There are plenty of lovey-dovey beers to drink with your honey on Valentine's Day -- the Coupler from Wynkoop Brewing, Red Ale from Odell's, and Cherry Dip Stout at the Vine Street Pub, to name a few -- but you're drinking alone this year, right?
For that, you need something a little edgier. Here are ten beers to drink alone on Valentine's Day.
10) Mama's Little Yella Pils Oskar Blues Brewing Yeah, it's a great name, and it'll let you drown your sorrows in more ways than one. Oh, and because Mama's is a lower-alcohol pilsner, you can throw back a six-pack and still not have to worry about drunkenly Facebooking your ex.
9) The Nihilist Mountain Sun Pub, Southern Sun, Vine Street Pub This imperial stout is the Whiskey of Beers, and you can drink it neat, no rocks. The name says it all. You don't care. Nothing matters. Fuck it.
8) Bigfoot Barley Wine Sierra Nevada Oh the places you'll stomp and romp -- in your head, at least -- after a couple (don't say "couple," damn it!) of these big bad boys. At 10 percent alcohol by volume, they'll go down sweet -- unlike your ex -- and have you on your back before dark (also unlike your ex).
7) The Stranger Left Hand Brewing Gettin' some strange? No? Sit on your Left Hand 'til it goes numb and then drink one of these. It brings some explosive joy back to being alone.
6) True Blonde Dubbel Ska Brewing Do blondes have more fun? Who knows? But this sweet, saucy number is sure to make your ex jealous. And at 8 percent ABV, it's sure to make you forget.
5) Sublimely Self-Righteous Stone That's how you're feeling, right? And there's a damn good reason for it. Your ex didn't deserve you, and neither does your next. You're too good for those fools. Barthenther, bringth me athother.
4) Raging Bitch vs. Butt Head Bock Flying Dog Brewing vs. Tommyknocker You are what you eat. That's why you're alone. Now own it.
3) Espresso Oak Aged Yeti Great Divide The breakfast beer of champions. Pry your head off that tear-stained pillow, ditch the Bloody Marys and start the day with what the brewery calls "an unapologetic breakfast beer."
2) Karma Avery Brewing What goes around comes around, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT, YOU CALLOUS PIECE OF SHIT?! Now, leave me alone while I'm drinking.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
1) Man Beer Bull & Bush Sorry, ladies, but I'll be drinking a Man Beer on Valentine's Day.