45 Second Reviews

Where I walk into Tattered Cover and randomly select five books from the new release racks to read a random page for 45 seconds and rate the book accordingly.

Blogging Heroes: Interviews with 30 of the World’s Top Bloggers By Michael A. Banks Page 35 Doesn’t it seem outmoded to charge for something that is free? I mean, you can read a bloggers blog and get a pretty good idea about why they do it, why bother reading an interview with them? Case in point: “Blogging about doing something for the first time is also much more interesting than writing about the daily grind.” No shit Ina Steiner.

The Perry Bible Fellowship: The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories By Nicholas Gurewitch Pages 9-11

Okay, so first off we have a guy dreaming of bacon, then blowing up a pig, then rabbits having sex to get out of a deep hole, someone living in hell for a puppy, a space man meeting a woman with a monster vagina, a clown getting his head cut off and a boy eating his teacher. That’s three pages of this graphic novel. Three pages. You figure out what its about. Appears to be ADD genius cartoon ala Paper Rad.

Rhett Butler’s People By Donald McCaig Page 185

You know, the name Rhett Butler sounds familiar. Oh well, I’m sure it has no bearing on this story. It appears that this tale of adventure and whimsy follows characters Cassius (presumably from Shakespeare) and Andre Ravanel as they journey deep into the Civil War on many a cold evening. With freezing rain, did I mention freezing rain? This is a tour de force, reminiscent of Beckett’s Waiting for Godot. The banter isn’t nearly as sophisticated, “Pick us a tune, boy!” But their hats are slouch, their moods are miserable, and time is inconsequential, making this an honest to goodness comparison.

Double Cross James Patterson Page 87

Double Cross is about a double-crossing X-Files fanatic who kills theater nerds in an effort to relive his favorite moments from his favorite X-Files episodes. At least, that’s what I assume. The cops in charge enjoy witty banter and make references to things like the DSM-IV, which those of us who frequent current Fox dramas know is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental disorders. This rousing novel switches and turns and has its coil so tight that even the author doesn’t know how it ends. I bet Mulder crosses Scully and they make out in a barn.

The Power of Flies Lydie Salvayre Page 9

This book is so fucking French, it doesn’t even matter what it’s about because even if you knew, you wouldn’t be able to discern between the real and characters projection of the real. Stupid French, can’t speak in plain old English.

—Thorin Klosowski

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