If zipping off to Canada for some bathroom sex doesn't say "Happy Valentine's Day" to you, how about a fast trip to Scandinavia, where Valentine is one of the most popular saints?
Consider these charming Scandinavian customs:
In Norway, the sight of birds mating on February 14 is considered a sign of spring and love. Horny men and women across that country look forward to this day when they can remove their fur pelts and expose each other to the elements. (Let's hope it's in a warm place, because shrinkage is not the goodie she wants to receive.)
The sending of white flowers called "Snowdrops" is the custom of choice in Denmark. People also swap funny poems of love, with the sender ending his/her note with dots, not a name. If the recipient guesses the name of the sender, they get an egg at Easter! (You don't want to bring soft-boiled to that party.)
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Inspired by their U.S. counterparts, the statuesque blondes and Nordic gods of Sweden give flowers on Valentine's Day. Roses, jelly hearts and pastries are now the top three items exchanged on this day of affection.
Or as Tiger Woods calls it, every day with Elin.
Iceland is pretty serene when it comes to celebrating February 14. Still, this country is so far north that you can celebrate with both dinner and breakfast by candlelight due to the polar nights (that's their cute term for being mauled by a bear while dining on sperm whale).