Runners sprint two miles to a Krispy Kreme shop, try to pound down a dozen glazed doughnuts, and then waddle race two miles back to the finish line. Since most people burn between 400 to 550 calories when they run four miles (depending on their weight), the Krispy Kreme Challenge is not the race for runners looking to drop a few pounds.
Here are five other ways to become a fat fatty while staying active.
5. Tour de Donut: For those who need more than one race a year that involves sugary pastries, the Tour de Donut is a 28-mile bike race that deducts five minutes off a racer's time for each doughnut he or she eats. (The FAQ section on the website doesn't mention if the five minutes are added back if the biker throws the doughnut up -- seems like a loophole.) The nearest Tour de Donut event is in Utah in July, so gear up and head on down, fatty. 4. Eat a Dove bar while walking on the treadmill: This was a favorite of longtime NFL coach Bill Parcells. A chocolate and vanilla ice cream Dove bar packs 320 calories and 26 grams of sugar -- which means that by the time you've polished it off, no way will you have burned those calories. Still, this exercise is perfect for those who want a convenient snack, but no part of breaking a sweat or raising their heat rate. 3. Beer & Chili Run/Walk: Saturday was apparently the unofficial day for unhealthy exercise, since Newport, New York, held its twenty-seventh Beer & Chili Run/Walk. At either 5K or 10K, this race isn't exactly ambitious. If you really want to get your fat kid on, you could just walk the 5K and then pound beers and chili with a vengeance. 2. Beermile: What sucks more than running a mile on a track? Running a mile on a track without drinking four beers. A beermile is a race in which runners drink a beer for every quarter-mile they run around a track. And there are rules, like no wide-mouth cans, hard ciders, lemonades or anything below 5 percent alcohol by volume; runners who puke must run a penalty lap. Jim Finlayson of Victoria, British Columbia, owns the world's top two beermile times, including a five-minute-and-twenty-second effort while pounding four stouts (damn, son!). Denverites who think they have the stomach to compete should contact the Denver Metro Beermile Club, which is hosting a race on February 19 at the Harvard Gulch Track. 1. Shake 'N' Bake then Shake Weight: One serving of Original Shake 'N' Bake offers empty carbohydrates, loads of sodium and no healthy nutrients. Coat your favorite fat-laden, American-size portion of meat, bake it, wolf it down, and without getting up, grasp your Shake Weight. From the comfort of your dinner table, or couch, you can transition from crusty meat to an almost useless exercise. If that's not incentive enough, you'll look like you're trying out for a porno flick.
Follow @CafeWestword on Twitter
