Apparently Myspace still exists, is getting remodeled

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Yes, it's true. Myspace is, amazingly, still around. The advertising dumpster of a social networking site has got a fresh, new look and some new features to keep the tweens busy in between facebooking and sexting and... I don't know, does anyone between the ages of thirteen and nineteen do anything other than that anymore?

The tag line for the beat-heavy video introduction to the new Myspace says it is "not powered by data, it's powered by you." Great, now we have to power this shit?

It's bad enough I have to follow Pepsi on Twitter and "friend" Burger King on Facebook to try to get a free junior bacon cheese and a small soft drink once in a while, but now I have to provide content and input to Myspace? No wonder no one visits that site anymore.
Welcome to the new Myspace

Myspace | Myspace Video

For a while, Myspace was the shit. It totally dominated our social sphere. You couldn't get passed the first drink without getting asked if you had a Myspace. Of course, then came Facebook, and the folks at Myspace realized they weren't going to win that one, so they focused on entertainment instead. Music, video and, well, that's pretty much it.

And for a site whose two main focuses are better handled by other platforms, (Grooveshark, Last.fm, Pandora, for music; Vimeo and Youtube, for video, to name a tiny few) this new remodel feels more like a last ditch effort than a gearing-up to conquer cultural media.

It's sort of sad. But not that sad, since Myspace is owned by the world's third-largest media conglomerate, which is headed by Rupert Murdoch, that shriveled Aussie-American who owns just about everything else you see on a screen these days. We're not going to feel bad for him if Myspace tanks, which it probably won't because the dude is made of money, and he can buy just about anyone (just like Nike did with skateboarding), not to mention the fact that we're churning out babies left and right who will inevitably grow up spending their every waking hour on the Internet, gushing over whoever is the next Justin Bieber, et cetera.

I'm sure everyone is dying to know what the new site looks like. If you haven't checked the video yet; basically, take elegance and simplicity and times it by a thousand so it's no longer elegant and no longer simple. Then fill every pixel of available space with advertising. Voila! You've got Myspace 2.0. And even though the sharp lines and ninety-degree angles seem hip and orderly, it still looks confusing as all hell and still bombards the viewer with a kaleidoscope of content and ads just like it always did.

To be fair, the site seems to be embracing creativity -- but it appears it thinks it's all artsy now, just because the programmers bit whatever hipster art happens to be trendy currently -- but that's another topic altogether. On the other hand, some of the new features are rather revolutionary. For one, you can "earn exclusive badges for your activity." Yay! It's just like camp, or girl scouts, or whatever it is you kids do these days.

With the remodel, Myspace is appropriately exploiting the thing that has made it not a complete waste of time for the past couple of years; namely, music. That's about all it's good for: Getting your band out to whomever is friends with you on Facebook by linking to the Myspace profile you just made after recording your first song in your bedroom. Now sit back and let the page-views pile up, because the new Myspace is going to be big.

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