Tattoos have risen in popularity over the years as a permanent form of self-expression -- a branding of time and history -- but devotion and proclamation no longer stop at inking the name of your betrothed on your bicep. And just in case you haven't noticed, the food industry is hardly immune to the ink craze. If you haven't seen the slammer-style "foie gras" tattoo on the knuckles of Vesta Dipping Grill/Steuben's executive chef, Matt Selby, it's worth the price of admission. And Deanna Parker, wife of Table 6 chef Scott Parker, is inked with a glorious stick of butter flying toward a stack of pancakes.
But most tats aren't nearly that stellar. In fact, there's a whole lot of horrific gastroink out there. Here's proof:
5. The Kool-Aid Man Sure, Kool-Aid was pretty awesome -- if you doubled the sugar in the recipe and added vodka to it. But of all the drinks from the '80s you could choose to immortalize on your body (even if you didn't like it, which seems to be the case here), wouldn't you pick Tang?
4. The Hot Dog Belly This wouldn't be nearly as traumatizing if we could just get over the preponderance of stomach hair.
3. The Crapping Cupcake There absolutely, positively has to be a fantastic story behind this. Why else would you demoralize your body with such hideousness?
2. Popeye's Gut The gross-out factor is astronomical. It's the Popeye's Chicken logo (hurl), but what is really says is, "If you were planning on having sex with me, you should stop right there."
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1. The Worst Bacon Tattoo EVER So you decided to get a bacon tattoo. That's pretty great, because bacon is one of God's gifts. But maybe next time you should find a tattoo artist that has a sliver of talent, because this is an injustice to every pig on the planet.