The ten best candies when you're stoned
Okay, so you're high. And you've got the munchies. And this is October, so there's candy everywhere at the store. So you grab a bag of fun-sized fun, and you take it home to the buds with whom you share your bud. And you enjoy the candy, of course, but you have questions. You have insights. And they seem really, really important. At least for the next few hours.
What questions? Pass it around, and I'll tell you.
10. Reese's Pieces Invented in 1982 because M&M's were too stupid to believe in the world phenomenon that was E.T. and refused to let Spielberg use them in the movie. So, Reese's Pieces. Which is awesome, since they're delicious and count as lunch when mixed with jelly and bread.
9. Pixy Stix So named because the powder is so magical that it was transformed from a drink mix to a kids' candy with nothing but prestidigitation (and a change in marketing). Besides, dude, you could totally lace a bowl with this. What do you think a grape high feels like?
8. Bit-o-Honey Surprisingly, the "Bit-o" refers not to the size of the honey-flavored taffy candy, but the tiny bits of almond in it. Who knew? More important, the term "Bit-o" is criminally underused in daily life.
6. Junior Mints You might know these more for the Seinfeld reference ("Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? They're chocolate, they're peppermint...they're delicious!") than for the candy itself. And you almost certainly don't remember the 1941 Broadway play (Junior Miss) for which it was named. Which explains why there are no Senior Mints, and avoids the question as to whether those mints would be bigger, or small and wizened.
5. Fun Dip Back in the '70s and '80s, this was called Lik'Em Aid -- until the powers-that-be realized that the name made no freakin' sense. This does nothing to lessen the candy's awesomeness, however, especially when you consider that you're using candy to scoop candy, so it's the genius of candy on candy, and boom: Your mind is blown.
4. Jelly Bellies Jelly Bellys nearly did a marketing belly-flop when they were introduced to the public back in the '70s -- and retailed for a then-ridiculous price of $2 per pound. (They've nearly quadrupled in price since, and remain pretty popular.) And if former president Ronald Reagan could recognize that these were amazing even as his mind was faltering, then surely one can appreciate their goodness through a literal and figurative pot haze.
3. Nerds Awarded "Candy of the Year" in 1985, during the success of Revenge of the Nerds and the growing power of Bill Gates, it was the right time to introduce a candy named for the intellectually gifted and socially impaired. The real question is this: How many of these do you think we need to eat in order to get better at calculus? Or at least understand how to play Dungeons & Dragons?
2. Gummi Bears These have been around since the 1920s, which seems like a long-ass time for Gummi Bears to have existed. Apparently, we weren't paying attention on a national basis. More important, these pose some serious moral quandaries -- like is it morally wrong to eat something whose adventures you used to enjoy watching on Saturday-morning cartoons? Because this seems like something that Gruffi Gummi would totally disapprove of, man.
1. Jolly Ranchers While these were produced in Colorado, they were never made on a ranch, let alone for ranch hands, who are, in turn, not known for being particularly jolly. So that's weird. Even weirder is that you can suck on these just so in order to sharpen them down into a candy shiv. Do they allow Jolly Ranchers in prison?
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