Trump Hands and Twenty Other Crazy Colorado Beer Names

Trump Hands won a gold medal at GABF, but the real victory was in its name.
Trump Hands won a gold medal at GABF, but the real victory was in its name.
Jonathan Shikes

Naming a beer these days is the kind of thing that keeps brewers up at night. Should they just call their latest creation by its style — Odell IPA, for example — or should they try to give it a name that will stand out? If they do, will the brewery be sued, or will it receive a cease-and-desist order from another brewery, or a winery, or a magazine with a similar name? How long should they spend Googling the name or searching online in Beer Advocate or the federal trademark website to make sure someone else hasn't though of that name first? Should they try to think of something so crazy that no one else will have the name? Is it even worth it? The answers are different depending on the brewery and the beer. But the results are worth it when a brewery hits on a beer name that makes you laugh, or cringe — or plunk down some cash.

Trump Hands, which won Cannonball Creek Brewing a gold medal at the Great American Beer Festival in the Session Ale category, is one such beer. Read on for twenty other crazy Colorado beer names.

Trump Hands
Cannonball Creek Brewing
Golden

Sure, this 4.6 percent ABV IPA won gold at GABF, but that's not why it's a champion. No, the beer wins for its name, a play on the small amount of alcohol and the Internet's impression that Donald Trump has small hands. Oh, and it will be back on tap at Cannonball Creek soon, according to the brewery's website.

Trump Hands and Twenty Other Crazy Colorado Beer Names
Living the Dream Brewing Company

Helluva Caucasian
Living the Dream Brewing
Littleton

Like all the best things in this world, Helluva Caucasian, a stout that is available in cans, takes its name from a line from The Big Lebowski . "Modeled after a White Russian cocktail with espresso, chocolate, and peanut butter," the brewery also put the beer into an unforgettable can.

Old Bums and Beat Cowboys
Fiction Beer Company
Denver

All of Fiction's beer names are inspired by scenes or characters in books — not surprising, considering the name of the brewery. There's Feely Effects, from Aldous Huxley's Brave New World; A Beer of Very Little Brain, from A.A Milne's Winnie the Pooh; The Game Is Afoot, from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes series; and Old Bums and Beat Cowboys, a pale ale inspired by Jack Kerouac's On the Road. And while Kerouac, who hung out in Denver, would probably have preferred a seedy dive along Colfax Avenue to a more inviting craft brewery along the same street, Fiction says the beer is "sure to elicit a 'wicked grin' similar to Sal’s when he finally sets his eyes upon the city of Denver in On the Road."

Trump Hands and Twenty Other Crazy Colorado Beer Names
Avery Brewing

Scarlata Cucumis
Avery Brewing
Boulder

From Brabant in early 2009 through Dépuceleuse, Quinquepartite, Obscuro & Nimbosus, Momi Hiwa and L'Eighyore, Avery has been giving the beers in its acclaimed Barrel Aged series standout names from the beginning. The latest (number forty ), Scarlata Cucumis, is an ale aged in oak barrels with cucumber and tropical hibiscus flowers. The very rare beer was recently released in the brewery taproom. And though its name isn't any weirder than the rest, it is the most recent in this oddly monikered series.

Imperial Something Came in the Mail Today
Wiley Roots Brewing
Greeley

This imperial stout with hazelnuts and almonds was tapped in the Wiley Roots taproom on October 25 and named for a viral YouTube video. "Reminiscent of amaretto, marzipan, and chocolate, this is a perfect beer to pair with dessert," the brewery says. The beer will also be available in bottles.

Trump Hands and Twenty Other Crazy Colorado Beer NamesEXPAND
Black Bottle Brewery

Mom, The Meatloaf!
Black Bottle Brewery
Fort Collins

Black Bottle loves to have fun with its beer names. There's Hipster IPA, Just a Minor Threat Imperial IPA, ShhhShhShhShhhh, a sour red, and There Goes the Neighborhood, a Belgian Rye saison. But Mom, The Meatloaf, an 8.2 percent sour brown ale, takes top honors when it comes to weird names. An homage to Will Ferrill in Wedding Crashers, the name is nearly as funny as the scene.

The Hunt for Red Oktoberfest
Comrade Brewing
Denver

A brilliant tie-in between  Comrade's Communist-themed names, the Communist-themed movie The Hunt for Red October and marzen-style Oktoberfest beers. As Comrade says, Welkome to the Party.

The artwork for Card Your Mom.
The artwork for Card Your Mom.
Caution Brewing

Card Your Mom
Caution Brewing
Lakewood

A twisted play on the word "cardamom," which is one of the ingredients, the name for Card Your Mom comes from the spice's moniker as the "mother of all spices" and is one of several funny names that Caution uses. The beer itself is a farmhouse-style saison with lemon, mint, pepper and floral notes. 

Banana Hammock
Wit's End Brewing
Denver

Urban Dictionary definition for "banana hammock": "A men's style of undergarment that holds the genitalia in a sling-like hammock apparatus." Yep, but this summer seasonal also lives up to the banana part of its name, offering a load of banana flavors, "those familiar European characteristics one might find, say, on a beach... with just a hint of American style and certainly more taste," the brewery says.

Trump Hands and Twenty Other Crazy Colorado Beer NamesEXPAND
Call to Arms

Shirtless Putin Nuzzling With Dolphins
Call to Arms Brewing
Denver

Russia's leader certainly impressed the world with his shirtless horseback ride — something that has become a meme. And you can count the brewers at Call to Arms among the impressed, so much so that they have created a couple of Shirtless Putin beers, including this one, which was on tap last month.

Hormone Collector
Joyride Brewing
Edgewater

Phish phan? Yeah, there are plenty of you out there in Colorado, and it takes a good one to pick up on Joyride Brewing's most recent IPA series, each named for a phrase in the song "Cavern." There was Director, Serpent Deflector, Mudrat Detector, Ribbon Reflector, Cushion Convector, Picture of Nectar, Virile Dissector, and Hormone Collector, which is the final one and which just went on tap at Joyride.

Keep reading for more crazy beer names...



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