Top five most ridiculous Denver Yelp restaurant reviews

Members of the Yelp "Elite Squad" in New York City recently received a chiding e-mail asking them, among other things, to stop acting like greedy trolls; to stop freeloading the grub; to quit auctioning off their event RSVPs to the highest bidders; and to quit bringing their entire families to Elite Yelp events to sponge the edibles.

According to the Yelp website, Yelp restaurant "reviewers," especially the "Elite Squad," are supposed to be "the most passionate Yelpers that makes [sic] our community so funny, useful and cool."

In addition, Yelpers are expected to "always have lots of reviews of great local businesses and services, but more importantly the Yelp members who get in are known for having reviews that are insightful, engaging and personal (aka useful, funny and cool!)." There are an awful lot of people, however, who don't believe that Yelp reviews are any of those things, including, you might remember, Scott Parker, the chef at Table 6. We recently perused the restaurant reviews on the Denver Yelp site and came up with a little list of the five most ridiculous Denver Yelp restaurant reviews.

5. Category: Useful.

Bruce W. wrote about Sexy Pizza:

They overcharged me because I was drunk. That's some very non-sexy behavior. Unless Denver has the mf'r of all sales taxes, they clearly ripped me off. Pizza was decent, not sexy.

This short but succinct review is useful because it lets other Yelpers and the general public know that you can trod your sodden ass into any restaurant, be too hammered to read a bill or a menu, and still be given your shining moment via Yelp to review and star-rate any restaurant you want. Is this too much power for the common person to wield with impunity? Not if you've had enough to drink.

4. Category: Cool.

Oliver M. wrote about Japon:

Japon isn't bad, but it's not going to change your world. They have a long list of specialty rolls with some bizarre creations. I had the Montana roll and it was tasty, but I can't really say it was Japanese. Most disappointing thing are the non-sushi offerings. The salad was strange; it had tons of fresh mint in it. The gyoza were also kind of weird. I think Japon tried to make them fancy by using beef. I would have preferred the traditional pork. Another oddity of this place is that the sushi chefs and servers use a mix of Japanese and English greetings. Although I like the effort, it comes off strangely to yell thank you at customers. For some reason arigatougozaimashita doesn't sound as harsh. The worst part of the whole experience was the host. She was really snobby and acted like we were putting her out for asking for a table. I don't understand this treatment, even at high end restaurants. At local joints, it's even more unforgivable. Next time, I'll just grab a couple take out rolls and avoid the attitude and the yelling.

This review is definitely cool, because nothing in the wide expanse of the universe is cooler than an ignorant American sense of entitlement. The Montana roll didn't seem Japanese enough? The gyozas were weird? People spoke to you in English? I bet the hostess felt so guilty over not kissing your bottom enough that she just cracked and went hysterical at the end. We should all thank our individual gods and goddesses that Oliver M. had the wherewithal to codify his experience, otherwise other hostesses in other local restaurants might suffer the same guilt-ridden fate.

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