Gummy Bear

When most people hear the start of "We Three Kings," they think of those Oriental kings bearing gifts from afar. Until recently, when I thought of three kings, they were Elvis, Martin Luther and Burger. But after a visit to 3 Kings Tavern, I now know they're co-owners Jim Norris, Jeff Campbell and Martin Kilorin, who've presented Denver with the great gift of a borderline dive bar filled with the music of three musical kings: punk, rock and metal. Although my ears almost bled when I had the "pleasure" of listening to some of the local talent being played on the jukebox, I couldn't help but love this joint. My friend Jonathan (not a king, nor even a prince) asked to purchase the crying or sweating (we couldn't tell which), fat, black-velvet Elvis hanging on the wall over the bar, and the bartender (one of the kings) said he was pretty sure that another king wouldn't sell it to him because he'd recently been offered something for the painting that Jonathan couldn't match: a viewing of the would-be buyer's quite impressive breasts, along with $40. So Jonathan, knowing he didn't have the equipment to compete with the first part of that deal, offered a grand. Since the painting really wasn't worth much more than a tit flash, I have to assume he was inspired by the Gummy Bear ($6), made with Absolut Ruby Red, Absolut Raspberri, orange juice and Red Bull (also served as a depth charge for a dollar less). The bartender regally declined his offer, though, and went off to serve another customer. Perhaps if Jonathan had offered frankincense and myrrh, he might have had a shot.


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