Hosea Rosenberg dodges a bullet on Top Chef: New York

Seriously, dude? Canned crab? What the fuck was Hosea Rosenberg thinking?

For those of you who missed the most recent episode of Top Chef: New York, let me catch you up. The chef-testants had to cook New American for fifty. The catch? They had to do it from the kitchen at Craft, judge Tom Colicchio's Manhattan restaurant. Oh, and the fifty people they were cooking for were all also-rans from the New York area who hadn't made it onto the show.

Still, the challenge seemed simple enough. A New American menu (which allows for cooking pretty much anything), one dish per chef (it ain't ever gonna get that easy again, kids) and a fully outfitted kitchen in which to do it. And what does our boy Rosenberg go and do? Buys canned crab for his dish (a crab salad that's been on the menu at Jax Fish House in Boulder, where he's the top chef), just because the Whole Foods in Manhattan where they were all dumped to stock up didn't have any fresh Dungeness crab in stock.

I cringed when I saw him do that last Wednesday. I really did. And while I will admit that the entire floor of Craft was stocked with pissy little dickheads and complete assholes bitter at being left out in the cold, a good number of them called Rosenberg out on his canned crab fuck-up.

The only people who didn't? The Top Chef judges. Sure, they hated his salad. It had no flavor, was under-seasoned and the texture was off, in their combined opinions. But they didn't put two and two together and come up with the obvious cause: canned frickin' crab!

Lucky for Rosenberg, there were some chefs who sucked even worse than he did -- for example, Jill Snyder, who in a moment of complete stupidity decided to try and cook with an ostrich egg--an ingredient she'd never worked with before and had no idea how to handle. When the dust settled, Jill was packing her knives, the two European chef-testants (Stefan and Fabio) were cleaning up on the awards and getting creepily touchy-feely with each other and all three of our (kinda) Colorado hopefuls were still in the game.

Here's to hoping I can still say as much after this Wednesday's episode. And by the way, the best viewing party in town could be at Boulder's West End Tavern, at 926 Pearl Street, which is owned by the same company that employs Rosenberg and fellow contestant Melissa Harrison, sous at Centro. -- Jason Sheehan

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