The top five weirdest new fetish foods
It's bratwurst...it's gummy bears....it's gummy bear brats!
We all never seem to run out of wacky ideas for off-beat eats and drinks, and the beauty of social media is that every time Oreo brings forth some fresh-hellish cookie flavor, an R & D team creates new waffle-things, or some mad distiller concocts tomato booze, we get the photos, the descriptions, and occasionally the anguished outrage when off-beat becomes out-of-their-minds.
Here's a list of the top five weirdest new fetish foods -- repurposed kimchi, coffee chips and really wackadoo Oreos are involved, while gummy bears go where no gummy has gone before.
So these turned out to be fake, but the other weird flavors are all too real.
5. Yet more weird-flavored Oreos
Fried-chicken flavored Oreos almost made the list, after a disturbing image made the social media rounds this past week; but alas, these treats turned out to be only an altered photo and a fevered dream. The reason that chicken-fried Oreo cookies seemed perfectly legit was likely due to the recent parade of off-normal flavors the company has actually been peddling: gingerbread, Creamsicle, candy corn, banana split, sherbet ice cream, Neapolitan, fruit punch and watermelon. There were even green tea Oreos offered only in Japan and China for a while there, but as Americans have long since passed the "green tea the EVERYTHING!" fad it's doubtful they would have caught on here.
American culinary trends at the moment appear to be focused on "paleo the EVERYTHING!" so it's possible that Nabisco could come up with some new gems like "kale smoothie," "ancient grains," or "raw bison PaleOreos"... and people would probably buy them.
Well, one of these sounds good.
4. Cappuccino flavored Lay's potato chips
Coffee drink-flavored Lay's potato chips are actually for real -- I checked a few times to make sure this wasn't an elaborate hoax -- because this year's test flavors from Lay's "Do Us a Flavor" contest will hit store shelves in late July, and cappuccino is one of four new creations, alongside cheddar bacon mac & cheese, mango salsa, and wasabi-ginger. Cappuccino may very well end up being the most disgustingly ill-advised chip flavor ever spawned from what seems to be a corporate-wide Molly trip-out (although mango salsa is a close second) but at least the wasabi-ginger chips have a fighting chance to be passably good.
In case anyone is curious, my personal dream team of potato chip flavors would be ham, buttercream frosting, pink lemonade and lox; fuck it -- just mix them all up in the same bag.
Deep-fried kimchi? Oh, the warm feels!!!
3. Deep-fried kimchi
Thanking the gods of food and wine, there is something currently trendy that doesn't sound like a fucked-up foodie joke: breaded and deep-fried kimchi. Currently trending are recipes for battered and fried kimchi, kimchi fritters, kimchi balls and even a fried kimchi burger. The elegant simplicity of taking the ever-popular fermented chili-cabbage condiment and putting a characteristic American spin on it (we can pretty much batter and deep-fry anything) makes it a cheap, easy and creative fetish food that should have been thought of years ago.
The next time Lay's decides to conjure up some new frankenchips, let's hope someone in charge gives the nod to a deep-fried kimchi flavored batch, as those would have a chance of sticking around past the shelf life of a frozen yogurt cone.
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