Screw Candy: What rich people should give out on Halloween

Pop quiz, hotshot. You've got the wealth of Bill (or at least Antonio) Gates, but you live in a neighborhood that doesn't wall-out or otherwise secure your house from casual trick-or-treating. You love Halloween, and you want your house to be legendary. You don't want to go crazy here--no Oprah-style car giveaways. What you want here is something on the realistic side of awesome.

So given that scenario, what do you hand out to the kids? What do you do? Some suggestions, Richie Rich.

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen