Slurm, Butterbeer and Spoo: Fake foods we're glad aren't real
As important as food is to the real world, there aren't all that many foods unique to the fictional world...which might be a very good thing, considering the inherent dangers in these following fake-foods and drinks. Some dangers are slight, others more sinister, some plain disgusting. But in the end, there are a handful that you just don't want to see set before you for your dining pleasure.
This Harry Potter gateway drug is probably alcoholic--it gets house elves drunk, anyway, and is said to lower inhibitions at Professor Slughorn's parties. And, given the novels' protagonists, it bears mentioning that it's served all over the place to minors. (Way to be an idol of millions of kids there, J.K. Rowling.) Granted, what with the new Harry Potter theme park, it's sort of going to be a real thing -- but it's not going to be alcoholic. At least, those walking under the roller coaster will hope.
Hufu is tofu that's been flavored and texturized to resemble the taste and mouth-feel of human flesh. Sounds delish, doesn't it? It was all a joke, of course, at least as long as the HuFu website was up (from 2005-2006), but one has to wonder how much of a market there might actually be for this, what with the goths and the Twilight fans and the cannibalistic serial killers.
A worm-based food-substance that supposedly tastes like "meat jello", Spoo has been featured at length on Babylon 5, and very briefly on the cartoon She-Ra, Princess of Power. Who knew those fictional universes crossed over? J. Michael Straczynski, is who, as he was writer on both shows, and responsible for the Spoo. Why anyone in any universe would want to eat some worm paste when there have to be more tasty options in all the known galaxies remains woefully unexplained.
The goddess Hera, wearing a crown, and holding a royal sceptre, is served ambrosia and nectar by her daughter Hebe.
7. Ambrosia and Nectar
The food and drink of the gods in Greek Myth, this stuff is so good, so pure, so full of divine power that any mortal who consumes is him or herself consumed by it. I don't care how good the stuff tastes -- I don't want my dinner to eat me.
Otherwise known as Elvish waybread to Tolkien-fans, this substance was supposedly able to sustain a traveler for a day with just a few nibbles. Sounds useful, sure, but it doesn't sound all that great -- just a dry, mealy bit of stuff that's technically edible, keeps you moving, and comes wrapped in a leaf. Of course, we've got a new name for this, perfect for our contemporary outdoor lifestyles -- Power Bars. Like lembas, without the leaf.
5. Powdered Toast
This Ren & Stimpy fabulous foodstuff is advertised as tasting just like sawdust. What's more, it's actually made from the shavings of Powdered Toast Man, the fartalicious spokesman. Any of the above facts pretty much proves my point here.
4. Krabby Patties
Unlike the Tarantino-esque Big Kahuna Burger, which most people agree sounds pretty good, Spongebob Squarepants' Krabby Patties are admittedly disgusting. That doesn't stop the undersea community in Bikini Bottom from loving the things, but then you have to consider that they also swim around in their own feces, too. So that mitigates their level of culinary taste somewhat.
3. Scooby Snacks
Think about it -- these things have to be highly addictive. Shaggy and Scooby do anything -- literally anything -- to get their hands on boxes of whatever this is. I'm guessing some sort of biscuit-formed heroin derivative, but your guess is as good as mine. Just don't let it pass your lips, or else you'll be easily convinced to chase that ghost over there past the same potted plant and suit of armor, over and over again.
Seriously, what is it with eating worms in the sci-fi future? This Futurama drink isn't just highly addictive (which is, in fact, it's advertising slogan) -- it's also the anal secretion of a giant worm. Nothankyouverymuch. Also notable from Futurama is Bachelor Chow ("Now with Flavor!"), that's pretty much edible loneliness in a bag. We have seen the future, and it is full of blatant usury and sadness.
1. Soylent Green
It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people! (And really, I don't even like to talk to most people, let alone eat them.)
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