting that wangy Key Lime one), but the pale color, the lack of pumpkin pie spice aroma and the overall flavor of nothing make this yogurt the biggest fail that any yogurt company has perpetrated since those tubes filled with sticky, cotton-candy flavored goob. The nothing flavor equates to the barest hint of what could be plain pumpkin puree, devoid of the traditional cinnamon-clove-nutmeg spicing of pumpkin pie.

After this, I'm not looking forward to Yoplait's Christmas fruitcake without the fruit.

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